I have been reminded a couple of times to let people know that I am NOT DYING!!! I am undergoing treatment for the cancer that I think is GONE! The treatment, to be honest - SUCKS!! And where in the world did I ever learn to speak that word????? Trust me - I am real and I am going to tell it like it is. I am NOT DYING!
Last Monday I had my THIRD chemo dose! Yay for ME! 3/8. I first go in and they take blood through the port in my chest to see what my blood counts show. Only problem? They could not make it work!! So they finally took it out of my arm - after about two hours! I then met with Dr. Bott before they decided how to treat me. Usually you just see hm once a month but he wants to see me every two weeks because of my reactions to the STUFF! We had an honest, frank discussion about introducing the OXILIPLATIN again. The course consists of the OXILIPLATIN, 5 FU, and Leukovorin. After our discussion and the symptoms I had and continue to have because of that FIRST treatment, we have decided that I will not take the OXILIPLATIN again. YAY! Made my day. To be honest thought, I did not sleep much Sunday night. I KNOW that I am in CHARGE of myself and my treatment, but I also want to be that SURVIVOR I am talking about.
Can I tell you what has helped me so much??? Playing WORDS WITH FRIENDS on my iphone!! I love that game. I also think that it helps your brain stimulation, especially through the middle of the night. My friend Dave Craig sent me an instant message that night asking why I was still awake because we were playing the game. I told him I could not sleep because of what COULD happen to me in the morning. We played until about 3 am. It helped me so much and I love him for that. He honestly DOUBLES my score every single time I play him but its all fun and takes my mind off stuff late at night!! I play with my friend KayLynn and my nephews and really people all over the world!! I LOVE IT!!
After the visit with the doctor you go to a chair for your HOOK UPS! First they give you an anti-nausea medicine which takes about 20 minutes to drip in. The medicine lasts for approximately 30 hours. Then the Leukovorin is introduced into the line and that takes about 2 1/2 hours. At the end a Bolus of 5 FU is pushed into the line and then comes that trusty FANNY PACK! It has the pump with the rest of the 5 FU that takes until Wednesday to run out. Wednesday I go back and out comes the line that has been pumping that STUFF into the port in my chest. I do pretty well Monday and Tuesday and even into Wednesday. I mean I feel nausea, tired, and all of that but it is doable because of PILLS!! I love those PILLS!! Wednesday after the pump comes off comes the Nausea, feeling like I have a UTI, not to mention the yeast I have not only in my mouth but ALL over! Don't let me forget about the moutoh sores!! So YES - I love those PILLS! A nausea pill, a UTI pill, a yeast pill! Seriously? I HATE pills and have never been a pill popper but at night comes the Benadryl - not for allergies - FOR SLEEP!! By Thursday that is pretty much a stay close to the bed day. I get up and get ready and do the CHORES I need to do around the house but it is a sick sick sick day. Friday getting a little better and by Saturday I do pretty well!
You then have the WHOLE next week to feel better and to get ready to start all over again! Because of my FAMILY REUNION next week, I get that week off! YAY - An extra week to feel even better!! Cannot Wait because this summer we are pretty much on STAYCATIONS!! Not much of a vacation THIS YEAR!
Saturday was my 59th Birthday! When did I get so OLD??? I don't feel 59! Well kind of on those Chemo weeks but in my mind I am still 18. I act like I am still 18 - EXCEPT those chemo days! I was COMPLETELY overwhelmed by the hundreds of birthday wishes from ALL over the world. I am truly appreciative.
I had lunch yesterday with some of my girl friends. My friend Martsy asked how I make it through each day. My friend Ann's husband has had his share of health issues and it was an interesting discussion to say the least! The bottom line is THIS.....
We ALL have our struggles. Yes - I am going through struggles right now. But at night when I go to bed I give THANKS for my BLESSINGS. I give THANKS for being able to have made it through that day! I have NEVER one time asked WHY ME? I say WHY NOT? This is something I can handle. I HATE it! Let me throw this in - When my kids were growing up that was a word NOT allowed in our home! It is a nasty word but it is the only way I can express how I feel without swearing - which I have been know to do OCCASIONALLY! I HATE cancer. I HATE the treatment. I HATE that I am doing this but I also want to LIVE! I Know so many people who have it WORSE. I have two nieces and three nephews who lost their dads early in their lives. They have overcome the loss and have moved on to lead AMAZING lives and they DID IT and are DOING IT. I have a niece who has never walked. When she was four months old she was given a WRONG SHOT!! She has lived almost 30 years in her wheelchair. I am thankful I can walk. I am thankful for her because she has shown ALL of us how to live with beauty and grace. She is productive and leads a productive life! What an AMAZING example!
I could go on and on. It is just like LIFE! There will always be those who are richer, smarter and better looking that YOU (or ME). There will always be those who have it WORSE than any of us. It is HOW WE HANDLE what we have been dealt with! Cup half full - cup half empty? We can blame and feel sorry for ourselves or we can take charge, KICK BUTT and lead our lives without blaming others. It is a CHOICE that EACH AND EVERYONE of us makes on a daily basis. We make a CHOICE as to how we will act, react and serve others. I cannot tell you enough times - It is the SERVICE we do for others that will really really count when we finally meet our MAKER!
So wake up each day - serve one another- Pray for who you can help. Whether you believe in prayer or not - I can tell you that I KNOW without a doubt it HELPS! Pray for inspiration as to who you can help and who you can serve. I PROMISE! You will feel like a MILLION BUCKS!
Thank you for ALL who have served and continue to serve me. Please know that even in my weakened state, I pray daily for who I can serve and I do service every day of my life. It makes it ALL worth it and makes me feel like I said - a MILLION BUCKS! Please continue to pray for me and my family. We NEED all the prayers that can be sent up! Please know - I am NOT dying. I am surviving and I am HAPPY and I am THANKFUL and Count my BLESSINGS each and every day!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: With the death of Stephen Covey, who I have met on several occasions and have spent time in his home, I will use one of his quotes! I LOVE IT
"To Touch the Soul of Another Human Being is to Walk on Holy Ground".
This is what I am talking about. Serve and help one another. Pray for those who need prayers. Mourn with those who mourn. Bear the burdens of one another! Live your life without REGRETS! Love and HUGS from ME to ALL OF YOU!! THANK YOU!
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Saturday, July 7, 2012
The Second Round....
I MOWED the front lawn today! Big deal you say? Yes - it is a BIG DEAL! I have waited PATIENTLY to have the ENERGY to be able to mow. I tried last week and I was too weak! Mowing is my therapy. My MIND feels like a MILLION BUCKS!! Ha! My body feels pretty darn good too!! I am THANKFUL. I am GRATEFUL. It is a BLESSING to have a lawn to mow!! The front usually takes me a half hour. Today I had to stop halfway for just a LITTLE rest and to be honest - my CALENDAR isn't what one would consider FULL!! I have all the time in the world!! I am bound and determined to not let this CANCER thing KICK me! I definitely KICKED BUTT today!!
I laid awake Saturday evening until well after midnight. I was overjoyed when my phone showed the change from June 30th to July 1st! I made it through June! The days were agonizingly LONG! I have never been one to wish the time away - always working hard and taking advantage of the beauty of each new day. Funny how perspective changes when you are merely trying to survive! Don't get me wrong. I roll out of my water bed each morning come H E L L or high-water. And honestly - it is a ROLL!! I get dressed and apply makeup. Some days just doing that requires a small rest back on the bed! By the way.... I make the bed the minute I get up for the FIRST time... Lest anyone thinks me lazy! HA!
The second round of chemo was Monday June 25th. After hearing the horror stories from my first treatment with the BAD medicine - the doctor decided not to use that particular medicine in the COCKTAIL! I didn't even have to BEG! You sit there for 2-3 hours while some of the STUFF infuses into the port. Then they give you the trusty fanny pack with the pump to continue pumping the STUFF into your poor, broken down body until Wednesday. I did OK. It causes nausea and all the joints that I had trouble with the first time - ached like crazy. Wednesday when they took it off the overwhelming feeling of fatigue and nausea hits. I was pretty good by the weekend. My right hand who happens to be one of my best friends, is still messed up from the first time. I go again Monday the 9th. I hope to be able to just continue like last time. I don't want the BAD STUFF!!
It was a beautiful week this week. The moon was beautiful. The 4th of July is my all time favorite HOLIDAY! It is a great time when MOST of my family members, siblings, their children, etc. gather for the festivities. A FRISCHKNECHT FAMILY tradition is staying overnight on the parade route on July 3rd. This year was no different. We have our FAVORITE spot and several of the nieces and nephews save the SPOT and the rest of us get there in the morning. Honestly - I don't care about the parade. It is all the other stuff that continues the TRADITION!! So THANKFUL! Kerm and I were out there until about midnight and came home. I cannot tell you how many times I have slept (there is NO sleep )out there. I have made a promise that next year I will lead the sleepover! After that we had about 60 people for the PICNIC at our house. We are close and our house is the place for the July party! So much fun, great food and such GREAT people. I love them ALL!!
