Today I head to the oncologist for treatment #5/8. I am going to have a long talk before I accept the treatment today. I AM worn out. I have had Every side effect that I could possibly have. I am concerned that there may be permanent effects!!
I have been telling the doctor that I had a urinary tract infection. Saturday August 4th I had terrible pain and Kerm nearly took me to the ER. I spoke with the doctor at about 10:30 that night. They always react as though I am CRAZY! I am TOUGH and I can handle A LOT but seriously -for once just believe me. I have never been a WHINER! I know my own body!! You can see a picture of just some of my medications. One counteracts another. It's ridiculous!!! There are more in my top bathroom drawer!!!! I HATE pills!!
Last Monday morning I went for a test. Was I surprised when it came back positive??! NO! I've had the infection just smoldering away since I came out of the hospital in May!! They started me on an antibiotic and by Thursday I was no better so I was given a new antibiotic. As of today MAYBE just MAYBE slight improvement. I have had a constant yeast infection. I mean enough is enough!!
There comes a point in time where enough may just be enough. I have done hours and hours of research. I am getting very tired if this. Trust me. I know many many people undergo chemotherapy and some seem to sail through it. I know many suffer immensely!! The radiation in Jan-Feb-March nearly killed me I handled the chemotherapy though. This time around it is far worse. So today I am going to take control of my situation and decisions will be made in just an hour or two!! If some of these side effects are permanent then I'm done. I can't live this way!! I've been told that a lot of times the cure is worse than the disease. I believe the cancer was gone at surgery. I know there are protocols but there is also OVERKILL!!
When I get ready in the mornings I do my hair and makeup. I have been seeing brown hairs in the sink. Last week my immediate thought was that "Bubba must be losing his hair". Too bad His hair is WHITE!! The hair is mine and yes it is thinning. It shocked me at first but I don't care about my hair. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being worst, it's a NOTHING. I just want to be done with treatment, have my surgery and get back to being ME!
It is a different ME! I am never going to be the same Bobby Jo Jackson. I have learned so much. I have been served by many ANGELS and for that I am eternally BLESSED and GRATEFUL. I will spend the rest of my life in the service of others. I have stayed positive and have tried to help others. I can tell you this is really HARD but a huge learning experience!!!
I am thankful for SUPPORT. I am thankful for prayers in my behalf. I can honestly say I feel them. I am BLESSED. I have an amazing husband. Through the years I have thought many times about how LUCKY I have been. I only knew him six weeks before we were engaged! Married just four months after that. He is not a man of many words. He is a man of genuine integrity, intelligence and GOODNESS!! He has truly been by my side through 37 years of marriage and raising four FIERCELY in dependent children! He has been an amazing provider, husband and father. A GREAT example to many many people I am so THANKFUL for him and his unwavering support! He has always encouraged me to succeed and has literally been the wind beneath my wings!!
I am truly thankful for my children and grandchildren. They are such shining lights in my life. I love them more than words could ever express!! I count my BLESSINGS every day. I hope they are learning through this experience. I would hope this trial and suffering has not been in vain!!
Please continue to pray for me and my family. We need your prayers. We will return the favor any time! I would also ask you to pray for my friend Marjorie who I had spoken about many times. Her husband has asked that we pray for her to leave this earth life peacefully. She is in her last days on this earth. She has been a HUGE mentor for me and I love her dearly. Her life of service is one that should be emulated by all!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Therefore Do Not Lose Heart. Though Outwardly we are Wasting Away, yet inwardly we are Being Renewed Day by Day. For Our Light and Momentary Troubles are Achieving for Us An Eternal Glory That Far Outweighs Them All. So We Fix Our Eyes Not on What is Seen, but on What is Unseen. For What is Seen is Temporary But What is Unseen is ETERNAL".
GOD BLESS US EVERYONE! Love and Hugs
Bobby we are praying for you and your family. We think of you often. Thanks for keeping us updated on your blog. You really are amazing.
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Jeremy, Brittany Frischknecht& boys
Bobby you are an incredible and remarkable woman. I love you and Kerm deeply and everything you say about him is very true. I can sympathise and empathise with you completely. I watched Sharon go through a similar and very serious illness, as you are well aware. I put your name in the temple every week when I work there. I will do so again tomorrow. I don't have all the answers and I do have many questions but I know that you are a one-in-a-million woman and that the Lord will be with you Kerm. You & Kerm are ever in my thoughts and in my prayers and I am also praying for Brother and Sister Horan. May the Lord be with and sustain us all. May you be upheld and sustained by his Holy Spirit. Deepest love!
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