QUIET REFLECTION....

My heart is full tonight! Tomorrow I will turn 60!! That sounds so OLD... However - I am so incredibly GRATEFUL... Grateful to be alive! Grateful for the OPPORTUNITY to celebrate another year on this earth! Grateful for my BLESSINGS! I am just plain GRATEFUL!

I remember while growing up how old 60 sounded. Well I am here and I would like to believe what THEY say... 60 is the new 40! I actually don't even feel 40... Maybe 18 1/2!! I have to throw in the 1/2 because of my journey during the past year and a HALF!

I have reflected tonight on my life! I am grateful for all my blessings. Grateful for the many things I have been able to accomplish in my 60 years. My greatest accomplishment thus far would definitely be my marriage of almost 38 years to a GREAT man.... and the opportunity we have had of raising FOUR great, successful people! We are expecting our 5th grandchild very soon and we are overjoyed!

I am GRATEFUL for the opportunities that have come my way and for the incredible experiences and growth I have enjoyed. I look forward to many more great experiences. I have great dreams and aspirations and I KNOW I have much left to accomplish!

I am GRATEFUL to a Loving Heavenly Father who has seen fit to allow me more years after my battle with colon cancer! This is a HUGE Blessing! I daily experience side effects from my treatment which actually is a GREAT reminder of my mortality. My heart is GRATEFUL!

I am THANKFUL for the SMALL things. Kerm and I ride almost nightly on our bicycle built for two! I am grateful for energy and strength. I am grateful for the sights, sounds and smells that I enjoy along the route we take. I marvel nightly at the beautiful sunsets, the cool canyon breeze and the smell of summer rain and lovely flowers. Tonight there was a beautiful double rainbow.... It was fading by the time I snapped the picture but it was beautiful!

Thank YOU! Thank you to all my family and friends! I am thankful for YOU and your continued support!!
I am here for ALL of you... To help or assist in any way I can!

My heart is FULL!!

A BEAUTIFUL WEEKEND......

It has been exactly one month since I posted last.  The time has passed so quickly and I am truly THANKFUL for every single minute I have to enjoy this LIFE!!!!

I had an appointment on March 19th with Dr. Bott, my oncologist.  All lab work and examinations were PERFECTLY normal!   I am grateful for that.  I am scheduled for a high resolution lung scan on Wednesday April 10th without contrast.   Thursday April 11th I will have my other scans WITH contrast.   I have unwavering FAITH!   I ask for YOUR faith in my behalf as I approach this week and go through my scans.

I am truly GRATEFUL for the SPRING!   I was very sick last year as spring came and went....  I basically lost the whole year going through two rounds of chemo and radiation and two surgeries.  I was so thankful for each moment I was able to spend outside.  Already this spring I have been out working several times in my yard and it is JOYFUL to see the yard shaping up earlier than normal.  Spring brings new life in the yard and it makes my heart HAPPY!  My strength and more importantly my SPUNK is BACK!!!   Yay for that - I mean who is Bobby without  her SPUNK???

My daughter Kamie turned 35 on March 20th - the first day of Spring.  She has ALWAYS been happy and cheerful and SPRINGY!  She had earlier announced the arrival of her FIRST child which will happen early in September.  We are GRATEFUL and THANKFUL for her and for this new little BOY who will join our family.  I CANNOT wait! 

Our little Charlotte turned ONE on April 3rd.  How GRATEFUL we are for her.  She is an independent little soul - walked at 9 months, swims and is starting to talk!  She is such a RAY of SUNSHINE and exudes such a sweet sweet spirit.   I LOVE her to pieces.

Simone, Lukas and Stella will turn 10, 8 and 5 this year!  They are over often to spend the night with us and ALWAYS bring such HAPPINESS and JOY!  We have begun our little baseball games in the back yard.  Their  liveliness, curiousity and willingness to learn new STUFF make our home a GREAT place to be!  

Our grandchildren are ALL little spirits who exude LIGHT, LOVELINESS and HAPPINESS.  They are TRULY the reason I fought so hard... AND CONTINUE to FIGHT!  I LOVE them more than I EVER dreamed possible.  They are PRECIOUS to me.  I find myself worrying about them just as I worried about my own.  I long to hear their voices and feel their little HUGS!  It is a WONDERFUL thing!

