MY CHARITY

"Count Your Many Blessings Angels will Attend, Help and Comfort Give you Until Your Journey's End"

I was diagnosed with Stage IV colorectal cancer in November of 2011.  My previous blog posts outline my journey with this horrible disease.  A disease I would wish upon NO ONE!  I had metastatic tumors in my right lung and behind my tailbone.  I was very lucky to have no liver involvement.  I have been so blessed.  My journey is a MIRACLE!   This past Friday I looked at the survival statistics for Stage IV colorectal cancer.  There is an 11% five year survival rate.  I am at six years.  At this time I am CANCER-FREE.  You can trust me when I say I have "paid the price".  I have endured numerous chemo and radiation treatments  and a new treatment last December that literally saved my life!!!!.  I suffer each day from the effects of the disease and the treatments.  BUT------ I AM ALIVE!!  I am so GRATEFUL to be alive and compared to being dead my daily problems are NOTHING!   I have learned to cope with everything that has come my direction.

In 2012 I started BOBBY JO's BLESSINGS.   This is a nonprofit organization aimed at HELPING others.  My prayer on a DAILY BASIS is that I can be an instrument in GOD's HANDS to help others.  I have not been cancer free until the last PET scans I had on October 2,2017.  I am READY to get the nonprofit up and running to be a help for others facing similar challenges and difficult financial trials.  I have had small donations in the past few years which have immediately gone to help those in need.

At this time I have partnered with an amazing company - FLASH WIRELESS!  This is a cell phone company - I can give you further details if you message me.   FLASH wireless is an MVNO.  Similar to Boost Mobile - Straight Talk, etc.  FLASH uses the very same lines as Sprint, Verizon and T-mobile.  In fact - if you become a customer - your phone will still say the name of the carrier you are currently with.   The ONLY difference will be to whom you pay your bill.  It will be to FLASH.   You keep your same phone number and 99.9% of the time the same phone.  No one wants to mess with that!  With SPRINT customers - which my husband and I WERE, nothing changes.  The only difference is we are saving about $40.00 per month with FLASH - SAME SPRINT lines - bill paid to FLASH for $40.00 less a month.  Some people may only save a couple of dollars and may think it isn't worth it.  It IS!  You will be HELPING OTHERS!!! With Sprint you are able to use the same SIM cards.  With Verizon or T-mobile we get a new SIM card for you - the cost of that SIM card is $3.00.  Once the SIM card is changed you are with FLASH.  It is that seamless.

FLASH WIRELESS is amazing.  EVERY SINGLE TIME a customer pays their monthly bill - FLASH donates a MEAL to a hungry child within the area code of that customer.  This company is  all about HELPING OTHERS.   Your cell phone carrier DOES NOT feed a child in your own area code on a monthly basis.  In fact - they don't feed kids at ALL!!  And..... who do you know at that company???   You know ME!  .There is also a referral program.  You do not have to refer anyone if you don't want to.  You can just be a customer and save a little money and feed a child once a month.  BUT - if you want to refer 5 other customers - your bill is now FREE.   Who offers a FREE bill for a referral program???   No one!   That is what I am all about -  I love being a partner with such a WONDERFUL company!  I love being able to contribute to this amazing service. Let me help you with this.  Please contact me for any and ALL questions!   Send a text to 801-372-9180.  Or you can email me at bobbyjojackson5@gmail.com

Another program we are involved with and have helped others with their expensive health care insurance, is CHM. When I was first diagnosed with cancer we had HORRIBLE insurance.  I will not go into that at this time but TRUST me!   We had HUGE medical bills.  I KNOW how it feels to be in this situation.  I am helping others have a little peace of mind.  We eventually were able to get on the CHM  (CHRISTIAN HEALTH MINISTRIES) insurance.  This is a shared insurance plan.  They have paid 100% of my medical bills.  Where we used to pay $600.00 a month and a HUGE deductible for the HORRIBLE insurance, we now pay $300.00 with a $500 deductible.  If you are interested in looking into this - again private message me so I can give you facts about this WONDERFUL GIFT!! 

If you have any interest in looking into either of these programs please contact me.  If you don't know anyone at any of your current carriers - come with ME!  You know me and you will be HELPING others and SAVING a little money on your phone bill.  It is a WIN/WIN for everyone.  It is a seamless transition.