My brother Kurt Frischknecht passed away June 22, 2002. This was the ten year anniversary. I cannot believe how FAST the time has gone and how much I miss him. I can hear his voice in my head. He had a FAVORITE name for me - ever since he was little. Each time he would call I was greeted with that name! His wife Cheryl remarried a couple of years later. She was left with four small children and she married RIC MCCUTCHEON! How I love that Man! He is MY BROTHER and I love him to pieces! He came to the marriage with his two sons - Chase and Chance who lived with him. Together they created a blended family - the likes of which I have NEVER seen. I pay tribute to both Cheryl and Ricky! I love them so much and they come and continue the traditions! I love that family!
To be honest I had a little let down after everyone left Thursday. I had looked so forward to this week and now I just have to keep finding things to look forward to so the time passes quickly. The last weekend in July is ALWAYS the FRISCHKNECHT FAMILY REUNION at FERRON RESERVOIR! This is my dad's family. He had five siblings - he still has two living brothers - their children and grandchildren and now great grandchildren. That is next on my agenda and I look forward to that. I WILL be camping with a motorhome - I decided a few years ago NO MORE tents for ME! Now for SURE - NO MORE TENTS! We will take the grandkids and enjoy time on the lake, four wheelers and FAMILY! By the way - those of you who are not planning on going - CHANGE YOUR MINDS and get there!!!!!
My perspective regarding LIFE has changed. When we were coming home Tuesday evening at midnight from the SPOT - we turned from University Avenue in Provo up to 800 North in Orem. A truck had gone around the corner too fast and lost his load - a P IANO! It was smashed to pieces! We drove slowly past and my heart went out to those folks. I wanted to turn around and talk to them - to let them know that the piano was just a THING! Of course it would be devastating to lose your piano but in the scheme of things - it is just a THING! It is the people and relationships that really matter. I have learned so much for which I am eternally GRATEFUL!
THANK YOU for your prayers in my behalf of ME and my FAMILY. We still need them! We have had many challenges which we are slowly overcoming. I believe in PRAYER and I KNOW they WORK! I FEEL it!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
When you Doubt the Lovely Silence of a Quiet Wooded Place,
When you Doubt the Path of Silver of Some Moonlit Water Space,
When you Doubt the Winds a Blowing,
Flash of Lightening, Glistening Rain, Sun or Starlit Heavens Above You,
On the Land or Bounding Main.
When you Doubt the Sleep of Loved Ones Deep Beneath some Precious Sod,
Listen to a Soft Voice Saying - "BE STILL - and KNOW that I am GOD"
LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT - I FEEL IT!!!!
I laid awake Saturday evening until well after midnight. I was overjoyed when my phone showed the change from June 30th to July 1st! I made it through June! The days were agonizingly LONG! I have never been one to wish the time away - always working hard and taking advantage of the beauty of each new day. Funny how perspective changes when you are merely trying to survive! Don't get me wrong. I roll out of my water bed each morning come H E L L or high-water. And honestly - it is a ROLL!! I get dressed and apply makeup. Some days just doing that requires a small rest back on the bed! By the way.... I make the bed the minute I get up for the FIRST time... Lest anyone thinks me lazy! HA!
The second round of chemo was Monday June 25th. After hearing the horror stories from my first treatment with the BAD medicine - the doctor decided not to use that particular medicine in the COCKTAIL! I didn't even have to BEG! You sit there for 2-3 hours while some of the STUFF infuses into the port. Then they give you the trusty fanny pack with the pump to continue pumping the STUFF into your poor, broken down body until Wednesday. I did OK. It causes nausea and all the joints that I had trouble with the first time - ached like crazy. Wednesday when they took it off the overwhelming feeling of fatigue and nausea hits. I was pretty good by the weekend. My right hand who happens to be one of my best friends, is still messed up from the first time. I go again Monday the 9th. I hope to be able to just continue like last time. I don't want the BAD STUFF!!
It was a beautiful week this week. The moon was beautiful. The 4th of July is my all time favorite HOLIDAY! It is a great time when MOST of my family members, siblings, their children, etc. gather for the festivities. A FRISCHKNECHT FAMILY tradition is staying overnight on the parade route on July 3rd. This year was no different. We have our FAVORITE spot and several of the nieces and nephews save the SPOT and the rest of us get there in the morning. Honestly - I don't care about the parade. It is all the other stuff that continues the TRADITION!! So THANKFUL! Kerm and I were out there until about midnight and came home. I cannot tell you how many times I have slept (there is NO sleep )out there. I have made a promise that next year I will lead the sleepover! After that we had about 60 people for the PICNIC at our house. We are close and our house is the place for the July party! So much fun, great food and such GREAT people. I love them ALL!!
My brother Kurt Frischknecht passed away June 22, 2002. This was the ten year anniversary. I cannot believe how FAST the time has gone and how much I miss him. I can hear his voice in my head. He had a FAVORITE name for me - ever since he was little. Each time he would call I was greeted with that name! His wife Cheryl remarried a couple of years later. She was left with four small children and she married RIC MCCUTCHEON! How I love that Man! He is MY BROTHER and I love him to pieces! He came to the marriage with his two sons - Chase and Chance who lived with him. Together they created a blended family - the likes of which I have NEVER seen. I pay tribute to both Cheryl and Ricky! I love them so much and they come and continue the traditions! I love that family!
To be honest I had a little let down after everyone left Thursday. I had looked so forward to this week and now I just have to keep finding things to look forward to so the time passes quickly. The last weekend in July is ALWAYS the FRISCHKNECHT FAMILY REUNION at FERRON RESERVOIR! This is my dad's family. He had five siblings - he still has two living brothers - their children and grandchildren and now great grandchildren. That is next on my agenda and I look forward to that. I WILL be camping with a motorhome - I decided a few years ago NO MORE tents for ME! Now for SURE - NO MORE TENTS! We will take the grandkids and enjoy time on the lake, four wheelers and FAMILY! By the way - those of you who are not planning on going - CHANGE YOUR MINDS and get there!!!!!
My perspective regarding LIFE has changed. When we were coming home Tuesday evening at midnight from the SPOT - we turned from University Avenue in Provo up to 800 North in Orem. A truck had gone around the corner too fast and lost his load - a P IANO! It was smashed to pieces! We drove slowly past and my heart went out to those folks. I wanted to turn around and talk to them - to let them know that the piano was just a THING! Of course it would be devastating to lose your piano but in the scheme of things - it is just a THING! It is the people and relationships that really matter. I have learned so much for which I am eternally GRATEFUL!
THANK YOU for your prayers in my behalf of ME and my FAMILY. We still need them! We have had many challenges which we are slowly overcoming. I believe in PRAYER and I KNOW they WORK! I FEEL it!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
When you Doubt the Lovely Silence of a Quiet Wooded Place,
When you Doubt the Path of Silver of Some Moonlit Water Space,
When you Doubt the Winds a Blowing,
Flash of Lightening, Glistening Rain, Sun or Starlit Heavens Above You,
On the Land or Bounding Main.
When you Doubt the Sleep of Loved Ones Deep Beneath some Precious Sod,
Listen to a Soft Voice Saying - "BE STILL - and KNOW that I am GOD"
LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL!! THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT - I FEEL IT!!!!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
MY NIGHTMARE WEEK.......
Kerm is telling me I need to write down the events of this week before I forget! HA!!!! I will NEVER forget! I have said all along that I would be frankly honest. AND - those of you who know me REALLY well know that I always call it like it is.
I know today is Saturday. I cannot tell you what happened really to the days in between my last post which was Sunday. I know that Monday morning I was at the imaging center to have CT scans of my lungs and liver. The scans were CLEAR - which was what I had hoped for - but until you HEAR the real news - You can't know for SURE! I then went upstairs to the Oncology Department for my first of EIGHT treatments - every other Monday. I knew what side effects could happen to me and I was prepared. Tell me how can one EVER prepare for TERRIBLE, AWFUL and ICKY???????
They drew my blood work through the PORT in my chest. When all that came back fairly normal (remember I had surgery four weeks prior) they came back with the STUFF - the DRUGS that are needed evidently for a CURE! Actually I had no cancer in any of 24 lymph nodes. The six weeks of chemo and radiation that I went through during Jan, Feb and March basically shrunk the tumor to NOTHING and then for asurety - they took a foot of colon! Just to make SURE!!!
I am not - nor will I ever be the ONLY person in the world to have chemotherapy. I sat there and EVERY SINGLE chair was FULL with cancer patients getting DRIPS of DRUGS! It is FREEZING in there and everyone has blankets and coverings on them because it is so COLD! I forgot my Relief Society Blanket. I LOVE my Relief Society Blanket. The ladies in my ward made it for me and I use it every day of my life! I called over to the Surgical Center where my sister Jill Andrews is Administrator and asked if they would bring me some HOT blankets from the warmer. Kelli - who I absolutely love and adore ran immediately over with blankets for Kerm and I. They were so warm and felt so good. While I was sitting there my right hand got really cold and starting CONTORTING! If you have ever had CONTORTIONS then you will know what I mean. It was like my fingers had charly horses in them and they would stiffen out and stay stiff and I could not move them without tremendous pain. Little did I know that today, Saturday, I would still be feeling those effects!