My new LITTLE business is doing very well.  The days pass by quickly and the time goes before I really want it to!  Last year I was secretly HOPING the time away until I got well.  This year is different.  I want to ENJOY every single minute and I promise you - I do NOT take TIME for granted.  The blessings of LIFE itself are GREAT and I am happy to be on this earth HELPING OTHERS which brings TRUE fulfillment!  I want to spend my days serving and helping anyone who needs my help.

I am truly BLESSED and I know that.  I am looking at life so incredibly differently than I ever have....   I meet each day with a renewed HOPE and an acute awareness of EVERYTHING around me.  I know we are NOT alone in our journey on this earth.  I know there are MANY ANGELS - here and beyond who are ever aware of our circumstances and our needs!   Please know I am here for anyone who needs encouragement of any kind.  I am here to HELP!

My husband is a stellar example of everything GOOD.   I look to him for strength and wisdom which he continually provides!  I am so THANKFUL for him!  I am THANKFUL for a LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER who knows ME - and YOU!   He KNOWS ALL!   I am THANKFUL for HIS unwavering BLESSINGS and I testify that ALL things come from HIM!  I am THANKFUL for the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.  Without the HOPE and JOY that it brings to my life and the lives of those around me - I do not know where we would be!  I THANK YOU for your continued prayers in my behalf and in behalf of my family!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: 
"FOUR Things to Learn in Life: 
1)  To Think Clearly Without Hurry or Confusion....
2)  To LOVE Everybody Sincerely...
3)  To Act in Everything with the Highest Motives....
4) To TRUST GOD Unhestitatingly..."

And Finally - If Your Troubles are Deep-Seated or Long-Standing....
Try KNEELING.

GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!!  Please pray for me this week.  I WELCOME your prayers and faith in my behalf.  Love and Many HUGS!!!

THANKFUL....

I have been asked how I am doing by so many people.  I figured it was time to update my blog!  It has been over a month.  As far as I am concerned, no news is GREAT news.  I am feeling TERRIFIC.  I am SO THANKFUL.  We ALL have so much to be grateful for. 

This week has brought that realization a lot closer!  I have been involved, as have several of my classmates from Provo High, in a great cause of helping another one of our classmates in a hard situation.  It has felt so GREAT to help and be needed and to be able to be in charge of getting things done.  Ha!  That is what I do BEST!  I am so incredibly grateful for FEELING like doing STUFF and for being in a great spot!  As I was able to help I was reminded time and time again as to how SPOILED a lot of us are!   It is a great feeling to step outside of one's self and offer aid to others.  It is what this earth life is ALL about - mourning with those who mourn and bearing the burdens of one another.  Such great principles! 

I am feeling well.  I basically lost a WHOLE YEAR and with the Spring coming I am so HAPPY to be able to get outside a little and to start the clean up of my yard.  I LOVE yardwork and cannot wait to start MOWING the lawn!  

We have been informed we are expecting our FIFTH grandchild!  I think it is a HE!  I have been right 4/4 times so I THINK I am right again.  Time will tell but we are so THANKFUL!  I hope my daughter Kamie won't be too upset that we shared a little bit of news.  We are simply THRILLED!

I have started a new little business.  It has kept me busy and doesn't take much away from my other business.  It is a way to help people earn a little extra and there is NO selling of STUFF.  I could NEVER be involved in a business where you have to sell STUFF.  This is simple, easy and can be done simply by internet - WORLDWIDE. 

My husband ALWAYS supports me in the things I do and I am FOREVER GRATEFUL for his love and support.   This picture was taken after our fourth and last child.  At that time his hair was turning gray already - I think he was 29.  At least he still has a FULL head of hair!  That was basically the longest I have EVER had my hair.  The chemo thinned my hair quite a bit - I didn't lost it but it was YUCKY!  It is now coming in CURLY!  I tried again recently to grow it out - but after seeing Charlize Theron at the Oscars - I got out my scissors and have to think my hair looks a LITTLE like hers...... HA!

