I have been reminded a couple of times to let people know that I am NOT DYING!!! I am undergoing treatment for the cancer that I think is GONE! The treatment, to be honest - SUCKS!! And where in the world did I ever learn to speak that word????? Trust me - I am real and I am going to tell it like it is. I am NOT DYING!
Last Monday I had my THIRD chemo dose! Yay for ME! 3/8. I first go in and they take blood through the port in my chest to see what my blood counts show. Only problem? They could not make it work!! So they finally took it out of my arm - after about two hours! I then met with Dr. Bott before they decided how to treat me. Usually you just see hm once a month but he wants to see me every two weeks because of my reactions to the STUFF! We had an honest, frank discussion about introducing the OXILIPLATIN again. The course consists of the OXILIPLATIN, 5 FU, and Leukovorin. After our discussion and the symptoms I had and continue to have because of that FIRST treatment, we have decided that I will not take the OXILIPLATIN again. YAY! Made my day. To be honest thought, I did not sleep much Sunday night. I KNOW that I am in CHARGE of myself and my treatment, but I also want to be that SURVIVOR I am talking about.
Can I tell you what has helped me so much??? Playing WORDS WITH FRIENDS on my iphone!! I love that game. I also think that it helps your brain stimulation, especially through the middle of the night. My friend Dave Craig sent me an instant message that night asking why I was still awake because we were playing the game. I told him I could not sleep because of what COULD happen to me in the morning. We played until about 3 am. It helped me so much and I love him for that. He honestly DOUBLES my score every single time I play him but its all fun and takes my mind off stuff late at night!! I play with my friend KayLynn and my nephews and really people all over the world!! I LOVE IT!!
After the visit with the doctor you go to a chair for your HOOK UPS! First they give you an anti-nausea medicine which takes about 20 minutes to drip in. The medicine lasts for approximately 30 hours. Then the Leukovorin is introduced into the line and that takes about 2 1/2 hours. At the end a Bolus of 5 FU is pushed into the line and then comes that trusty FANNY PACK! It has the pump with the rest of the 5 FU that takes until Wednesday to run out. Wednesday I go back and out comes the line that has been pumping that STUFF into the port in my chest. I do pretty well Monday and Tuesday and even into Wednesday. I mean I feel nausea, tired, and all of that but it is doable because of PILLS!! I love those PILLS!! Wednesday after the pump comes off comes the Nausea, feeling like I have a UTI, not to mention the yeast I have not only in my mouth but ALL over! Don't let me forget about the moutoh sores!! So YES - I love those PILLS! A nausea pill, a UTI pill, a yeast pill! Seriously? I HATE pills and have never been a pill popper but at night comes the Benadryl - not for allergies - FOR SLEEP!! By Thursday that is pretty much a stay close to the bed day. I get up and get ready and do the CHORES I need to do around the house but it is a sick sick sick day. Friday getting a little better and by Saturday I do pretty well!
You then have the WHOLE next week to feel better and to get ready to start all over again! Because of my FAMILY REUNION next week, I get that week off! YAY - An extra week to feel even better!! Cannot Wait because this summer we are pretty much on STAYCATIONS!! Not much of a vacation THIS YEAR!
Saturday was my 59th Birthday! When did I get so OLD??? I don't feel 59! Well kind of on those Chemo weeks but in my mind I am still 18. I act like I am still 18 - EXCEPT those chemo days! I was COMPLETELY overwhelmed by the hundreds of birthday wishes from ALL over the world. I am truly appreciative.
I had lunch yesterday with some of my girl friends. My friend Martsy asked how I make it through each day. My friend Ann's husband has had his share of health issues and it was an interesting discussion to say the least! The bottom line is THIS.....
We ALL have our struggles. Yes - I am going through struggles right now. But at night when I go to bed I give THANKS for my BLESSINGS. I give THANKS for being able to have made it through that day! I have NEVER one time asked WHY ME? I say WHY NOT? This is something I can handle. I HATE it! Let me throw this in - When my kids were growing up that was a word NOT allowed in our home! It is a nasty word but it is the only way I can express how I feel without swearing - which I have been know to do OCCASIONALLY! I HATE cancer. I HATE the treatment. I HATE that I am doing this but I also want to LIVE! I Know so many people who have it WORSE. I have two nieces and three nephews who lost their dads early in their lives. They have overcome the loss and have moved on to lead AMAZING lives and they DID IT and are DOING IT. I have a niece who has never walked. When she was four months old she was given a WRONG SHOT!! She has lived almost 30 years in her wheelchair. I am thankful I can walk. I am thankful for her because she has shown ALL of us how to live with beauty and grace. She is productive and leads a productive life! What an AMAZING example!
I could go on and on. It is just like LIFE! There will always be those who are richer, smarter and better looking that YOU (or ME). There will always be those who have it WORSE than any of us. It is HOW WE HANDLE what we have been dealt with! Cup half full - cup half empty? We can blame and feel sorry for ourselves or we can take charge, KICK BUTT and lead our lives without blaming others. It is a CHOICE that EACH AND EVERYONE of us makes on a daily basis. We make a CHOICE as to how we will act, react and serve others. I cannot tell you enough times - It is the SERVICE we do for others that will really really count when we finally meet our MAKER!
So wake up each day - serve one another- Pray for who you can help. Whether you believe in prayer or not - I can tell you that I KNOW without a doubt it HELPS! Pray for inspiration as to who you can help and who you can serve. I PROMISE! You will feel like a MILLION BUCKS!
Thank you for ALL who have served and continue to serve me. Please know that even in my weakened state, I pray daily for who I can serve and I do service every day of my life. It makes it ALL worth it and makes me feel like I said - a MILLION BUCKS! Please continue to pray for me and my family. We NEED all the prayers that can be sent up! Please know - I am NOT dying. I am surviving and I am HAPPY and I am THANKFUL and Count my BLESSINGS each and every day!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: With the death of Stephen Covey, who I have met on several occasions and have spent time in his home, I will use one of his quotes! I LOVE IT
"To Touch the Soul of Another Human Being is to Walk on Holy Ground".
This is what I am talking about. Serve and help one another. Pray for those who need prayers. Mourn with those who mourn. Bear the burdens of one another! Live your life without REGRETS! Love and HUGS from ME to ALL OF YOU!! THANK YOU!
Bobby Jo, you inspire me to be better, to not give up, to push ahead. Love and hugs from me to you.
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