They drip the really NASTY stuff in which takes about two hours or so - then they get the trusty fanny pack out and put in the 5FU in a pump which is the present you GET to go home with - Until Wednesday. I know we went back Wednesday to get the pump off but honestly - I do not remember - it is a huge BLUR!. I felt pretty good going home Monday but felt nauseated so I laid down. I know I got up Wednesday to go back to get the pump off but I did not GET UP until this morning.
The contortions started with my right hand - MY EVERYTHING hand! In the beginning they asked if I did HAND things - such as playing the piano - crocheting, etc. I PLAY PIANO every day of my life and I had just purchased a bunch of yarn to make an afghan for my Kamie. And in fact, I took it with to hopefully work on it while I was sitting there for those hours. Ya - so much for THAT!
The contortions soon started all over my body. From the beginning to touch anything cold or drink anything cold caused a big tingling/hurt sensation. I could handle that. I drank warm juice and warm water. I will tell you this - by today (SATURDAY) it has been so hard to quench my thirst. I drink over 64 ounces a day but the thirst is not quenchable. Today I decided to put ice in my water. It is a weird sensation in your mouth but the throat feels like it is constricting and just feels sore. Cold water tasted SO GOOD! Don't ever take that for granted!!! It is a huge blessing to be NORMAL!!
My feet, my ankles, my toes, my lips, my eyes, my arms and basically all my muscles CONTORTED! I cried more this week than I have in YEARS!!!!!!!!! That hurt too - I had to really work hard to NOT cry because it hurt so bad. It was hard to walk. My calves were so sore that I could just get up and down - I could not go far. The WORST?????? My right hand! The hand that is my best friend because I use it the MOST! I couldn't really hold anything in it - it would spasm and go into STUPID CONTORTIONS!!
By Wednesday they prescribed some XANAX for me - which is an anti-anxiety drug. It wasn't so much that I was ANXIOUS but that they hoped it would calm down my muscles. The nausea was FAR WORSE than the nausea I had during my chemo and radiation in the spring.
The days have been LONG! I didn't see some of the days. I didn't see outside. Before I knew it it was dark and I welcome the dark because I knew I wouldn't have to toss and turn - that I could take some BENADRYL and a little XANAX and I would SLEEP! I welcomed the sleep. During the days it was HOT! The air conditioning gets so COLD - COLD affects you more and causes more symptoms. I laid on my bed with my BLANKET and tossed and turned. I did not eat much - food is way OVERRATED - HA!! NOT TRUE! I cannot wait to eat today. I had a little this morning but we are going to BAJIO and we always just share a salad but GOSH - it sounds so good. Kerm is ready to leave as soon as I am finished with this.
My dad, Neil Frischknecht got his PhD in Botany. All of dad's kids have ALWAYS prided themselves with beautiful yards. Last year we had a wedding Reception in our yard and it was so beautiful. This year I have not planted one flower. I have a walkway up to my front door and it is always alive with beautiful flowers and sitting in the rocking chairs on the front porch has always been such a JOY! I walked out this morning - the first time all week and was AWESTRUCK! My walk had been planted with LARGE flowers that are ready to bloom. It had been weeded - something I have not been able to do. I have always done the yard and It is THERAPY to me. Kerm left this morning to go coach his coach pitch team. He is the coach for our grandson Lukas. There bright and early was my friend CATHY METTEN! She has been my friend for 50 YEARS! She had come early and to my COMPLETE SURPRISE planted my walkway with flowers. My heart is overwhelmed. I could not even speak because I was crying! How thankful I am for friends and neighbors who have been so good to me.
There were flowers yesterday from Kelsi and John and Charlotte. Flowers today for Annalee who lives in my neighborhood. The Christensen's and Stasinos' live on either side of us. They both have chickens and have kept us in fresh eggs. Kelsi has chickens and has brought me eggs from time to time. Scranbled eggs taste really good to me. It is a food that the taste doesn't change for me with these awful drugs! I am humbled beyond anything ever before. I am GRATEFUL. I am BLESSED!
My body reacts TERRIBLY! The radiation gave me severe full thickness burns. These new chemotherapy drugs have caused SEVERE reactions in my body. I completed one course of 8 total. Every other week. I will speak with the oncologist and ask to have these drugs modified for me. I CANNOT do this again. I AM STRONG! And I also KNOW that each treatment gets cumulatively worse! I CANNOT do worse. So hopefully they will modify my course of treatment. I think they will because the cancer was NOT in any lymph nodes and at surgery ALL the margins were clear.
I do feel BLESSED. I am feeling a little better today. I do FEEL like I cannot get any worse than this treatment was. So here's to hoping they will modify my treatment and I can make it through.
Thank you for thoughts, flowers, notes, EVERYTHING! The week has been a BLUR! I know it is summer - the cherries are EARLY and I walked out today to some PURPLE cherries! There are PLENTY!
I do need prayers. I feel them and I am THANKFUL. Please hang with me a little longer and keep praying for me.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: All I can say today is COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. We ALL have them. Please ENJOY every minute of good HEALTH! DO NOT EVER take it for granted. GET YOUR CHECK UPS! A check up may just save your life! LIFE is so PRECIOUS and VALUABLE! I WANT TO LIVE!!!! I HAVE WORK TO DO!! I CANNOT DO IT THIS SICK SO I HAVE TO GET BETTER!!! I CANNOT WAIT! Love and HUGS to EVERYONE!
I know today is Saturday. I cannot tell you what happened really to the days in between my last post which was Sunday. I know that Monday morning I was at the imaging center to have CT scans of my lungs and liver. The scans were CLEAR - which was what I had hoped for - but until you HEAR the real news - You can't know for SURE! I then went upstairs to the Oncology Department for my first of EIGHT treatments - every other Monday. I knew what side effects could happen to me and I was prepared. Tell me how can one EVER prepare for TERRIBLE, AWFUL and ICKY???????
They drew my blood work through the PORT in my chest. When all that came back fairly normal (remember I had surgery four weeks prior) they came back with the STUFF - the DRUGS that are needed evidently for a CURE! Actually I had no cancer in any of 24 lymph nodes. The six weeks of chemo and radiation that I went through during Jan, Feb and March basically shrunk the tumor to NOTHING and then for asurety - they took a foot of colon! Just to make SURE!!!
I am not - nor will I ever be the ONLY person in the world to have chemotherapy. I sat there and EVERY SINGLE chair was FULL with cancer patients getting DRIPS of DRUGS! It is FREEZING in there and everyone has blankets and coverings on them because it is so COLD! I forgot my Relief Society Blanket. I LOVE my Relief Society Blanket. The ladies in my ward made it for me and I use it every day of my life! I called over to the Surgical Center where my sister Jill Andrews is Administrator and asked if they would bring me some HOT blankets from the warmer. Kelli - who I absolutely love and adore ran immediately over with blankets for Kerm and I. They were so warm and felt so good. While I was sitting there my right hand got really cold and starting CONTORTING! If you have ever had CONTORTIONS then you will know what I mean. It was like my fingers had charly horses in them and they would stiffen out and stay stiff and I could not move them without tremendous pain. Little did I know that today, Saturday, I would still be feeling those effects!
They drip the really NASTY stuff in which takes about two hours or so - then they get the trusty fanny pack out and put in the 5FU in a pump which is the present you GET to go home with - Until Wednesday. I know we went back Wednesday to get the pump off but honestly - I do not remember - it is a huge BLUR!. I felt pretty good going home Monday but felt nauseated so I laid down. I know I got up Wednesday to go back to get the pump off but I did not GET UP until this morning.
The contortions started with my right hand - MY EVERYTHING hand! In the beginning they asked if I did HAND things - such as playing the piano - crocheting, etc. I PLAY PIANO every day of my life and I had just purchased a bunch of yarn to make an afghan for my Kamie. And in fact, I took it with to hopefully work on it while I was sitting there for those hours. Ya - so much for THAT!
The contortions soon started all over my body. From the beginning to touch anything cold or drink anything cold caused a big tingling/hurt sensation. I could handle that. I drank warm juice and warm water. I will tell you this - by today (SATURDAY) it has been so hard to quench my thirst. I drink over 64 ounces a day but the thirst is not quenchable. Today I decided to put ice in my water. It is a weird sensation in your mouth but the throat feels like it is constricting and just feels sore. Cold water tasted SO GOOD! Don't ever take that for granted!!! It is a huge blessing to be NORMAL!!
