ALMOST A YEAR.....

I have not updated my blog for over a month!  I have taken the time I need to heal - both physically and mentally and I have had many many occasions to ponder my last year!  October was very good to me for which I am truly THANKFUL!!

I have healed almost completely and feel as if I am back to nearly 100%!  I was doing fine until Friday when I started feeling pain on both sides of my hips at the top of the femur.  I felt as though I had bruises on both sides.  Sunday evening I began feeling all sorts of BUMPS on the back of my legs - mainly above the knee.  These are red and sore nodules and I had Kerm circle the ones I had Sunday evening - the count?   26 nodes!!!  Not GOOD!   I saw Dr. Bott yesterday and he does not know what they are.  He has referred me to a surgeon to biopsy these nodes to see just what they are.  Last night they were more painful and there were MORE!  I have some on my lower legs now!  We will get to the bottom of these and hopefully I  will continue on my path to being completely healed!

As I said earlier, I have had a lot of time to reflect on the past year! I canoot begin to say how GRATEFUL I am for those people who supported and who continue to support me. 

I will be perfectly honest.  At the beginning of this EXPERIENCE, if you will, I had NO EXPECTATIONS!   I really did not expect anything from anyone.  It became discouraging however when I realized I did need huge amounts of support!  A few friends who I thought would be supportive through thick and thin - who I thought I could depend on no matter what - were NOT there for me. There were COUNTLESS others who stepped up and WERE there for me for which I am so thankful!! Those same friends who were not there for me, on a regular basis, remind me of how busy and important they are!  I feel extremely sorry for these people.  I am so THANKFUL for my own knowledge of being here on this earth to aid others.  That has been the story of my life!!  The bottom line here is that I don't care who you are - NO ONE is that busy or important!! I could NOT depend on those folks during the very most DIFFICULT year of my life, a time when I needed huge amounts of support and it was simply not there for me.  Like I said, I try not to judge as that is not my job.    HOWEVER - and this is a BIG however, I did realize who I COULD count on and I stayed focused on  those people and being POSITIVE because that is HEALTHY!!!! I needed to be positive in order to get better!!!

I promised I would be HONEST and you just got a dose of my HONESTY!!

Thursday I will have a colonoscopy and I'll be honest again!!! I am not exited. It brings back memories that I would rather just forget. That means today is my last eating day until after the colonoscopy. My choice for dinner will be Red Lobster. Tomorrow is a clear liquid day and then in the afternoon I have to drink that NASTY stuff AGAIN!!! Ugh!!

The one PERK if you will, of colon cancer -  and the surgery involved has been a 25 pound weight loss. TRUST ME - This is NOT something you  would ever want!   However, I  can eat whatever I want - and I will not ever gain weight again!  I am truly GRATEFUL to be alive and I am truly looking forward to this Holiday Season!  Last year was a BUMMER!! Literally!!

On December 14th I will have the six month scans of my liver, lungs and abdomen. I PRAY that those scans will be clear!  I cannot wait to truly enjoy the rest of the year with peace of mind!!

I have enjoyed the presence of my grandchildren. I LOVE them to the moon and back. It is such a tremendous joy to have them in our home! Simone, Lukas, Stella and Charlotte! The TRUE Lights in my life!! They are beautiful, loving and very smart!! They are growing into WONDERFUL human beings!  I  am thankful to Kami and Kelsi for letting us enjoy their children!!

During the last week I have basically redone our home! I have gone through EVERYTHING! I have cleaned out closets and drawers. I have moved furniture around and incorporated new. My house feels brand new and I am excited to have a brand new year and move on with my life!!!

Thank you to my supporters! Thank you for the prayers in my behalf and in behalf of my family! I still need those prayers. Thank you for the visits and the encouragement!! I am GRATEFUL! I have SO MUCH to be THANKFUL for this year!! It is very humbling!! Most of all THANK YOU to my husband. It brings me to tears to think about the support he has been to me!! Unbelievable!!!  I have learned SO MUCH!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  One of my favorite sayings ....
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other"

"When your nights are filled with loneliness and your days are dark with discouragement - when you can't seem to read or pray or to do anything else - just sit still..  and let GOD love you". 

Thank you AGAIN for thoughts and prayers....  Love and Hugs!