I want to keep this brief with just a little update.  All is well.   I am BLESSED.  I will have scans again the first part of April.  I will ask for your prayers at that time.  I BELIEVE in the power of prayer and my health is a direct result of many many prayers.   THANK YOU to all who have inquired and who continue to ask concerning my Health.  I am GRATEFUL!  Again, we ALL have SO MUCH to be grateful for.  Count your BLESSINGS each and every day.  I think you will be AMAZED at the things you have to be grateful for.  I am again THANKFUL for ANGELS - on this side and the other side of the veil who STILL operate in my behalf.  I am so APPRECIATIVE!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  This is a PERFECT thought.....

"Happiness is NOT the Absence of Conflict - but the ABILITY to Deal with it".....  We all have conflicts and stuggles and depending on how we deal with those very conflicts, is directly related to our HAPPINESS!

God Bless Us Everyone!  Love and Hugs to ALL!!

FEELING VERY GRATEFUL...

I am VERY VERY GRATEFUL!  I am back to 100% of normal and so far this year has been AMAZING!  I am THANKFUL for family, friends and GOOD HEALTH!   2012 was a LONG, HARD Year!  As I look back - and I don't like to do that very often, I wonder how I got through each day!  I think of what I went through and honestly cannot believe that it was ME that underwent those treatments for that AWFUL disease! 

As I was on the table getting radiated for six weeks, I would think of things and places that make me HAPPY!  I would NOT allow myself to ever feel sorry for myself.  Studies show that feeling sorry is NOT a healthy way of living.   I made the decision early on to be happy every day and indeed - it IS a DAILY CHOICE!.  It is up to all of us to make that choice.   Many days during that six weeks I would lay there and count my BLESSINGS.  I would say out loud all the things that I was THANKFUL for.  The sessions were about a half hour and I NEVER once ran out of things to say!!  I am going to do that again today - because I have NOT done that out loud since my radiation days!  Indeed - we ALL have so much to be THANKFUL for and I REFUSE to dwell on ANYTHING NEGATIVE - it is NOT healthy!  

 I am healthy at this time and I want to stay that way!

I ran into a DEAR FRIEND Saturday evening who I actually worked for years ago.  He hired my company to do his medical transcription and I loved every minute of working with him.  He is a GREAT physician and told me he is suffering from pancreatic cancer.  We shed tears there Saturday evening in the vegetable aisle at Harmons on 8th North in Orem.  He is such a great man! He told me he is preparing to GO HOME which was so hard to hear!  We talked for a half hour there by the vegetables and spoke of tender things.  I will support him as long as he is on this earth! 

In Relief Society yesterday Linda Christensen gave an AMAZING lesson on REGRETS vs RESOLUTIONS.   When I was diagnosed with cancer and realized that I was faced with a potentially terminal disease, I made the decision to make sure I resolved any regrets!  There are some regrets I will never get back but I realize it is also not healthy to worry about that.  Yesterday is gone and I choose to live for TODAY!  I choose to be healthy and happy and live my life with no regrets.  I rarely speak with my children or grandchildren without expressing my LOVE for them.  My husband NEVER leaves the house without both of us professing our love for one another.  That is one regret I will never have because I tell him of my love several times a day.  I had two major regrets in my life that I worked on resolving in the fall of 2012.  It is so healing and extremely cleansing to LET GO of any regrets we may carry around.  Regrets are like a suitcase full of rocks.  AWFUL baggage that people tend to carry around.  Imagine having to carry that around all day long - all week long.  If you have ANY regrets - let go of them.  It is so incredibly refreshing and you will truly feel so much better.  Regrets are NOT healthy!  

 Resolutions on the other hand are full of HOPE.  I have such great HOPE and I resolve each day to make the most of what comes my way!  I am so incredibly THANKFUL to have more days on this earth - days to make my resolutions HAPPEN.  I express my GRATITUDE each and every day and it feels TERRIFIC!