I love this quote from MOTHER TERESA:   "I see Jesus in every human being.  I say to myself, this is hungry Jesus.  I must feed Him.  This is Sick Jesus.  This one has leprosy or gangrene:  I must wash and tend to him.  I serve them because is LOVE Jesus"

Remind me, Lord that to get nearer to YOU, I must care about others.  Please help me see YOU when I look at those in need, and give me the desire to be a servant in Your strength.

GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!   LOVE AND HUGS!

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES

For a LONG TIME I have felt the need to write again!   I am so grateful for LIFE!   For the OPPORTUNITY I have to still be on this earth!!

November 30th will mark SIX years since my diagnosis of STAGE IV colorectal cancer.  That day I had a routine colonoscopy where cancer was found.  I was sent immediately to the imaging center where a CT scan showed "it" had spread to my right lung with a tumor behind my tailbone - Thus the diagnosis of Stage IV cancer.  I had Lung surgery in November of 2013 to remove one of the tumors in my right lung. 

My other posts detail those experiences - experiences that have changed my LIFE!   The night before I started chemotherapy/radiation I told my husband that life as "I knew it" would never be the same.  I am grateful for the struggles that have been HUGE character building experiences.  My life has NOT been the same.  Oh how grateful I am for what I have!   If you look at the statistics - which I just did for the FIRST TIME today - you will see that stage IV colorectal cancer patients have only an 11% -5 year survival rate.  I am basically at SIX YEARS!!   This journey has definitely been HARD.  I have done LOTS of HARD things!  I have FOUGHT hard to LIVE!  There is not ONE DAY that goes by without physical reminders of treatments.  I CHOOSE LIFE!!!  Now without being flippant, I am deeply humbled by those that I love dearly who have passed on because of this TERRIBLE disease!!  I think of them daily and I am a better person because of their bravery!  I want to honor their lives by helping others!

I had PET scans again this past Monday at the Huntsman Cancer Center in Salt Lake City with a doctors appointment yesterday to find out the results.  We took a small vacation for several days last week - a bucket list drive down the California coastline with the top down on the convertible!  It was breathtaking!  It was a great time and helped take my mind off what was coming up.  I have felt pretty confident about where I am with my health and my physical abilities.   When I entered the doctors office my blood pressure spiked and I felt my heart beating very rapidly!   GOSH!!  I had tried to be so calm!!

The doctor, Dr. Brandon Barney, the son of my first cousin, came in and said "YOU ARE GREAT -  I told you those tumors would be gone"!!!!!  Dr. Barney did a treatment last December - STEREOTACTIC RADIOTHERAPY.  The tumor behind my tailbone was deemed inoperable because of where it was.  They told me that since  I could not be cured, it would be fruitless to operate on my right lung again.  This new treatment was a chance at SOMETHING.  A HOPE that the tumors could be BLASTED away!  

My tumors are gone!   For the first time in SIX YEARS I am deemed NED!!!  NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE!!!   Friends - there have been so many tender mercies along my path.  So many situations where I have taken a path that was not exactly like it "should have" been.  I feel that I have been guided and directed to the path for ME!!  I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL for the inspiration and guidance on this path! 

I have MUCH to give and to OFFER other people.  I have referred MANY people to Dr. Barney who has helped many of them.  I will CONTINUE to be a huge ADVOCATE for those who need ANY type of help.  I am so incredibly HUMBLED!  So GRATEFUL!

This week I reviewed where I am and what it is that I want to ACCOMPLISH with the time I have left on this earth!   I PRAY daily that I can be an instrument in GOD's hands to help others.  I am working hard on my CHARITY -   BOBBY JO'S BLESSINGS.  I am going to work hard on this so I can HELP others.  You too can help me to help others!    I will post tomorrow and show you how you can help me without any financial donation on your part.  It is simple and easy.

"To awaken each morning with a smile brightening my face, to approach my work with a clean mind; to hold ever before me, the Ultimate Purpose toward which I am working; to meet men and women with laughter on my lips and love in my heart; to be gentle, kind and courteous through all the hours; to approach the night with weariness that ever woos sleep and the joy that comes from work well done- THIS is how I desire to waste wisely my days"

Love and Hugs to ALL - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!! 
 