My feet, my ankles, my toes, my lips, my eyes, my arms and basically all my muscles CONTORTED! I cried more this week than I have in YEARS!!!!!!!!! That hurt too - I had to really work hard to NOT cry because it hurt so bad. It was hard to walk. My calves were so sore that I could just get up and down - I could not go far. The WORST?????? My right hand! The hand that is my best friend because I use it the MOST! I couldn't really hold anything in it - it would spasm and go into STUPID CONTORTIONS!!
By Wednesday they prescribed some XANAX for me - which is an anti-anxiety drug. It wasn't so much that I was ANXIOUS but that they hoped it would calm down my muscles. The nausea was FAR WORSE than the nausea I had during my chemo and radiation in the spring.
The days have been LONG! I didn't see some of the days. I didn't see outside. Before I knew it it was dark and I welcome the dark because I knew I wouldn't have to toss and turn - that I could take some BENADRYL and a little XANAX and I would SLEEP! I welcomed the sleep. During the days it was HOT! The air conditioning gets so COLD - COLD affects you more and causes more symptoms. I laid on my bed with my BLANKET and tossed and turned. I did not eat much - food is way OVERRATED - HA!! NOT TRUE! I cannot wait to eat today. I had a little this morning but we are going to BAJIO and we always just share a salad but GOSH - it sounds so good. Kerm is ready to leave as soon as I am finished with this.
My dad, Neil Frischknecht got his PhD in Botany. All of dad's kids have ALWAYS prided themselves with beautiful yards. Last year we had a wedding Reception in our yard and it was so beautiful. This year I have not planted one flower. I have a walkway up to my front door and it is always alive with beautiful flowers and sitting in the rocking chairs on the front porch has always been such a JOY! I walked out this morning - the first time all week and was AWESTRUCK! My walk had been planted with LARGE flowers that are ready to bloom. It had been weeded - something I have not been able to do. I have always done the yard and It is THERAPY to me. Kerm left this morning to go coach his coach pitch team. He is the coach for our grandson Lukas. There bright and early was my friend CATHY METTEN! She has been my friend for 50 YEARS! She had come early and to my COMPLETE SURPRISE planted my walkway with flowers. My heart is overwhelmed. I could not even speak because I was crying! How thankful I am for friends and neighbors who have been so good to me.
There were flowers yesterday from Kelsi and John and Charlotte. Flowers today for Annalee who lives in my neighborhood. The Christensen's and Stasinos' live on either side of us. They both have chickens and have kept us in fresh eggs. Kelsi has chickens and has brought me eggs from time to time. Scranbled eggs taste really good to me. It is a food that the taste doesn't change for me with these awful drugs! I am humbled beyond anything ever before. I am GRATEFUL. I am BLESSED!
My body reacts TERRIBLY! The radiation gave me severe full thickness burns. These new chemotherapy drugs have caused SEVERE reactions in my body. I completed one course of 8 total. Every other week. I will speak with the oncologist and ask to have these drugs modified for me. I CANNOT do this again. I AM STRONG! And I also KNOW that each treatment gets cumulatively worse! I CANNOT do worse. So hopefully they will modify my course of treatment. I think they will because the cancer was NOT in any lymph nodes and at surgery ALL the margins were clear.
I do feel BLESSED. I am feeling a little better today. I do FEEL like I cannot get any worse than this treatment was. So here's to hoping they will modify my treatment and I can make it through.
Thank you for thoughts, flowers, notes, EVERYTHING! The week has been a BLUR! I know it is summer - the cherries are EARLY and I walked out today to some PURPLE cherries! There are PLENTY!
I do need prayers. I feel them and I am THANKFUL. Please hang with me a little longer and keep praying for me.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: All I can say today is COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. We ALL have them. Please ENJOY every minute of good HEALTH! DO NOT EVER take it for granted. GET YOUR CHECK UPS! A check up may just save your life! LIFE is so PRECIOUS and VALUABLE! I WANT TO LIVE!!!! I HAVE WORK TO DO!! I CANNOT DO IT THIS SICK SO I HAVE TO GET BETTER!!! I CANNOT WAIT! Love and HUGS to EVERYONE!
Sunday, June 10, 2012
HALFWAY THROUGH......
Today is a BEAUTIFUL Sunday in Orem, Utah. It is only 64 degrees at 2:30 in the afternoon but the sun is shining and it is beautiful! We went to Church this morning and today was the first time in weeks that I taught the Young Single Adults. I LOVE them and I love teaching. I didn't stay for the third hour! ONE STEP at a time!!
I saw Dr. Bott, The Oncologist on Friday afternoon. Friday was four weeks since my surgery. Each week I feel like I have turned a corner. I can honestly say I ALMOST feel normal. My energy is still lacking because it is hard to get nourishment - and I am actually eating A LOT!! HA HA - for the FIRST time in my life - I can eat absolutely ANYTHING I want and still go down almost a half pound a day! I have lost almost 20 pounds and like I tell everyone - It is a HARD way to lose weight!
Dr. Bott has determined that I am ready to begin the last chemotherapy treatments. I will start tomorrow, June 11th. It has been six months now since my CT scans, etc. of my liver and lungs - which by-the-way showed NO cancer. So tomorrow at 9 am I will have CT scans and then head to the Oncology Department for the beginning of my final round of chemotherapy. There are a total of three drugs which will be infused. On Monday I will sit there for ths first infusion which lasts about 3 hours. They will then send me home with my trusty FANNY PACK (Good luck cause I have no FANNY LEFT) which will have the rest of the chemo being to\pumped through the port in my chest until Wednesday when they will take the pump off. I will then have 11 days to recover and will return on Monday June 25th for the SAME THING! I have to do this for 8-12 treatments which will take 4-6 months. Because there was no lymph node involvement I have already made the decision that I will go the 4 months. I will then have a month to recover and will have the final surgery to reconnect EVERYTHING! I am on the countdown. Each day is one day closer to being FINISHED. I actually consider myself MORE than half way through because supposedly the chemo combined with the radiation is harder than what I am going to have to go through and the 8 hour surgery was the WORST! The next surgery is about an hour. So here I go.
I have heard all sorts of HORROR stories about this next chemotherapy treatment. I read the side effects and truly FREAKED out! Last time I had only the one drug which is called 5-FU. I have to laugh. What a name for a cancer drug! I did OK with that and only had a little bit of nausea. This time there are THREE drugs involved. One is more of the 5FU - the other is Leucovorin which is a reduced folic acid and actually works with the other drugs to ENHANCE the effectiveness. Great - I for SURE want to enhance that effectiveness! GOSH!!! The third drug is called Oxaliplatin. That is the BAD one! They say it is used in cancer which has metastasized but MINE HAS NOT!!! So I don't know WHY I have to do this - only that they say it is BEST! I will follow the instructions because I WANT TO LIVE! I DO NOT want to do any of this. But I want to live and in my mind I HAVE TO DO IT!! The side effects of this drug are awful!They do say however, that these side effects are ALMOST always reversible and will go away after treatment! WHATEVER!
There is peripheral neuropathy which is numbness and tingling and cramping of the hands or feet often triggered by cold. These symptoms will generally lessen or go away between treatments HOWEVER - as the number of treatments increase the numbness and tingling will take longer to lessen or go away! Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, mouth sores, low blood counts, fatigue and LOSS OF APPETITE! Great! I have heard that you cannot drink anything COLD at all and remember - we are in the SUMMER MONTHS! I can handle this part because I can drink warm water and keep my juices in small cans that I can consume without having to refrigerate. If you were to open a refrigerator WITHOUT GLOVES it would feel like your hands are burning! I mean NO COLD at all. If you drink cold stuff it will feel as if your throat is closing off and you cannot get air. They TELL ME that this is ONLY a feeling - what they don't know is that if that happens to me - I will have a PANIC attack! If there is anyone who has had this drug please let me know how you have done with it. I will outline my journey HONESTLY and tell the whole STORY!
With that being said I am GRATEFUL. I am THANKFUL. I am so HAPPY to be feeling so much better and doing NORMAL things AGAIN! We had Simone, Lukas and Stella yesterday afternoon and took them to the Orem Summerfest which was a lot of fun. It was however FREEZING with blowing winds so we only stayed a couple of hours. We had a GREAT sleepover last night and it felt normal and fun! We did not ask yet for Charlotte for the night because she needs to hang close to her mama right now. Eventually we hope she gets to join our sleepovers! I LOVE LOVE LOVE these babies! Oh my gosh - They are truly my REASON for LIVING!!! For WANTING to LIVE!. I am THANKFUL!
It is interesting because my blog talks about Angels attending me through this journey and I need to tell you this is the TRUTH! I have ANGELS who are watching out for me - who help bless my life and help me through hard times. For this experience - I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL! I ALSO KNOW that I have ANGELS on the other side of the VEIL who are attending me! I feel their presence - I feel the love and I am GRATEFUL! I feel very blessed.