When my oldest son left for two years to serve an LDS Mission to England - a dear friend gave me a GRATITUDE brick.  I LOVE that brick and make sure each day as I see it that I ALWAYS express my gratitude.  I was grateful he made the decision to go.  He played college football and made a decision early in his life that he was not going to serve a mission - rather he decided to work hard to make it to the NFL  He played his first two years at the University of Hawaii.  After two years he decided to transfer and spent a season at Dixie Jr. College.  He was then recruited to Cal Berkeley.  His desire was to play in the NFL.  At age 22 - at the start of his Jr. season as starting noseguard in the Pac-10 at that time, he called me one day a week before the beginning of the season and told me he felt the NEED to serve a mission. I thought it was a joke!  At the age of 19 when most young men leave to serve he had made the decision NOT to go! As parents we didn't force the issue because with that particular child - it would have been FUTILE!  We were grateful he decided to serve.  He will tell you that leaving Berkeley was the hardest thing he has done - but serving a two year mission was the MOST REWARDING thing he has ever done.  GRATITUDE.

Kerm and I took off our yellow LIVESTRONG bracelets a couple of weeks ago.  We had continued wearing them in support of our friends .  Each time I looked at it  - I was reminded of what  I had been through.  Rather than dwelling on that each and every day - we chose to take them off - to get RID of any AWFUL memories.  It was so REFRESHING and SUCH a cleansing feeling.  Yay - At this time I am 100% cancer-free.  I am healthy, I have lost a lot of weight and for the first time in my life - I can eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I want.  That is seriously about the ONLY Perk of having colon cancer.  I am healthy and I am strong and I have huge plans and desires to fulfill in helping others. 

I have started a new little business that is growing like WILDFIRE.  I am THANKFUL - I am EXCITED and have HOPE - a WONDERFUL thing!

A BIG THANK YOU to everyone who has helped me in any way - who has offered prayers in my behalf, dropped off treats, notes or letters in the mail.  I express my GRATITUDE!  I will have scans again in March and have every reason to believe that all is well.  Those will happen every few months for a few years and eventually they will decrease in frequency.  I look forward to that day with HOPE!  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:   I have done this thought before but it is so appropriate at the beginning of this GREAT new year!

"HOPE.....  That Bubbling Ingredient in Life Which is Like Carbonation in a Drink; Giving it Zest, Keeping it in Motion, Always pushing it up.....

FILLED WITH GRATITUDE!!  Love and Hugs to ALL!!  God Bless us EVERYONE!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR.......

HAPPY NEW YEAR....

I so SO EXCITED for the NEW YEAR and for NEW BEGINNINGS!   I am THANKFUL to be here to celebrate with FAMILY and FRIENDS!  I am THANKFUL to have survived 2012 after two rounds of chemo, radiation and two surgeries.  I feel like I have conquered like a CHAMP and I am ready to start anew in a lot of aspects of my life.

We had a WONDERFUL Holiday Season.  We had our Christmas Party the 22nd of December - My daughter Kamie and her husband Mike flew in from Dayton, Ohio on the 21st and stayed for a week.  Kelsi and her husband John left the 23rd for Mexico for a week - taking CHARLOTTE with them!!  Our party was at Kelsi and John's home in Lehi and it was wonderful.  All four of our grandchildren were there and had a great time playing with each other!  Simone is 9, Lukas 7, Stella 4 and Charlotte is 9 months tomorrow.  These babies are such a JOY in my life - focusing on them and being here for their futures - helped my fight in my battle with cancer - the day-to-day AWFUL AWFUL parts!  These babies are truly LIGHTS in my life and I am GRATEFUL!!

We were happy to welcome in the NEW YEAR!  We recalled the events of the past year with laughing, smiles and many tears.  How grateful to be here to celebrate and to look forward to MANY MORE!   2012 was the most trying year we have spent in the 37 we have been together.  We are truly looking forward to this new year of 2013 with many hopes, dreams and chances to CATCH UP!!

I was visited by a friend a week or so before Christmas.  She stayed for almost two hours and we talked about MANY things.  She asked me what the most important thing I would say I learned through my experiences of the past year.  One of the things I learned is that we are NOT ALONE!  We are not alone in our journey here on this earth life!  There are MANY people looking out for us - working hard in our behalf - both on this earth and beyond the veil.  I have felt their presence and I could NEVER deny my experiences.  I am GRATEFUL!