QUIET REFLECTIONS OF GRATITUDE

Today is my FIVE year anniversary!   Wednesday November 30, 2011 I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer during a routine colonoscopy.   Trust me when I say -A colonoscopy can save your life!  On that day five years ago they took me right from the surgical center across the road to the radiology department for CT scans.  It was pretty routine except for two spots that showed up in my right lung.  Because I had had a previous lung disease (sarcoidosis), it was hard to determine whether these spots were scar tissue from that previous disease years before or whether they were new metastases from the colon cancer.  In January of 2012 I started 30 chemotherapy and radiation treatments.  Those ended in March.  I was able to recuperate until May when I underwent surgery to remove a part of my colon at the Huntsman Hospital in Salt Lake City.  I was given an ileostomy which I had during the summer of 2012.  On the last day of August of that year I was once again at the Huntsman Hospital to have everything reconnected.  That was a HUGE blessing.  There is not a day that goes by that I do not suffer from the effects of all this havoc wreaked on my body!  But I am TRULY GRATEFUL for LIFE.  To LIVE!  I pray to make a DIFFERENCE!!

For the past five years I have been  monitored with CT scans and one PET scan in November of 2013.  At that time in 2013  the PET scan  showed that one of the lung nodules had grown to 1 cm.  I was scheduled for lung surgery to remove that one tumor - which was a  metastases from the colorectal cancer.  The other spot took the whole five years to get to 1 cm.  I had scans in October of this year that showed the other nodule had grown to the 1 cm size.  It was determined it would be removed surgically again and I was scheduled for surgery TODAY - November 30, 2016 - my 5 year anniversary day at the Huntsman Hospital once again in SLC.  For the past three weeks I have undergone every test basically known to man!!!  Cardiac evaluations - breathing tests - scans - you name it.  The last thing on the list before the scheduled surgery today was the PET scan.  That was accomplished at the Huntsman Hospital Tuesday November 22nd - a week ago - right before THANKSGIVING.  With a PET scan you are injected with glucose and then you remain quiet for 90 minutes.  The glucose will STICK to any cancer that is in your body.   I had not heard the results so on Wednesday I asked my oncologist, Dr. Bott (he is in Provo) to check on the results.  He called me that evening.  The news was not as good as I had hoped it would be.  We of course knew about the spot in the lung - which once removed you are cured until another one grows - but there aren't any more.  We did not know there was a new spot right behind my tailbone.  UGH!  Not the news I was hoping to hear.  Not the best - but certainly NOT the worst!

That Wednesday evening as I was deep in THANKSGIVING day preparations, Dr. Bott told me he did not think I should continue with the lung surgery that was scheduled for today - and that he had taken the liberty to contact a Dr. Brandon Barney who is a radiation oncology specialist here in Provo at the Huntsman/Intermountain Clinic.  He told me to call Dr. Barney's office to schedule an appointment.  Here is where another tender mercy occured.  You can trust me when I say this whole 5 year experience has been FULL of tender mercies!  Dr. Brandon Barney is the son of my first cousin - Cindy!  Her mom and my dad are brother and sister.  Dr. Barney truly has my best interest in any of the decisions that are made.  He has studied extensively at the MAYO Clinic in Minnesota.  He is very specialized in the treatment that he does.

I made an appointment with Dr. Barney for this morning - the morning I was scheduled to have surgery - but needed to make sure this was what the doctors thought was best.  Dr. Barney had a conversation with my lung doctor at the Huntsman Hospital on Monday of this week.  They determined that Dr. Barney would treat me at this time.  So Monday evening the schedule fell into place.  Tuesday surgery plans were cancelled

Now to Tuesday evening.  My brother-in-law Dr. Lee Bahr is a radiologist.  He called me from Chicago last night - not knowing before he spoke to my sister, that surgery had been cancelled and I was going to go with Dr. Barney.  Yesterday in Chicago at the Radiology Conference, he listened to 17 papers on different ways to treat tumors  - all over the body.  There are techniques that are available that were not available probably even 5 years ago.  He said I thought of you, Bobby, when I heard some of these papers.  You do not have to go through with surgery.  I told him of my visit that would happen this morning.