What I will ask now is this - PLEASE PRAY HARD FOR ME - AND my family! I know it seems like such a selfish thing for me to ask but I NEED your prayers. I need help going through these next few months!. Please continue putting my name on the Temples where you are. I KNOW with assurance that it WORKS. I feel the power of prayer in my life and it is very HUMBLING.
THANK YOU - EVERYONE. Thank you for your kindnesses, your kind thoughts and notes and EVERYTHING. I am TRULY APPRECIATIVE! Kerm and I pray hard for those we know who are undergoing difficulties. If you know someone who needs help or prayers - please let us know.
I will be a SURVIVOR. I DO NOT WANT to go through the next few months but my reward will be HAPPY HOLIDAYS! They will be here BEFORE we know it! I will update and outline my journey.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Your Ship is Equal to the Load of TODAY; but When You are Carrying Yesterday's Worry and Tomorrow's Anxiety, You Must Lighten Your Load or You will SINK"
I am trying to take this one day at a time. That is the ONLY way I can do it. It is mind boggling to think of the weeks I have to go. I can do this - ONE DAY AT A TIME! Love and Hugs to EVERYONE!
I saw Dr. Bott, The Oncologist on Friday afternoon. Friday was four weeks since my surgery. Each week I feel like I have turned a corner. I can honestly say I ALMOST feel normal. My energy is still lacking because it is hard to get nourishment - and I am actually eating A LOT!! HA HA - for the FIRST time in my life - I can eat absolutely ANYTHING I want and still go down almost a half pound a day! I have lost almost 20 pounds and like I tell everyone - It is a HARD way to lose weight!
Dr. Bott has determined that I am ready to begin the last chemotherapy treatments. I will start tomorrow, June 11th. It has been six months now since my CT scans, etc. of my liver and lungs - which by-the-way showed NO cancer. So tomorrow at 9 am I will have CT scans and then head to the Oncology Department for the beginning of my final round of chemotherapy. There are a total of three drugs which will be infused. On Monday I will sit there for ths first infusion which lasts about 3 hours. They will then send me home with my trusty FANNY PACK (Good luck cause I have no FANNY LEFT) which will have the rest of the chemo being to\pumped through the port in my chest until Wednesday when they will take the pump off. I will then have 11 days to recover and will return on Monday June 25th for the SAME THING! I have to do this for 8-12 treatments which will take 4-6 months. Because there was no lymph node involvement I have already made the decision that I will go the 4 months. I will then have a month to recover and will have the final surgery to reconnect EVERYTHING! I am on the countdown. Each day is one day closer to being FINISHED. I actually consider myself MORE than half way through because supposedly the chemo combined with the radiation is harder than what I am going to have to go through and the 8 hour surgery was the WORST! The next surgery is about an hour. So here I go.
I have heard all sorts of HORROR stories about this next chemotherapy treatment. I read the side effects and truly FREAKED out! Last time I had only the one drug which is called 5-FU. I have to laugh. What a name for a cancer drug! I did OK with that and only had a little bit of nausea. This time there are THREE drugs involved. One is more of the 5FU - the other is Leucovorin which is a reduced folic acid and actually works with the other drugs to ENHANCE the effectiveness. Great - I for SURE want to enhance that effectiveness! GOSH!!! The third drug is called Oxaliplatin. That is the BAD one! They say it is used in cancer which has metastasized but MINE HAS NOT!!! So I don't know WHY I have to do this - only that they say it is BEST! I will follow the instructions because I WANT TO LIVE! I DO NOT want to do any of this. But I want to live and in my mind I HAVE TO DO IT!! The side effects of this drug are awful!They do say however, that these side effects are ALMOST always reversible and will go away after treatment! WHATEVER!
There is peripheral neuropathy which is numbness and tingling and cramping of the hands or feet often triggered by cold. These symptoms will generally lessen or go away between treatments HOWEVER - as the number of treatments increase the numbness and tingling will take longer to lessen or go away! Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, mouth sores, low blood counts, fatigue and LOSS OF APPETITE! Great! I have heard that you cannot drink anything COLD at all and remember - we are in the SUMMER MONTHS! I can handle this part because I can drink warm water and keep my juices in small cans that I can consume without having to refrigerate. If you were to open a refrigerator WITHOUT GLOVES it would feel like your hands are burning! I mean NO COLD at all. If you drink cold stuff it will feel as if your throat is closing off and you cannot get air. They TELL ME that this is ONLY a feeling - what they don't know is that if that happens to me - I will have a PANIC attack! If there is anyone who has had this drug please let me know how you have done with it. I will outline my journey HONESTLY and tell the whole STORY!
With that being said I am GRATEFUL. I am THANKFUL. I am so HAPPY to be feeling so much better and doing NORMAL things AGAIN! We had Simone, Lukas and Stella yesterday afternoon and took them to the Orem Summerfest which was a lot of fun. It was however FREEZING with blowing winds so we only stayed a couple of hours. We had a GREAT sleepover last night and it felt normal and fun! We did not ask yet for Charlotte for the night because she needs to hang close to her mama right now. Eventually we hope she gets to join our sleepovers! I LOVE LOVE LOVE these babies! Oh my gosh - They are truly my REASON for LIVING!!! For WANTING to LIVE!. I am THANKFUL!
It is interesting because my blog talks about Angels attending me through this journey and I need to tell you this is the TRUTH! I have ANGELS who are watching out for me - who help bless my life and help me through hard times. For this experience - I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL! I ALSO KNOW that I have ANGELS on the other side of the VEIL who are attending me! I feel their presence - I feel the love and I am GRATEFUL! I feel very blessed.
What I will ask now is this - PLEASE PRAY HARD FOR ME - AND my family! I know it seems like such a selfish thing for me to ask but I NEED your prayers. I need help going through these next few months!. Please continue putting my name on the Temples where you are. I KNOW with assurance that it WORKS. I feel the power of prayer in my life and it is very HUMBLING.
THANK YOU - EVERYONE. Thank you for your kindnesses, your kind thoughts and notes and EVERYTHING. I am TRULY APPRECIATIVE! Kerm and I pray hard for those we know who are undergoing difficulties. If you know someone who needs help or prayers - please let us know.
I will be a SURVIVOR. I DO NOT WANT to go through the next few months but my reward will be HAPPY HOLIDAYS! They will be here BEFORE we know it! I will update and outline my journey.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Your Ship is Equal to the Load of TODAY; but When You are Carrying Yesterday's Worry and Tomorrow's Anxiety, You Must Lighten Your Load or You will SINK"
I am trying to take this one day at a time. That is the ONLY way I can do it. It is mind boggling to think of the weeks I have to go. I can do this - ONE DAY AT A TIME! Love and Hugs to EVERYONE!
Thursday, May 31, 2012
PAYING TRIBUTE.....
This is the Memorial Day Week! I have been overcome with emotion as I thought of ALL the people I need to pay tribute to! I am so THANKFUL to live in this country - where we enjoy many freedoms! I am THANKFUL to those who have fought and continue to fight in this never ending quest for freedom! My dad, Neil C. Frischknecht fought in World War II as did many of my uncles. My dad was an officer in the Navy serving on the USS Chester. I am THANKFUL for the COURAGE the men and women display each and every day as they serve this GREAT country. My belief is that our country is in great danger of losing some of those freedoms! We ALL need to work hard to select good leaders - leaders who will take us on the pathways we need to be on to ensure those freedoms we DESERVE! GOD BLESS AMERICA! GOD BLESS US ALL!!
I was released from the Huntsman Cancer Hospital on Wednesday May 16th. I came home and immediately started doing the things I am normally accustomed to doing. It was plain and simply TOO MUCH! We went to dinner Saturday the 19th and I flippantly stated that "it's hard to keep a good girl down". It IS hard to keep a good girl down BUT.... A good girl should KNOW when too much is too much!! Probably the hardest thing EVER is having to rest a lot and watch others MOW MY LAWNS!! It is such a great therapeutic release for me to work in the yard and for years and years, other than spraying the fruit trees, fixing sprinklers and some help with weeding - I have done the yard work! I have not yet planted my flowers but it is still wonderful sitting in the beautiful yard! I LOVE IT!
I am doing a lot better. Each day there is improvement. I am slowly gaining back my strength and stamina. I continue to lose weight as it is hard to keep nourishment in my body. I go down about a half pound a DAY! HA - this is a weight loss program I WOULD NOT recommend. I am adjusting to all the NEW things and feel like I have a grip on my life! I saw Dr. Sklow for my two week follow up last Thursday and he does not want to see me until I am finished with the new round of chemo in the fall. It will then be time to reconnect everything and get this PORT out of my chest! I CANNOT wait! It is going to be a long summer. I see Dr. Bott on Friday June 8th. I am assuming I will start chemo Monday June 11th. My friend who is going through the same course I will be undergoing says it is a great WEIGHT LOSS program. She has a lot of nausea and finds it difficult to find anything that sounds good to eat! I am hopeful that I can take enough antinausea medicine to keep myself going! As with my last round of chemotherapy, this type of treatment may thin the hair - I won't lose it!