We went to the mall on Saturday the 29th.  I had not been to the mall in over a year.  I was like a little kid in a candy store.  I was so amazed that we hadn't been there and Kerm had to remind me that I couldln't even walk to the door, let alone make it back and forth down the hallways!  My cancer year seems like a bad dream and I cannot even believe it truly happened to me!  It is like having a baby!  Most people do it over and over again - FORGETTING the bad parts and being thankful for the greatness!  For awhile there, after my second round of chemo and my second surgery my hair was a little thinner and my eyelashes were almost all gone!  They are back as long as ever now and my hair is back to normal. I can truly say that I am 100%!  I will be eternally GRATEFUL for more time on this earth to spend doing the things I want and need to do!

I am ready to start back in my ACN Business.  ACN was a great endeavor, not only for me but for my entire family.  It was a business that I truly excelled at and I am looking starting back up and working HARD!   ACN was the reason we were able to build our beautiful cabin at Sundance.  I cannot wait to get involved and help others reach their dreams and aspirations!  It is truly fulfilling to me and I cannot wait! 

I am THANKFUL for my FAMILY.  I am THANKFUL for my FRIENDS and for those new friends who have been so incredibly supportive to me this past year.  I honestly do not think I would have been able to make it through as well as I did without the love and support from NUMEROUS people!  A BIG THANK YOU to all of YOU - All who have helped or encouraged me in any way - the notes, the cards, the food, or simply just the kind thoughts!

I am going to continue to update my blog and keep focused with positive thoughts, helping others along the way.  I can truly say I  am EXCITED for the first time in a LONG TIME!  I am looking forward to living life to the fullest!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: 

"And He will raise you up on eagle's wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of His Hand".  

I can honestly say to you that I have been held in the palm of His hand!  I have felt His presence and that of those beyond the veil.  I have been ministered to by ANGELS - on this earth and from beyond!  I am filled with GRATITUDE!  We are NOT ALONE!

GOD BLESS US EVERYONE - LOVE AND HUGS

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY........

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO KERM TODAY!!  37 WONDERFUL years!  I can hardly believe it has been that long - the first 36 years seemed to FLY by - the last year has been PAINFULLY slow but there is still so much to be GRATEFUL for!
I am so THANKFUL today for my husband - Kerm Jackson, aka BUBBA!  I truly consider myself very BLESSED to be his wife and I also feel BLESSED that he is my husband.  He is a GREAT man - and has been an AMAZING husband.  There really are not words to express how I feel about him other than to say I truly love him!  He is a patient, kind and loving man.  He has truly supported me in all my endeavors and has encouraged me to FLY!  And fly I have!  I am so thankful for the loving support and tender loving care he has rendered in my behalf!

Tonight we will go to dinner and to an EARLY showing of Les Mis which is scheduled to come out Christmas Day!  I truly LOVE the story and I am excited for tonight - the movie starts at 9 pm!  This morning bright and early came the ring at the door with my beautiful flowers!  December 19th was such a magical day to get married - right before Christmas and I LOVE the day!  My wedding bouquet had pine boughs with red roses and red carnations and Karen J Florals made the bouquet today just as beautiful!  If you are ever in need of a truly AMAZING lady to do your florals - let me know and I will get you connected with her.  She does BEAUTIFUl work!!

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of tests and doctor visits and more test.  I had a pulmonary function test at Timpanogos Hospital last week with a High Resolution CT scan of my lungs at the Imaging Center at Central Utah Clinic.  I found out results yesterday and today.  I saw the pulmonologist yesterday - I have nodules in my lungs - and with the symptoms I have had the last six weeks it makes sense that it is the sarcoidosis.  That being said, because I HAD cancer - it makes them concerned for what possibly could be there.  I saw Dr. Bott my oncologist today.  Both physicians feel that the explanation of the nodules in the lungs is the diagnosis of sarcoidosis - especially since I had it before.  They cannot rule out cancer but that would be a second explanation.  Dr. Bott felt, with a fair amount of certainty, that the first explanation is in fact the correct one.  I have had scarring in my lungs for 29 years - I don't think  there is anything that has changed!    However, it is not clearly definitive - I have to see him again in three months and get new CT scans in four months and see the pulmonlogist.  I am praying hard that there will be no change and that I can just continue to live my life and get on with it.  I have FAITH and I feel that  ALL IS WELL.  I feel GREAT!   My blood counts are up today - I am no longer anemic.  I had a colonoscopy two weeks ago - the first since my cancer diagnosis November 30, 2011.  ALL WAS WELL and I don't have to do THAT again for two years.

