I went to the doctor yesterday.- and they tell me I am a SICK GIRL! HELLO - no kidding! To be honest, I went for my appointment at 10 am with Dr. Bott to tell him I was going to be through with chemo because of the side effects I have that are NOT going away. When you first go in they take your blood through the port in the chest. They were ACTUALLY able to access it yesterday. I attribute this to PRAYERS in my behalf! I last had chemo July 30th which went on for three days. The pump was taken off Wednesday August 1st - so it has been three weeks. Last week they delayed treatment #5 because of my side effects which are still side effects! I had made my decision to be finished simply because I do not want this to be permanent. AND I know they say it is just a minute in time - go for the long term but there has to be a QUALITY of living! Every possible side effect that I have read about - I have had with this treatment. I did much better in the spring with the chemo and radiation with the exception of the severe burning.
My discussion with Dr. Bott was lengthy. My friend Marjorie passed away last Thursday and yesterday at 11 am was her funeral which I was dressed for and ready to attend. I didn't make it and it made me sad. I sat by her bedside last Tuesday and basically said my final goodbyes. I told her I loved her and she was able to voice that in return.
After going back and forth with Bubba involved in the conversation I asked Dr. Bott to look at the results of my blood work. Last week the counts were low but good enough for more treatment. So without having had chemo for three weeks - he was SHOCKED. He said my counts had fallen to the TOILET! Meaning - they are extremely low. Last week my white blood count was 3.34 with normal being 4.5 - 11..0. They are concerned about the absolute neutrophils specifically also. I mean all the counts are low but last week the absolute neutrophils were 2.21 normal being 2.2 - 4.8. So basically just low. Yesterday my white blood count had dropped to 1.80. The absolutely neutrophils had dropped to .63. When the doctor saw that he said "You are a Sick Girl". Even if you consented today we cannot give you treatment. I had no idea the counts had dropped so low. I have been tired but I have pushed myself because if you don't push yourself through this you might as well lay down and die. Well GOSH - I guess I am CLOSE!
He advised staying away from PEOPLE!!! I LOVE people! They also advised a MASK!! Well I am at home, I can walk around the block, I can walk in the yard and at least water the FEW plants I planted this year. I did get some tomatos in and some squash and pumpkins before my surgery. The garden is FULL of weeds but who cares? Next year will be different - At least I am hoping and praying for a GREAT next year!
My decision is made. Because my body is so sensitive to the treatment, perhaps I received enough in four treatments that most people get with eight. I am finished. My goal now is to get stronger because four weeks after the last chemo technically I could have surgery to reverse everything and be back to normal. With counts like that - there is NO WAY. I have to boost my immune system. I have had SEVERAL people give me some thoughts and ideas and I welcome ALL. My friends Craig and Nancy have given me some information which I am going to try. My cousin's son Wyatt gave some information that could be helpful. I am open and willing for ALL discussions.. I NEED and WANT to be better. The chemotherapy has been very detrimental and I was willing to give it a shot because I want to be Cancer-free. I feel deep down inside that that has happened. I also knew deep down inside that I HAD it! That is a story for another day.
So I will try to take it easy. I still get up and get dressed with make up on because I feel lazy if I don't. I am USED to working hard. It is the HARDEST thing NOT to be able to do that. There are certain things that I can do with a little rest in between and I just need to get STRONGER. The lights of my life are my children and GRANDCHILDREN!! HOW I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. I NEED to be here for them and that is my goal. We took Simone, Lukas and Stella to Church with us Sunday. They are simply delightful and brilliant and beautiful. We then were invited to Kelsi's for dinner and my only regreat is NOT taking a picture of Charlotte with the other three. I will have to get that picture.
I am THANKFUL for another day on Earth. I have work enough to do till the sun goes down!! Each and every day. I feel BLESSED. I guess I am sick. Besides being a little tired I thought I was OK. I will work HARD to get back to my OLD self - of course the NEW OLD SELF!
I could not do this without the support that I have received. I am THANKFUL for ALL of you who offer comments - who pray for me - who do acts of service for me. That is MY goal - I still serve each and every day. Just not like I am used to doing. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue to pray for me and my family. WE need it. Again - I return that favor by praying each and every day for all those praying for ME!! I BELIEVE in Prayers. I BELIEVE in Angels and I know I am being watched over and taken care of. THANK YOU.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Our DUTY is NOT to see THROUGH One Another - But to See One Another THROUGH". Thank you for helping to carry MY burden. I need you ALL! I am here for anyone who needs help with their own burdens.
Once again I say - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!! Love and Hugs!!!
Keep on keeping on, you are worth it!
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