Kerm is telling me I need to write down the events of this week before I forget! HA!!!! I will NEVER forget! I have said all along that I would be frankly honest. AND - those of you who know me REALLY well know that I always call it like it is.
I know today is Saturday. I cannot tell you what happened really to the days in between my last post which was Sunday. I know that Monday morning I was at the imaging center to have CT scans of my lungs and liver. The scans were CLEAR - which was what I had hoped for - but until you HEAR the real news - You can't know for SURE! I then went upstairs to the Oncology Department for my first of EIGHT treatments - every other Monday. I knew what side effects could happen to me and I was prepared. Tell me how can one EVER prepare for TERRIBLE, AWFUL and ICKY???????
They drew my blood work through the PORT in my chest. When all that came back fairly normal (remember I had surgery four weeks prior) they came back with the STUFF - the DRUGS that are needed evidently for a CURE! Actually I had no cancer in any of 24 lymph nodes. The six weeks of chemo and radiation that I went through during Jan, Feb and March basically shrunk the tumor to NOTHING and then for asurety - they took a foot of colon! Just to make SURE!!!
I am not - nor will I ever be the ONLY person in the world to have chemotherapy. I sat there and EVERY SINGLE chair was FULL with cancer patients getting DRIPS of DRUGS! It is FREEZING in there and everyone has blankets and coverings on them because it is so COLD! I forgot my Relief Society Blanket. I LOVE my Relief Society Blanket. The ladies in my ward made it for me and I use it every day of my life! I called over to the Surgical Center where my sister Jill Andrews is Administrator and asked if they would bring me some HOT blankets from the warmer. Kelli - who I absolutely love and adore ran immediately over with blankets for Kerm and I. They were so warm and felt so good. While I was sitting there my right hand got really cold and starting CONTORTING! If you have ever had CONTORTIONS then you will know what I mean. It was like my fingers had charly horses in them and they would stiffen out and stay stiff and I could not move them without tremendous pain. Little did I know that today, Saturday, I would still be feeling those effects!
They drip the really NASTY stuff in which takes about two hours or so - then they get the trusty fanny pack out and put in the 5FU in a pump which is the present you GET to go home with - Until Wednesday. I know we went back Wednesday to get the pump off but honestly - I do not remember - it is a huge BLUR!. I felt pretty good going home Monday but felt nauseated so I laid down. I know I got up Wednesday to go back to get the pump off but I did not GET UP until this morning.
The contortions started with my right hand - MY EVERYTHING hand! In the beginning they asked if I did HAND things - such as playing the piano - crocheting, etc. I PLAY PIANO every day of my life and I had just purchased a bunch of yarn to make an afghan for my Kamie. And in fact, I took it with to hopefully work on it while I was sitting there for those hours. Ya - so much for THAT!
The contortions soon started all over my body. From the beginning to touch anything cold or drink anything cold caused a big tingling/hurt sensation. I could handle that. I drank warm juice and warm water. I will tell you this - by today (SATURDAY) it has been so hard to quench my thirst. I drink over 64 ounces a day but the thirst is not quenchable. Today I decided to put ice in my water. It is a weird sensation in your mouth but the throat feels like it is constricting and just feels sore. Cold water tasted SO GOOD! Don't ever take that for granted!!! It is a huge blessing to be NORMAL!!
My feet, my ankles, my toes, my lips, my eyes, my arms and basically all my muscles CONTORTED! I cried more this week than I have in YEARS!!!!!!!!! That hurt too - I had to really work hard to NOT cry because it hurt so bad. It was hard to walk. My calves were so sore that I could just get up and down - I could not go far. The WORST?????? My right hand! The hand that is my best friend because I use it the MOST! I couldn't really hold anything in it - it would spasm and go into STUPID CONTORTIONS!!
By Wednesday they prescribed some XANAX for me - which is an anti-anxiety drug. It wasn't so much that I was ANXIOUS but that they hoped it would calm down my muscles. The nausea was FAR WORSE than the nausea I had during my chemo and radiation in the spring.
The days have been LONG! I didn't see some of the days. I didn't see outside. Before I knew it it was dark and I welcome the dark because I knew I wouldn't have to toss and turn - that I could take some BENADRYL and a little XANAX and I would SLEEP! I welcomed the sleep. During the days it was HOT! The air conditioning gets so COLD - COLD affects you more and causes more symptoms. I laid on my bed with my BLANKET and tossed and turned. I did not eat much - food is way OVERRATED - HA!! NOT TRUE! I cannot wait to eat today. I had a little this morning but we are going to BAJIO and we always just share a salad but GOSH - it sounds so good. Kerm is ready to leave as soon as I am finished with this.