So with this news I am truly GRATEFUL for TODAY!  I am GRATEFUL for my time on this EARTH!  I feel blessed to be here and to have the strength and energy as I did before any diagnoses!   I am going to live my life to the FULLEST and aid and help others in any way I can!  I have so much left to do on this earth and I am GRATEFUL for TIME to be able to do those things I find necessary and helpful.

Today I spent a few hours at Freedom Academy where grandchildren Simone and Lukas go to school.  I helped in Lukas' class to help make snow globes and I played the piano for the Christmas Carols.  How THANKFUL I am for my talents - for my ENERGY and for the fact that I can help in the classrooms once again as I did when my children were younger!  It was a WONDERFUL experience.  How I LOVE my grandchildren.  Simone, Lukas, Stella and Charlotte!  We are truly BLESSED.  They are BEAUTIFUL spirits and have so much to offer.  I am so GRATEFUL!

I am THANKFUL to be at the end of this year - So THANKFUL for my current health and the return of my energy!  It has been a long year but I have learned so much.  I will talk about some of the things I have learned in my next blog.  I am THANKFUL for energy to SHOP!!  It was almost ONE FULL YEAR with no shopping because I simply did not have the ENERGY or even the desire to go out and shop.  Now I dress up and feel like the ME of OLD and I just cannot begin to express the GRATITUDE!  Who would think that a little thing like SHOPPING would make such a difference???

Please continue to pray for me and my family.  We pray nightly for those who pray for us.  There is so much for ALL of us to be GRATEFUL for.  There are so MANY who need our prayers!  I love that we can ALL bear the burdens of one another and that we can help those in need.  ]

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  There is a scripture in Philippians in the Bible that in short says this:

"Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to GOD.  And the peace of GOD, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ". 

So THANKFUL for my SAVIOR and the ability to present requests to GOD and for the answers and blessings I receive DAILY!

GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!   LOVE AND HUGS!!!!!!!!!

RESULTS...

I have had a very frustrating couple of weeks.. I am writing this today simply because so many of my friends are asking WHAT is going on!

 I started November 10th with LUMPS in my hips/thighs. These have spread to my ankles - arms, etc.  I have been to see several physicians.  I had a biopsy taken of one of the nodes on November 15th.  I was told my results would be back the 19-20th but that was not TRUE!   Results did not come back until Monday the 26th.  It confirmed what the dermatologist had suggested - that I had ERYTHEMA NODOSUM.

ERYTHEMA NODOSUM is an infectious/inflammatory process that usually manifests itself in the legs.  It usually is the alarm the body gives off saying there is some sort of process going on inside the body.  I saw a different dermatologist on Tuesday morning the 27th.  He was not willing to call this process SARCOIDOSIS - which was the first initial thinking.  I had blood work drawn that morning - they took about 6-7 vials.   CT scans were scheduled for Wednesday the 28th.  I drank a quart of contrast Tuesday evening and another quart before I got to imaging yesterday at 11 am.   Once I was there I was given an IV to accommodate the contrast they injected while I was in the scanning room.

Scans were taken basically of my entire torso.  Lungs, liver, spleen, aorta, kidneys, etc.  I received results of most of the blood work yesterday.  Most everything was normal but the sed-rate was very high which means - there is an infectious process going on inside my body!  NO KIDDING!!!