I met with Dr Barney. He uses different techniques that will ZAP not only the tumor in my lung - but also behind my tailbone.  He said he would have me all treated and completed the week before Christmas.  This was such great news to me.  No open lung surgery!!   These new techniques can treat just the same - but without the trauma of surgery.

I am GRATEFUL.  I do NOT know why my life continues to be spared.  You can trust me when I say I do NOT take one day for granted.  These six babies are my WHY! Simone, Lukas, Stella, Charlotte, Zigmund and Johnny.  I did not know that I could love them as dearly as I do.  They are my everything!  Along with my 4 children and of course my WONDERFUL husband.  I would not know what to do without him.  I love him dearly!  He does Christ-like acts of service for so many in quiet, unassuming ways.  He is  a GREAT man!   I love my nieces and nephews and my siblings every bit as much.  They are DEAR to me and I am grateful for them.  I hope to always help them in any way that is needed!

I KNOW that my work on this earth is not complete.  I have had dear friends and family members - diagnosed after me - who are no longer with us.  They are some of the BEST people I have ever met.  I love them dearly.  All I can say is that their work must have been completed on this earth.  There are no whys or wherefores.  I believe that when your time is up - you are finished.  I have been the recipient of such CHRIST LIKE love and SERVICE.  I have reciprocated that love and service to others.  There is not one day that goes that I don't pray hard to be an instrument in God's hands.  To help others and lift them up and TRULY be there for them!  I am truly GRATEFUL.   If you have cancer and   you do not know about some of these new treatments - please contact me.  People who have full skeletal metastases can be treated.  I am here for anyone who needs a helping hand.  I try to be of service every day of my life.  I am GRATEFUL.  I will have to go through the treatments and I am anxious and happy to do so.  I will endure those treatments well and I will be grateful when they are complete.  For now I am ALIVE!  I am so GRATEFUL to be here!  To continue to complete my work on the earth!

If you are struggling in any way - please take a moment to COUNT your BLESSINGS.  If you truly do this you will see the HAND OF GOD in your life.  He is there!   Not always how you HOPE HE is but I can promise you - GOD is there for ALL of us!  Thank you for your prayers in my behalf.  I FEEL them.  GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!   LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL!!

FEELING GRATEFUL.......

It is the Eve of my Birthday!   I am GRATEFUL for the OPPORTUNITY I have to enjoy another Birthday and for the continued time I have on this Earth!  I am grateful for the People in my life who mean SO much to me!  I feel such immense JOY!   My Heart is so FULL I feel it could burst!  I am truly COUNTING MY BLESSINGS...

I am GRATEFUL for opportunities.  The little opportunities that present themselves in various ways.  The day to day opportunities and activities that make this life so interesting!  As I awake each morning I give THANKS for ALL my BLESSINGS!  The first THANKS of the Day is for simply AWAKENING!  I am grateful to be alive, to enjoy and experience.  I do NOT take one day for granted.  I am acutely aware of my own mortality and I want to live each day to the fullest.  I pray each day to be an INSTRUMENT in God's hands to HELP others along this journey we call LIFE!  To be there for family and friends who need HELP. Please know I am HERE.  I am HERE to HELP!

This is a short post.  I felt the NEED to express my THANKS for my LIFE!  For being able to live and just BE!

I am working hard on BOBBY JO'S BLESSINGS.  This nonprofit is the vehicle I have been able to use to help some and I hope to be able to help many.  I am going to  be posting regularly.  My HOPE is that you too may be inspired to help others along their way!

So on the Eve of my BIRTH -  Remember to Count YOUR Blessings!   Here's to ALL of us!  GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!
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IT'S A HAPPY DAY....HAPPY ANNIVERSARY....

I just received these beautiful flowers delivered to my front door.  Today is our 38th Wedding Anniversary.  Happy Happy Anniversary to the LOVE of my life - BUBBA!