There are so many people to pay TRIBUTE to this week. It is hard to know where to start. First and foremost, I am THANKFUL and BLESSED to have a great family! I love them so much! I cannot begin to express my LOVE and APPRECIATION for their SUPPORT. My Brothers and Sisters have stayed in touch with me and have been concerned for my welfare. This has been such a hard thing to go through. I am trying to do it with grace and dignity but it is still very HARD! It was during the past week that I really felt like a CANCER PATIENT! UGH! When I saw Dr. Sklow last week however, he said my disease is 100% curable and that if I do the last bit of chemo I should live a great life! I WILL heed his advice! He is the EXPERT - and I LOVE him!
I am THANKFUL for my husband. He has been by my side through this whole NIGHTMARE! I cannot begin to imagine going through something like this alone. If you or someone you know is ever alone in this battle please let me know. I will BE THERE for anyone who needs me. I am thankful for my children. My girls have been so amazing. I am brought to tears just thinking about how supportive they have been to me. I love them so much. Kamie and Mike flew out again over the weekend so I was able to see her two times in two weeks. Kelsi and John AND Charlotte had us all to dinner while Kamie was here. Makes a mama's heart feel so GREAT! My oldest son Kasey had a cornea transplant during this time and spent a few nights at our home while he was recovering. One night there we sat - Kerm who had a headache, Kasey with a transplanted cornea and a sore eye and ME - getting over surgery. Kasey said it reminded him of a MASH episode!
I pay TRIBUTE to Beckie Davis. I have known her for many years and though we live in the same homes, we have been in and out of same wards at different times. How GRATEFUL am I that she is currently in my ward. She is am amazing, positive, brilliant lady who has helped me SO MUCH! She is a wound care nurse at Utah Valley Hospital. She has come over to help me SEVERAL times when I have been stuck and for that I am eternally grateful! I know she is there for me and I am humbled by her help to me! She is truly an ANGEL on earth who is in my life and who I NEED!!! There are OTHER ANGELS to whom I pay tribute. You know who you are! I LOVE YOU!
I am THANKFUL for FRIENDS who have been so incredibly supportive to me. Friends from all over the world. The notes and messages mean so much to me. I am THANKFUL for those who have brought in food and have offered such great support to us. Every little act of kindness means so much. THANK YOU!
I pay TRIBUTE to Haley and Chase McCormick. Haley is the oldest daughter of my brother Kurt Frischknecht who died tragically ten years ago in a horrific car accident. I miss him so much! I can still hear his voice in my head calling my name! When he passed away he left his wife and four small children behind - Haley being the oldest, sister Daryn, brother Blake and brother Kade. Kade turned 3 the day after his daddy passed away. Haley and Chase have been married two years and have been the residents of our basement apartment. They are AMAZING young leaders who have touched the lives of MANY! Haley has been here with me through many hard times during the past 2 1/2 years. I can honestly say she has been my right hand LADY! She is wise FAR beyond her years and together they are simply an AMAZING couple. She graduated from BYU a year ago and Chase is now completing his work at UVU. They will be MOVING ON very soon and I will miss them GREATLY! During the past two weeks they have been HUGELY supportive and loving to me. Kerm and Kasey had to leave for Penn State for several days after I was released from the hospital. I was comforted by the mere presence of this great couple! I LOVE them and will serve them for the rest of my life!
I would urge EVERYONE to NEVER take life for granted! Life is precious - Life is great - If anyone is struggling please contact me. I will help you in any way possible! Take every precaution to maintain good health! Get your CHECK UPS! They SAVE lives! I am THANKFUL that my STRENGTH is returning. I pray for STRENGTH. We all have our ups and downs and each and everyone of us has our STRUGGLES! Struggles are stepping stones - learning experiences that get us closer to our ultimate goal of one day returning to our GOD! I pray for STRENGTH!!
Please continue to pray for me. I am still recovering and it will take some time. I still get shots in my stomach every day which is SICK! I HATE shots! Especially in my stomach!! I need all the prayers I can get in my behalf. I am THANKFUL for the prayers and support in my behalf. Please pray for my family! Keep my name on the prayer rolls. I FEEL the support. I know it works!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "The Really HAPPY Person is the One Who Can Enjoy The Scenery When He HAS To Take A Detour!"! I have had to take a DETOUR on my life path. I am HAPPY though because I KNOW that I will soon be back on track. STAY HAPPY! LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL!
I was released from the Huntsman Cancer Hospital on Wednesday May 16th. I came home and immediately started doing the things I am normally accustomed to doing. It was plain and simply TOO MUCH! We went to dinner Saturday the 19th and I flippantly stated that "it's hard to keep a good girl down". It IS hard to keep a good girl down BUT.... A good girl should KNOW when too much is too much!! Probably the hardest thing EVER is having to rest a lot and watch others MOW MY LAWNS!! It is such a great therapeutic release for me to work in the yard and for years and years, other than spraying the fruit trees, fixing sprinklers and some help with weeding - I have done the yard work! I have not yet planted my flowers but it is still wonderful sitting in the beautiful yard! I LOVE IT!
I am doing a lot better. Each day there is improvement. I am slowly gaining back my strength and stamina. I continue to lose weight as it is hard to keep nourishment in my body. I go down about a half pound a DAY! HA - this is a weight loss program I WOULD NOT recommend. I am adjusting to all the NEW things and feel like I have a grip on my life! I saw Dr. Sklow for my two week follow up last Thursday and he does not want to see me until I am finished with the new round of chemo in the fall. It will then be time to reconnect everything and get this PORT out of my chest! I CANNOT wait! It is going to be a long summer. I see Dr. Bott on Friday June 8th. I am assuming I will start chemo Monday June 11th. My friend who is going through the same course I will be undergoing says it is a great WEIGHT LOSS program. She has a lot of nausea and finds it difficult to find anything that sounds good to eat! I am hopeful that I can take enough antinausea medicine to keep myself going! As with my last round of chemotherapy, this type of treatment may thin the hair - I won't lose it!
There are so many people to pay TRIBUTE to this week. It is hard to know where to start. First and foremost, I am THANKFUL and BLESSED to have a great family! I love them so much! I cannot begin to express my LOVE and APPRECIATION for their SUPPORT. My Brothers and Sisters have stayed in touch with me and have been concerned for my welfare. This has been such a hard thing to go through. I am trying to do it with grace and dignity but it is still very HARD! It was during the past week that I really felt like a CANCER PATIENT! UGH! When I saw Dr. Sklow last week however, he said my disease is 100% curable and that if I do the last bit of chemo I should live a great life! I WILL heed his advice! He is the EXPERT - and I LOVE him!
I am THANKFUL for my husband. He has been by my side through this whole NIGHTMARE! I cannot begin to imagine going through something like this alone. If you or someone you know is ever alone in this battle please let me know. I will BE THERE for anyone who needs me. I am thankful for my children. My girls have been so amazing. I am brought to tears just thinking about how supportive they have been to me. I love them so much. Kamie and Mike flew out again over the weekend so I was able to see her two times in two weeks. Kelsi and John AND Charlotte had us all to dinner while Kamie was here. Makes a mama's heart feel so GREAT! My oldest son Kasey had a cornea transplant during this time and spent a few nights at our home while he was recovering. One night there we sat - Kerm who had a headache, Kasey with a transplanted cornea and a sore eye and ME - getting over surgery. Kasey said it reminded him of a MASH episode!
I pay TRIBUTE to Beckie Davis. I have known her for many years and though we live in the same homes, we have been in and out of same wards at different times. How GRATEFUL am I that she is currently in my ward. She is am amazing, positive, brilliant lady who has helped me SO MUCH! She is a wound care nurse at Utah Valley Hospital. She has come over to help me SEVERAL times when I have been stuck and for that I am eternally grateful! I know she is there for me and I am humbled by her help to me! She is truly an ANGEL on earth who is in my life and who I NEED!!! There are OTHER ANGELS to whom I pay tribute. You know who you are! I LOVE YOU!
I am THANKFUL for FRIENDS who have been so incredibly supportive to me. Friends from all over the world. The notes and messages mean so much to me. I am THANKFUL for those who have brought in food and have offered such great support to us. Every little act of kindness means so much. THANK YOU!
I pay TRIBUTE to Haley and Chase McCormick. Haley is the oldest daughter of my brother Kurt Frischknecht who died tragically ten years ago in a horrific car accident. I miss him so much! I can still hear his voice in my head calling my name! When he passed away he left his wife and four small children behind - Haley being the oldest, sister Daryn, brother Blake and brother Kade. Kade turned 3 the day after his daddy passed away. Haley and Chase have been married two years and have been the residents of our basement apartment. They are AMAZING young leaders who have touched the lives of MANY! Haley has been here with me through many hard times during the past 2 1/2 years. I can honestly say she has been my right hand LADY! She is wise FAR beyond her years and together they are simply an AMAZING couple. She graduated from BYU a year ago and Chase is now completing his work at UVU. They will be MOVING ON very soon and I will miss them GREATLY! During the past two weeks they have been HUGELY supportive and loving to me. Kerm and Kasey had to leave for Penn State for several days after I was released from the hospital. I was comforted by the mere presence of this great couple! I LOVE them and will serve them for the rest of my life!