I called down this morning as I was told the results of the scans would be in the SYSTEM within 24 hours.  I was told the results - most all the scans are clear.  There are TWO lesions in my right lung.  The radiologist listed it as "metastatic lung cancer" but what you need to know is this - He DOES NOT KNOW that I have a process going on in my body.  Sarcoidosis also shows up looking the very same.  So I was referred immediately to the pulmonologist (lung doctor) at 2 pm this afternoon.  He read through all the results - saw my LEGS which are definitely red and LUMPY!  It looks like I have HUGE red bruises all over my legs - so on and so forth!  He is not willing to call it sarcoidosis.  He DOES NOT like contrast on the CT scans.  He was not willing to call it cancer.  When I was finished Dr. Bott called me who had been monitoring the visit with the pulmonologist.  Dr. Bott is the cancer specialist who has been following me.  He was watching as the notes were written by the pulmonologist.  He told me he wished he could tell me I was perfect but he cannot.  He said he felt however, as though I would be around in 20 years.  That was good news but ALL was way too much for me and I cried and cried.

This is the deal.  Needless to say - my colonoscopy was once again cancelled for tomorrow.  YAY - I need to get that now on the 6th of December.  On the 10th I  will have full pulmonary function tests.  On the 13th I will have a HIGH RESOLUTION CT SCAN once again - with NO CONTRAST of my lungs.  This pulmonologist did not like the contrast!  Everything looks white and he could not give a definitive diagnosis.  I will see the pulmonologist once again on the 18th and hopefully it will be clearly definitive.  This is what I need and this is what I am praying for.

I was able to read what the radiologist said - which immediately made me cry!  Dr. Bott says it is way too soon to have metastatic lung cancer.  With the infectious process going on it is a wait and see game. 

I am thinking positively.  Despite taking many different immune boosters, some recommended by lots of my friends, my immune system is STILLhighly compromised.  I am anemic - I though I had rebounded from that but NO - I am still really anemic so I will take supplements for that.  I have been very tired but I get up - get ready WITH my makeup every day, and I don't take NAPS!  I keep going and going until it is time for bed. 

I WANT TO BE NORMAL which makes me laugh out loud as I even write that because I AM NOT NORMAL!!  I don't even know what NORMAL is but I have always NOT BEEN NORMAL!  I don't even KNOW if there is NORMAL!  I just want to be well - healthy and move on with my life.  This is holding me up  - just for a LITTLE WHILE.  My friend Pres. Kenison said it is a small BUMP IN THE ROAD - If only he could SEE my bumps  HA HA  - I believe this to be true.  I can overcome this - I refuse to believe I have lung cancer and I am thiniking positively.  I  know positive thinking is HEALTHY.  I WANT TO BE  HEALTHY!  I have tried to get rid of any negative at all in my life.  I don't want to hang on to anything negative.  ALL positive for me!

So my friends - this is where I am tonight.  AND instead of clear liquids today Bubba is taking me to dinner tonight.  I NEED to get out and I am THANKFUL to be OUTTA HERE TONIGHT!!!

I would ask for continued prayers.  I need them.  I will also tell you this.  Yesterday as I laid on the table getting my CT scans - I had tears streaming down my face.  I felt very ALONE while lying there but I had a strong feeling that I was NOT ALONE!  That was the reason for my tears.   I KNOW I am being watched over.  Not just by ANGELS on this earth - but by ANGELS on the other side of the veil.  I KNOW IT - I FEEL IT and I TESTIFY OF IT!

I am GRATEFUL for so many things.  I am NOT excited about my path for the next few weeks - BUT I ALSO HAVE FAITH - I do not believe there is ANYONE who has more FAITH THAN I DO!  I also have lots of HOPE.  Today I felt that I had been knocked down but I am back up already.  You get knocked down and you keep getting back up again and again and again.  I am BACK UP!!  All six feet of me!!!  My SPIRIT will NOT  be crushed! 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  Those who have known a problem first hand are usually better able to help others walking through the same difficulty!  I am HERE for anyone who needs me.  I have tried to be positive and help those who are going through some of the same things I am.  I VOW to do that for the rest of my days.

"BRAVE YOUR STORM WITH FIRM ENDEAVOR
   LET YOUR VAIN REPININGS GO!
HOPEFUL HEARTS WILL FIND FOREVER
  ROSES UNDERNEATH THE SNOW"

Please continue to pray for me and my family.  We pray daily for those who pray for us.    LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL  - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!