My dad, Neil Frischknecht got his PhD in Botany. All of dad's kids have ALWAYS prided themselves with beautiful yards. Last year we had a wedding Reception in our yard and it was so beautiful. This year I have not planted one flower. I have a walkway up to my front door and it is always alive with beautiful flowers and sitting in the rocking chairs on the front porch has always been such a JOY! I walked out this morning - the first time all week and was AWESTRUCK! My walk had been planted with LARGE flowers that are ready to bloom. It had been weeded - something I have not been able to do. I have always done the yard and It is THERAPY to me. Kerm left this morning to go coach his coach pitch team. He is the coach for our grandson Lukas. There bright and early was my friend CATHY METTEN! She has been my friend for 50 YEARS! She had come early and to my COMPLETE SURPRISE planted my walkway with flowers. My heart is overwhelmed. I could not even speak because I was crying! How thankful I am for friends and neighbors who have been so good to me.
There were flowers yesterday from Kelsi and John and Charlotte. Flowers today for Annalee who lives in my neighborhood. The Christensen's and Stasinos' live on either side of us. They both have chickens and have kept us in fresh eggs. Kelsi has chickens and has brought me eggs from time to time. Scranbled eggs taste really good to me. It is a food that the taste doesn't change for me with these awful drugs! I am humbled beyond anything ever before. I am GRATEFUL. I am BLESSED!
My body reacts TERRIBLY! The radiation gave me severe full thickness burns. These new chemotherapy drugs have caused SEVERE reactions in my body. I completed one course of 8 total. Every other week. I will speak with the oncologist and ask to have these drugs modified for me. I CANNOT do this again. I AM STRONG! And I also KNOW that each treatment gets cumulatively worse! I CANNOT do worse. So hopefully they will modify my course of treatment. I think they will because the cancer was NOT in any lymph nodes and at surgery ALL the margins were clear.
I do feel BLESSED. I am feeling a little better today. I do FEEL like I cannot get any worse than this treatment was. So here's to hoping they will modify my treatment and I can make it through.
Thank you for thoughts, flowers, notes, EVERYTHING! The week has been a BLUR! I know it is summer - the cherries are EARLY and I walked out today to some PURPLE cherries! There are PLENTY!
I do need prayers. I feel them and I am THANKFUL. Please hang with me a little longer and keep praying for me.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: All I can say today is COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. We ALL have them. Please ENJOY every minute of good HEALTH! DO NOT EVER take it for granted. GET YOUR CHECK UPS! A check up may just save your life! LIFE is so PRECIOUS and VALUABLE! I WANT TO LIVE!!!! I HAVE WORK TO DO!! I CANNOT DO IT THIS SICK SO I HAVE TO GET BETTER!!! I CANNOT WAIT! Love and HUGS to EVERYONE!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Sunday, June 10, 2012
HALFWAY THROUGH......
Today is a BEAUTIFUL Sunday in Orem, Utah. It is only 64 degrees at 2:30 in the afternoon but the sun is shining and it is beautiful! We went to Church this morning and today was the first time in weeks that I taught the Young Single Adults. I LOVE them and I love teaching. I didn't stay for the third hour! ONE STEP at a time!!
I saw Dr. Bott, The Oncologist on Friday afternoon. Friday was four weeks since my surgery. Each week I feel like I have turned a corner. I can honestly say I ALMOST feel normal. My energy is still lacking because it is hard to get nourishment - and I am actually eating A LOT!! HA HA - for the FIRST time in my life - I can eat absolutely ANYTHING I want and still go down almost a half pound a day! I have lost almost 20 pounds and like I tell everyone - It is a HARD way to lose weight!
Dr. Bott has determined that I am ready to begin the last chemotherapy treatments. I will start tomorrow, June 11th. It has been six months now since my CT scans, etc. of my liver and lungs - which by-the-way showed NO cancer. So tomorrow at 9 am I will have CT scans and then head to the Oncology Department for the beginning of my final round of chemotherapy. There are a total of three drugs which will be infused. On Monday I will sit there for ths first infusion which lasts about 3 hours. They will then send me home with my trusty FANNY PACK (Good luck cause I have no FANNY LEFT) which will have the rest of the chemo being to\pumped through the port in my chest until Wednesday when they will take the pump off. I will then have 11 days to recover and will return on Monday June 25th for the SAME THING! I have to do this for 8-12 treatments which will take 4-6 months. Because there was no lymph node involvement I have already made the decision that I will go the 4 months. I will then have a month to recover and will have the final surgery to reconnect EVERYTHING! I am on the countdown. Each day is one day closer to being FINISHED. I actually consider myself MORE than half way through because supposedly the chemo combined with the radiation is harder than what I am going to have to go through and the 8 hour surgery was the WORST! The next surgery is about an hour. So here I go.