I would urge EVERYONE to NEVER take life for granted! Life is precious - Life is great - If anyone is struggling please contact me. I will help you in any way possible! Take every precaution to maintain good health! Get your CHECK UPS! They SAVE lives! I am THANKFUL that my STRENGTH is returning. I pray for STRENGTH. We all have our ups and downs and each and everyone of us has our STRUGGLES! Struggles are stepping stones - learning experiences that get us closer to our ultimate goal of one day returning to our GOD! I pray for STRENGTH!!
Please continue to pray for me. I am still recovering and it will take some time. I still get shots in my stomach every day which is SICK! I HATE shots! Especially in my stomach!! I need all the prayers I can get in my behalf. I am THANKFUL for the prayers and support in my behalf. Please pray for my family! Keep my name on the prayer rolls. I FEEL the support. I know it works!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "The Really HAPPY Person is the One Who Can Enjoy The Scenery When He HAS To Take A Detour!"! I have had to take a DETOUR on my life path. I am HAPPY though because I KNOW that I will soon be back on track. STAY HAPPY! LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL!
Thursday, May 17, 2012
CONTINUING WITH MY JOURNEY.....
The last week has been a PURE BLUR! Thursday May 10th was an ALL liquid day - drinking nasty stuff getting ready for the surgery Friday morning - May 11th. Ugh! I am so done with broth and jello so I just drank all I could without having to have that stuff! My daughter Kamie arrived from Dayton, Ohio at about 8:30 Thursday night and I was so THANKFUL and COMFORTED with her presence. Friday morning we left the house at 5 am to make it to the Huntsman Cancer Hospital by 6 am. Kamie and Kerm were with me the whole time. We checked in and immediately a nurse came to take us back to start the IV, get the blood work, etc. I HATE ALL THAT STUFF. I HATE blood work. I HATE IVs! I HATE all of that. Kamie had requested the OR nurse and the anesthesiologist who would be there to work with me. They came in and calmed my fears. I told them I do NOT like seeing the inside of the operating room. I like to be OUT before I get there. I don't remember anything else so they did a GREAT JOB!!
My biggest fear of that day was the length of the surgery. It took a long time. 8 hours to be exact. Evidently during surgery I reacted to the pain because they gave me more and more anesthesia. It took about four hours in recovery and longer to get me to the room. Kerm and Kamie were there but I don't remembe much about that. I get really sick with anesthesia and I do remember dry heaving. UGH - until now - throwing up has been my WORST thing ever. In fact - I am THANKFUL I raised four NON-BARFERS!! I remember only one time Kerm was not at home when 2-year-old Kamie threw up. He had to walk me through the clean up of that day time BARF over the phone! ! The other times he was at home and he took total care of those poor babies whose mother couldn't DEAL with it! Gosh - I've learned a lot since then!
Saturday I was still trying to realize everything happening to me. Obviously I was able to make a facebook post! GOSH! I was still so out of it as I was on SUNDAY too! I was vaguely aware that my family was there but let's put it this way - there wasn't a WHOLE LOT of two way conversation going on!. Kamie had to leave at about 8:30 Sunday morning to make it back to Ohio Sunday evening. She and Mike are coming back for Memorial Day weekend. That will be a much better conversation - I can PROMISE!. Thank YOU Kamie. Thank you for coming to support me and DAD! He needed you there and I am so THANKFUL you were able to be there!
So let's get to the nitty gritty. Monday evidently I did pretty well - STILL a BIG BLUR. In fact - I did not put my contacts in until Tuesday and I had a MAGNIFICENT ROOM with a MAGNIFICENT VIEW! Too bad they kicked me out so fast!. Tuesday I was asked if I could walk four times around the whole floor by myself. WELL - that was a NO BRAINER - to be honest - it was really really hard. It was probably my worst day but I did all the stuff I needed to do in order for them to tell me I would probably go home Wednesday. So much for the 7-10 days. They kept telling me I was a ROCK STAR. OK - that has NEVER been on my bucket list but gosh who wouldn't want to be called that?? I could have cared LESS!!! My nurse told me that there was a girl in her 20's on the floor who has colon cancer. She would not get up - she would not do what they asked. I want to go back and talk to her - Maybe Monday or so. I will try to help her. I can only imagine her acute depression. They said she WOULD be there for the two weeks at least probably. BLESS HER HEART!
I was called this morning by Dr. Sklow! I LOVE that guy! He is an amazing human begin and an excellent colorectal surgeon. Both of his parents have succumbed to this awful disease! I just kept telling him - if I were your mom - what would you do? He would tell me honestly and in direct detail. I did what he said and I am so THANKFUL. He gave me the stark pathology reports! I am so THANKFUL!
Dr. Sklow removed one foot of my colon. I can't tell you how excited I was to hear that - NOT!!! But this is the DEAL!!! He removed 24 lymph nodes - ALL were CANCER-FREE! There was a small tumor deposit in some fatty tissue which he said was not a big deal! The tumor was that half-dime size and ALL the margins were completely CANCER-FREE! I had honestly been waiting on pins and needles for those results! I am GRATEFUL!
The BAD, AWFUL, ICKY part?? I was left with a TEMPORARY ileostomy. If you don't know what that is just google it - I can hardly even talk about it - let alone explain it. BUT - Each day is one day closer to getting it reversed. I am hoping for about four months. He told me he wants me to have more chemotherapy. It will be a little harder on me than the original chemo - but NO MORE radiation. That should leave me cancer-free REALLY!. So in about 4-5 months I should be BETTER.
This is going to be a LONG SUMMER!. I am in this for the long haul. I can do this. I do NOT want to do this but remember I have said a million times - I CHOOSE TO LIVE!. I have work to do. I KNOW it - I FEEL it and it is inherent in my very SOUL!. So a few months of AWFUl is a small price to pay. I just need to get through day by day!
I need to tell you this - my HUSBAND stayed with me the WHOLE time. He pulled out that miserable little sofa and laid diagnonally and was there to attend to my every need. I KNOW that is why I was able to do it. I am so THANKFUL for him - to him - for EVERYTHING!. He IS my EVERYTHING! I am BLESSED!
So THANK YOU to EVERYONE! I am so THANKFUL!. I have been BLESSED! I still feel in a bit of a blur but - just so you don't think I am SLACKING - I did three loads of laundry today. I worked REALLY REALLY hard for about four hours last night to NOT THROW UP!!! I had only been taking ONE HALF of a LORTAB - but I am off of that. It makes me so SICK! I have had two ibuprofen today. I was asked my a home health nurse my pain level on a scale of 1-10. I said honestly I don't even think it has been a 2 since the whole ordeal began - so HUGE BLESSING!!!
I STAND AS A WITNESS that GOD LIVES! I STAND as a WITNESS that the POWER of PRAYER is GREATER than ANY power on EARTH! I have been truly blessed. Yes - I have some awful icky stuff to do but I will do it and I will help others and be of service the rest of my days! THANK YOU! My LOVE to EACH and EVERYONE of YOU!. I am BLESSED. I am HUMBLED and I am THANKFUL for all the SUPPORT. PLEASE continue praying. I need your prayers. The worst thing that hurts is the stupid shot I have to have in my stomach every day - given by BUBBA! It HURT today!!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!! LOVE AND HUGS!!!
My biggest fear of that day was the length of the surgery. It took a long time. 8 hours to be exact. Evidently during surgery I reacted to the pain because they gave me more and more anesthesia. It took about four hours in recovery and longer to get me to the room. Kerm and Kamie were there but I don't remembe much about that. I get really sick with anesthesia and I do remember dry heaving. UGH - until now - throwing up has been my WORST thing ever. In fact - I am THANKFUL I raised four NON-BARFERS!! I remember only one time Kerm was not at home when 2-year-old Kamie threw up. He had to walk me through the clean up of that day time BARF over the phone! ! The other times he was at home and he took total care of those poor babies whose mother couldn't DEAL with it! Gosh - I've learned a lot since then!
Saturday I was still trying to realize everything happening to me. Obviously I was able to make a facebook post! GOSH! I was still so out of it as I was on SUNDAY too! I was vaguely aware that my family was there but let's put it this way - there wasn't a WHOLE LOT of two way conversation going on!. Kamie had to leave at about 8:30 Sunday morning to make it back to Ohio Sunday evening. She and Mike are coming back for Memorial Day weekend. That will be a much better conversation - I can PROMISE!. Thank YOU Kamie. Thank you for coming to support me and DAD! He needed you there and I am so THANKFUL you were able to be there!