I think back 38 years ago today and all the planning and running to and fro before the BIG EVENT!  It was a magical time - Right before Christmas!  There were last minute things to do - not to mention the sandwiches for the reception.  It was discovered that those had NOT been ordered.  Rather than telling my mom and having her stress more - Kerm and I decided we would make them ourselves.  BAD IDEA! It was the end of the semester at BYU.  Kerm was studying engineering and had several HARD final exams.  I remember going to the bakery to buy bread dough - I bought the stuff for the insides of the sandwiches and at about 10 pm on the night of December 18th we started that long arduous process!  We were missing one very important piece of equipment!   We could not find a rolling pin.  We implemented with a 2 liter bottle filled with water.  We made HUNDREDS of little sandwiches - all through the night.  I ASSURED my mother that we were doing something BIG.  She was none too thrilled with me spending the night before I got married at Kerm's house!  At 7:30 in the morning we were finishing up and he had to leave to take the last final of the semester.  We were to be at the Provo Temple at 1:30.  We had NOT gone to get our marriage license YET!  Those are some great memories -  And that is how we started our married life!  There has never been a DULL moment in our household.  It was been the absolute BEST ride and I am filled with THANKS!  I am thankful for a LOVING husband who has supported me through thick and thin.  He gently urged me to find my purpose and has supported me quietly by simply being the WIND beneath my WINGS - LITERALLY!  I love him to the moon and back - FOREVER!

I am filled with THANKS that I get more time with this man!  The last few months have been such a whirlwind and I am just GRATEFUL to be able to take a little time and write my thoughts.

I had lung surgery November 18th at the Huntsman Cancer Hospital in Salt Lake City.  They removed the little 1 cm mass that was in my right lung.  This was major surgery and I was taken immediately to the Intensive Care Unit.  The lesion proved to be a metastases - it had been there since the day I was diagnosed.  The doctors were not sure what it was - just followed it.  It grew to the 1 cm size and they decided to get rid of it.  They took a large section of that lung and several lymph nodes around the site.  All margins and lymph nodes were completely free of cancer.  My oncologist says at this time I am cured.  I am GRATEFUL.  Of course we all know how that goes.  Something else could pop up.  I have a great deal of FAITH and HOPE and my gut feel is that I am fine and will be fine.  I have had several Priesthood Blessings that have given me HOPE and COMFORT.  I am grateful for those blessings.

My surgery was on a Monday.  They gave me a pain pump to use like usual.  I only pushed in 3-4 times the whole time I was there.  This is a very painful surgery - so they say.  They go in a couple of places through the ribs.  The next day on Tuesday morning they told me I would probably go home that day.  In the morning I told them they were CRAZY!   They pulled the chest tube out later that afternoon and I honestly felt GREAT!  We were discharged about 7 pm and came home.  Kerm stayed the whole time with me at the Hospital and planned to stay the rest of the week.  Wednesday morning I woke up and told him he could go to work.  I was fine.  I did not get dressed Wednesday but did some straightening and ironed his shirts.  Thursday I got dressed and cleaned the house and went shopping.  My doctors were AMAZED at my progress and  my lack of pain.  With all three surgeries that were cancer related my pain was very minimal.  I only took a couple of ibuprofen over the next week or two and really did not skip a beat!  This has been a HUGE blessing for which I am grateful.  I continue to be amazed and blessed by TENDER MERCIES!

I am THANKFUL for my life.  I am THANKFUL for the things I am able to accomplish and the support that I have been given and for each new day!  You can TRUST me when I say - I take NOTHING for granted.  I give THANKS so many times throughout the day and I am humbled.

THANK you for your love and SUPPORT.  I have had so much support and honestly - that is what we are here for.  To support one another and to bear the burdens of one another.  I am THANKFUL for your prayers!  I truly BELIEVE in the power of PRAYER!  I am THANKFUL for a loving HEAVENLY FATHER who hears and answers our prayers.  Not always in ways we expect but in ways that He knows we NEED!  My heart is full.

So Happy Anniversary to My GREAT HUSBAND.  The LOVE of my LIFE.  I am so THANKFUL to be here to celebrate this day with him!!  

Please continue to pray for me when you think about it.   My job is to help OTHERS and I am thankful to have the energy and strength to do that.  

THOUGHT: - "The Soul that Perpetually Overflows with Kindness and Sympathy will Always be Cheerful".

Love and BIG HUGS!     GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!  

IMMENSE GRATITUDE...