I have heard all sorts of HORROR stories about this next chemotherapy treatment. I read the side effects and truly FREAKED out! Last time I had only the one drug which is called 5-FU. I have to laugh. What a name for a cancer drug! I did OK with that and only had a little bit of nausea. This time there are THREE drugs involved. One is more of the 5FU - the other is Leucovorin which is a reduced folic acid and actually works with the other drugs to ENHANCE the effectiveness. Great - I for SURE want to enhance that effectiveness! GOSH!!! The third drug is called Oxaliplatin. That is the BAD one! They say it is used in cancer which has metastasized but MINE HAS NOT!!! So I don't know WHY I have to do this - only that they say it is BEST! I will follow the instructions because I WANT TO LIVE! I DO NOT want to do any of this. But I want to live and in my mind I HAVE TO DO IT!! The side effects of this drug are awful!They do say however, that these side effects are ALMOST always reversible and will go away after treatment! WHATEVER!
There is peripheral neuropathy which is numbness and tingling and cramping of the hands or feet often triggered by cold. These symptoms will generally lessen or go away between treatments HOWEVER - as the number of treatments increase the numbness and tingling will take longer to lessen or go away! Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, mouth sores, low blood counts, fatigue and LOSS OF APPETITE! Great! I have heard that you cannot drink anything COLD at all and remember - we are in the SUMMER MONTHS! I can handle this part because I can drink warm water and keep my juices in small cans that I can consume without having to refrigerate. If you were to open a refrigerator WITHOUT GLOVES it would feel like your hands are burning! I mean NO COLD at all. If you drink cold stuff it will feel as if your throat is closing off and you cannot get air. They TELL ME that this is ONLY a feeling - what they don't know is that if that happens to me - I will have a PANIC attack! If there is anyone who has had this drug please let me know how you have done with it. I will outline my journey HONESTLY and tell the whole STORY!
With that being said I am GRATEFUL. I am THANKFUL. I am so HAPPY to be feeling so much better and doing NORMAL things AGAIN! We had Simone, Lukas and Stella yesterday afternoon and took them to the Orem Summerfest which was a lot of fun. It was however FREEZING with blowing winds so we only stayed a couple of hours. We had a GREAT sleepover last night and it felt normal and fun! We did not ask yet for Charlotte for the night because she needs to hang close to her mama right now. Eventually we hope she gets to join our sleepovers! I LOVE LOVE LOVE these babies! Oh my gosh - They are truly my REASON for LIVING!!! For WANTING to LIVE!. I am THANKFUL!
It is interesting because my blog talks about Angels attending me through this journey and I need to tell you this is the TRUTH! I have ANGELS who are watching out for me - who help bless my life and help me through hard times. For this experience - I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL! I ALSO KNOW that I have ANGELS on the other side of the VEIL who are attending me! I feel their presence - I feel the love and I am GRATEFUL! I feel very blessed.
What I will ask now is this - PLEASE PRAY HARD FOR ME - AND my family! I know it seems like such a selfish thing for me to ask but I NEED your prayers. I need help going through these next few months!. Please continue putting my name on the Temples where you are. I KNOW with assurance that it WORKS. I feel the power of prayer in my life and it is very HUMBLING.
THANK YOU - EVERYONE. Thank you for your kindnesses, your kind thoughts and notes and EVERYTHING. I am TRULY APPRECIATIVE! Kerm and I pray hard for those we know who are undergoing difficulties. If you know someone who needs help or prayers - please let us know.
I will be a SURVIVOR. I DO NOT WANT to go through the next few months but my reward will be HAPPY HOLIDAYS! They will be here BEFORE we know it! I will update and outline my journey.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Your Ship is Equal to the Load of TODAY; but When You are Carrying Yesterday's Worry and Tomorrow's Anxiety, You Must Lighten Your Load or You will SINK"
I am trying to take this one day at a time. That is the ONLY way I can do it. It is mind boggling to think of the weeks I have to go. I can do this - ONE DAY AT A TIME! Love and Hugs to EVERYONE!
I saw Dr. Bott, The Oncologist on Friday afternoon. Friday was four weeks since my surgery. Each week I feel like I have turned a corner. I can honestly say I ALMOST feel normal. My energy is still lacking because it is hard to get nourishment - and I am actually eating A LOT!! HA HA - for the FIRST time in my life - I can eat absolutely ANYTHING I want and still go down almost a half pound a day! I have lost almost 20 pounds and like I tell everyone - It is a HARD way to lose weight!