So let's get to the nitty gritty. Monday evidently I did pretty well - STILL a BIG BLUR. In fact - I did not put my contacts in until Tuesday and I had a MAGNIFICENT ROOM with a MAGNIFICENT VIEW! Too bad they kicked me out so fast!. Tuesday I was asked if I could walk four times around the whole floor by myself. WELL - that was a NO BRAINER - to be honest - it was really really hard. It was probably my worst day but I did all the stuff I needed to do in order for them to tell me I would probably go home Wednesday. So much for the 7-10 days. They kept telling me I was a ROCK STAR. OK - that has NEVER been on my bucket list but gosh who wouldn't want to be called that?? I could have cared LESS!!! My nurse told me that there was a girl in her 20's on the floor who has colon cancer. She would not get up - she would not do what they asked. I want to go back and talk to her - Maybe Monday or so. I will try to help her. I can only imagine her acute depression. They said she WOULD be there for the two weeks at least probably. BLESS HER HEART!
I was called this morning by Dr. Sklow! I LOVE that guy! He is an amazing human begin and an excellent colorectal surgeon. Both of his parents have succumbed to this awful disease! I just kept telling him - if I were your mom - what would you do? He would tell me honestly and in direct detail. I did what he said and I am so THANKFUL. He gave me the stark pathology reports! I am so THANKFUL!
Dr. Sklow removed one foot of my colon. I can't tell you how excited I was to hear that - NOT!!! But this is the DEAL!!! He removed 24 lymph nodes - ALL were CANCER-FREE! There was a small tumor deposit in some fatty tissue which he said was not a big deal! The tumor was that half-dime size and ALL the margins were completely CANCER-FREE! I had honestly been waiting on pins and needles for those results! I am GRATEFUL!
The BAD, AWFUL, ICKY part?? I was left with a TEMPORARY ileostomy. If you don't know what that is just google it - I can hardly even talk about it - let alone explain it. BUT - Each day is one day closer to getting it reversed. I am hoping for about four months. He told me he wants me to have more chemotherapy. It will be a little harder on me than the original chemo - but NO MORE radiation. That should leave me cancer-free REALLY!. So in about 4-5 months I should be BETTER.
This is going to be a LONG SUMMER!. I am in this for the long haul. I can do this. I do NOT want to do this but remember I have said a million times - I CHOOSE TO LIVE!. I have work to do. I KNOW it - I FEEL it and it is inherent in my very SOUL!. So a few months of AWFUl is a small price to pay. I just need to get through day by day!
I need to tell you this - my HUSBAND stayed with me the WHOLE time. He pulled out that miserable little sofa and laid diagnonally and was there to attend to my every need. I KNOW that is why I was able to do it. I am so THANKFUL for him - to him - for EVERYTHING!. He IS my EVERYTHING! I am BLESSED!
So THANK YOU to EVERYONE! I am so THANKFUL!. I have been BLESSED! I still feel in a bit of a blur but - just so you don't think I am SLACKING - I did three loads of laundry today. I worked REALLY REALLY hard for about four hours last night to NOT THROW UP!!! I had only been taking ONE HALF of a LORTAB - but I am off of that. It makes me so SICK! I have had two ibuprofen today. I was asked my a home health nurse my pain level on a scale of 1-10. I said honestly I don't even think it has been a 2 since the whole ordeal began - so HUGE BLESSING!!!
I STAND AS A WITNESS that GOD LIVES! I STAND as a WITNESS that the POWER of PRAYER is GREATER than ANY power on EARTH! I have been truly blessed. Yes - I have some awful icky stuff to do but I will do it and I will help others and be of service the rest of my days! THANK YOU! My LOVE to EACH and EVERYONE of YOU!. I am BLESSED. I am HUMBLED and I am THANKFUL for all the SUPPORT. PLEASE continue praying. I need your prayers. The worst thing that hurts is the stupid shot I have to have in my stomach every day - given by BUBBA! It HURT today!!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!! LOVE AND HUGS!!!
Monday, May 7, 2012
PUTTING LIFE INTO PERSPECTIVE....
On my bucket list of things to do BEFORE I DIE was to fly a kite again. Honestly I cannot remember the last time I was actually able to fly a kite and sustain it for any length of time. When our children were small we helped them fly kites. We had Simone, Lukas and Stella stay overnight last week so we purchased a few different kites and had a great time flying them. I love the feeling of hanging on to the kite and having it freely fly in the air! It was a GREAT adventure! I love feeling FREE!
Last week I was lucky enough to watch Little Miss Charlotte Mellor while her mama had her hair done. It was truly a joy to have all FOUR grandchildren there at the same time. Of course Charlotte slept the whole time but it won't be too long until she will be able to play with the rest of us! When Kelsi came to pick her up Simone asked if she could just feed her and leave her again so we could play with her! It was a great teaching moment educating the three of them as to what new babies REALLY do. I had them repeat the three steps to Kelsi. Babies simply - Eat, Sleep and POOP!!!
I had a phone call from a friend on Saturday May 5th. She had heard of my diagnosis and told me of her daughter who is 33 and has been in the hospital THREE WEEKS! Because she is so young the physicians had a hard time actually diagnosing what her problems were. The diagnosis came back last Wednesday as Stage III colon cancer! Heather is 33-years-old - has four small children and has been diagnosed with colon cancer. Kerm and I immediately went to the hospital to visit. While she was growing up I had been Heather's Young Women's leader at one point in time. It was wonderful to see her again and to spend a little time with her - sharing stories of OUR MUTUAL disease. It certainly puts life into perspective. I am 58 years-old. Heather is 33-years-old - the ages of my own children. It just goes to show that CANCER is a disease that affects people of all ages. Every person on this earth has struggles and problems. Please pray for Heather. I received a text from her this morning - still at the hospital with complications and she was headed back to surgery. Time spent there is now OVER three weeks. Bless her HEART!
Kerm and I were invited to a wedding at the Timpanogos Temple last Tuesday. Beautiful Chelsey married her handsome husband Philip! I was Chelsey's visiting teacher a few years ago. I was thankful to be invited and it was truly a spiritual experience for me that day. George Durrant was the sealer and he gave some wonderful advice. Everyone has PROBLEMS. All people have different experiences in life that helps with the growth that happens while we are on this earth. He advised everyone in that room to pray for STRENGTH. STRENGTH to overcome the trials and tribulations that will certainly come upon us. That again puts life into perspective. It is too late for me to pray NOT to have cancer. I already have it. My prayer is for STRENGTH to overcome that disease and go through the surgeries that will help me be CANCER-FREE! Thank you for inviting me that day Chelsey - It was a BEAUTIFUL day!
I have had a great few weeks. It has been a time of healing from chemo and radiation and trying to regain my strength before surgery. I have been able to accomplish the things I wanted to get done before surgery. I did FLY A KITE! We have been on our bicycle built for two every day. I have my garden ready to plant today. My yard is in shape - with the exception of the flowers I plant yearly. I will wait until I get out of the hospital so I don't have to depend on others to water them for me. Kerm and I spent a weekend in Las Vegas at the Wynn Hotel and were privileged to see Garth Brooks. What a great EXPERIENCE! If you have a chance to see him - do it. It is a GREAT SHOW! We did not shop - we did not even get to the pool. I slept a lot and we watched movies in the room. It was great to be away and get the rest I needed without having to worry about things to be done at home! I was actually EXHAUSTED!
My surgery is scheduled for FRIDAY MAY 11th. I will be HONEST. I am SCARED - scared of the unknown. I have no clue what to expect and that is my fear. I have GREAT FAITH however, and I know I will be fine. I finished all the ironing today - joking with Kerm that if I don't come back - at least I got his shirts ironed! I LOVE ironing and I know that is crazy! I would ask you ALL to please pray for me. Pray for me this week and especially Friday morning. The surgery will take at least EIGHT hours! Please pray for Dr. Sklow and the people who will be working with him. I WANT TO LIVE! I have so much more to accomplish on this EARTH and I am praying to be given that chance! I want to be CANCER-FREE and I want to be able to HELP OTHERS! That is my desire - to spend my days exhausted in the service to others.
I love my FAMILY! I love my FRIENDS. I am SO THANKFUL for the many BLESSINGS that I have experienced during this time. The last few months have been a time of great strife in our lives! I have asked just a couple of times WHY? The answer is WHY NOT? I know there is a lot of growth in STRIFE - but GOSH - ENOUGH ALREADY! The BLESSINGS have far outweighed any STRIFE and we are so THANKFUL!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:
To awaken each morning with a Smile Brightening my Face;
To approach My work with a Clean Mind,
To hold ever before me the Ultimate Purpose toward which I am Working;
To meet men and women with Laughter on my lips and Love in my Heart;
To be Gentle, Kind and Courteous through all the Hours;
To approach the Night with weariness that ever woos Sleep and the joy that comes from work well done,
THIS is How I Desire to Waste Wisely My Days.....
LOVE AND HUGS TO EVERYONE! I AM BLESSED!
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