Dr. Bott has determined that I am ready to begin the last chemotherapy treatments. I will start tomorrow, June 11th. It has been six months now since my CT scans, etc. of my liver and lungs - which by-the-way showed NO cancer. So tomorrow at 9 am I will have CT scans and then head to the Oncology Department for the beginning of my final round of chemotherapy. There are a total of three drugs which will be infused. On Monday I will sit there for ths first infusion which lasts about 3 hours. They will then send me home with my trusty FANNY PACK (Good luck cause I have no FANNY LEFT) which will have the rest of the chemo being to\pumped through the port in my chest until Wednesday when they will take the pump off. I will then have 11 days to recover and will return on Monday June 25th for the SAME THING! I have to do this for 8-12 treatments which will take 4-6 months. Because there was no lymph node involvement I have already made the decision that I will go the 4 months. I will then have a month to recover and will have the final surgery to reconnect EVERYTHING! I am on the countdown. Each day is one day closer to being FINISHED. I actually consider myself MORE than half way through because supposedly the chemo combined with the radiation is harder than what I am going to have to go through and the 8 hour surgery was the WORST! The next surgery is about an hour. So here I go.
I have heard all sorts of HORROR stories about this next chemotherapy treatment. I read the side effects and truly FREAKED out! Last time I had only the one drug which is called 5-FU. I have to laugh. What a name for a cancer drug! I did OK with that and only had a little bit of nausea. This time there are THREE drugs involved. One is more of the 5FU - the other is Leucovorin which is a reduced folic acid and actually works with the other drugs to ENHANCE the effectiveness. Great - I for SURE want to enhance that effectiveness! GOSH!!! The third drug is called Oxaliplatin. That is the BAD one! They say it is used in cancer which has metastasized but MINE HAS NOT!!! So I don't know WHY I have to do this - only that they say it is BEST! I will follow the instructions because I WANT TO LIVE! I DO NOT want to do any of this. But I want to live and in my mind I HAVE TO DO IT!! The side effects of this drug are awful!They do say however, that these side effects are ALMOST always reversible and will go away after treatment! WHATEVER!
There is peripheral neuropathy which is numbness and tingling and cramping of the hands or feet often triggered by cold. These symptoms will generally lessen or go away between treatments HOWEVER - as the number of treatments increase the numbness and tingling will take longer to lessen or go away! Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, mouth sores, low blood counts, fatigue and LOSS OF APPETITE! Great! I have heard that you cannot drink anything COLD at all and remember - we are in the SUMMER MONTHS! I can handle this part because I can drink warm water and keep my juices in small cans that I can consume without having to refrigerate. If you were to open a refrigerator WITHOUT GLOVES it would feel like your hands are burning! I mean NO COLD at all. If you drink cold stuff it will feel as if your throat is closing off and you cannot get air. They TELL ME that this is ONLY a feeling - what they don't know is that if that happens to me - I will have a PANIC attack! If there is anyone who has had this drug please let me know how you have done with it. I will outline my journey HONESTLY and tell the whole STORY!
With that being said I am GRATEFUL. I am THANKFUL. I am so HAPPY to be feeling so much better and doing NORMAL things AGAIN! We had Simone, Lukas and Stella yesterday afternoon and took them to the Orem Summerfest which was a lot of fun. It was however FREEZING with blowing winds so we only stayed a couple of hours. We had a GREAT sleepover last night and it felt normal and fun! We did not ask yet for Charlotte for the night because she needs to hang close to her mama right now. Eventually we hope she gets to join our sleepovers! I LOVE LOVE LOVE these babies! Oh my gosh - They are truly my REASON for LIVING!!! For WANTING to LIVE!. I am THANKFUL!
It is interesting because my blog talks about Angels attending me through this journey and I need to tell you this is the TRUTH! I have ANGELS who are watching out for me - who help bless my life and help me through hard times. For this experience - I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL! I ALSO KNOW that I have ANGELS on the other side of the VEIL who are attending me! I feel their presence - I feel the love and I am GRATEFUL! I feel very blessed.
What I will ask now is this - PLEASE PRAY HARD FOR ME - AND my family! I know it seems like such a selfish thing for me to ask but I NEED your prayers. I need help going through these next few months!. Please continue putting my name on the Temples where you are. I KNOW with assurance that it WORKS. I feel the power of prayer in my life and it is very HUMBLING.
THANK YOU - EVERYONE. Thank you for your kindnesses, your kind thoughts and notes and EVERYTHING. I am TRULY APPRECIATIVE! Kerm and I pray hard for those we know who are undergoing difficulties. If you know someone who needs help or prayers - please let us know.
I will be a SURVIVOR. I DO NOT WANT to go through the next few months but my reward will be HAPPY HOLIDAYS! They will be here BEFORE we know it! I will update and outline my journey.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Your Ship is Equal to the Load of TODAY; but When You are Carrying Yesterday's Worry and Tomorrow's Anxiety, You Must Lighten Your Load or You will SINK"
I am trying to take this one day at a time. That is the ONLY way I can do it. It is mind boggling to think of the weeks I have to go. I can do this - ONE DAY AT A TIME! Love and Hugs to EVERYONE!
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