It has been a few months since I expressed my thoughts and feelings.  The last was on my birthday in July!  Since then we were blessed with a new grandson.  Zigmund Guacomo Snure - the son of our beautiful daughter  Kamie (picture) and her husband Mike Snure.  This is our 5th grandchild - 2nd grandson - Each are so special to us and we truly love them.  These babies are truly blessings in my life and I am so incredibly GRATEFUL!  Especially this time of the year when people are counting their blessings.

With that being said - I just returned home from Church today.  It is such a beautiful day here in Utah and the messages were on GRATITUDE!  Immediately following the first meeting I was approached by the Bishop of our Ward to come talk with him in his office.  He told me he had "sensed" that all was not well with me.  This was a humbling experience for me.  I had my scans in September.  At first we thought all was well.  For those of you who do not know - I was diagnosed with colorectal cancer in November of 2011 - basically two years ago!  I spent 2012 in two rounds of chemo and radiation with two surgeries and was proclaimed in remission.  I have my check ups every three months with scans every six months.  Since the day I was diagnosed there has been a spot in my right lung.  Last November and December I had a disease flare up that I had 30 years ago.  It is called sarcoidosis.  30 years ago it manifested itself in my lungs.  My lungs are permanently scarred but with that being said, I have never had any problems with any of my activities and things I have wanted to do.  Last November and December that disease flared up.  The spot that has been in my lung was still there.  The scans in September showed that it has grown some to 1 cm.  

Over the past six weeks I have met with two different lung doctors and now a thoracic surgeon.  The THING in my right lung is coming out.  I have not wanted to say anything because I do NOT want people to look at me as though I am SICK.  I just have a little thing I need out of my lung and I will be fine!  I feel amazingly well.   I am happy and I do not feel sick at all.  I will meet with a cardiologist on Thursday of this week.  With the lung surgery there is a remote chance of a heart attack.  They want to be sure my heart in in good shape and I will then go to have breathing tests - which I did last year at this time but they have to be done within six months.  Last year I passed with flying colors.  Surgery will be either Friday the 16th or Monday the 18th.  I am now making this public because after my Bishop approached me today and KNEW that something was going on with me - I feel it best to ask for YOUR prayers.  I feel the prayers of those who pray for me.  When I was sick last year I would go to sleep at night and smile because of the warmth and love I felt.  I know now that Heavenly Father indeed loves me.  He is aware of my needs and my problems because my Bishop had the perception today to question me.  I am humbled.

This is what I have learned.  We are NOT ALONE in this life.  There ARE Angels - on this side and the other side of the veil who are sent to HELP US!.  I felt that so strongly last year and I have felt their presence.  I can testify to YOU all that I KNOW and I have felt their presence.  I know they are looking after me.  I have felt the influence of my own dad on several occasions.  I KNOW he knows what I am going through.  I KNOW that there are MANY there for me.  THANK YOU to those of you on this side who have been and will continue to be here for me.  I NEED you all.  I NEED your prayers and faith in my behalf.  A couple of weeks ago as I was leaving for the Huntsman Hospital in SLC I asked for your prayers.  You didn't know what you were praying for but now you DO!  I felt your prayers and continue to feel them.  I KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that GOD LIVES!  That he knows EACH AND EVERYONE of us.  He knows our needs and our struggles and HE is there for us!  

I will continue to work for the behalf of others in helping and serving.  Thank you to ALL of you who have helped me serve others this past year.  It is unbelievably humbling!  Please pray for me and my family once again.  I need your love and support.  The surgery will tell whether this is the sarcoidosis, a metastases from the colorectal cancer or a NEW lung cancer altogether.  I will let you know as soon as I do.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  HOW BEAUTIFUL A DAY CAN BE WHEN KINDNESS TOUCHES IT!   Be Kind to EVERYONE - You just don't know what they are going through. 

GOD BLESS US EVERYONE  ----   LOVE AND HUGS!!!

QUIET REFLECTION....

My heart is full tonight! Tomorrow I will turn 60!! That sounds so OLD... However - I am so incredibly GRATEFUL... Grateful to be alive! Grateful for the OPPORTUNITY to celebrate another year on this earth! Grateful for my BLESSINGS! I am just plain GRATEFUL!

I remember while growing up how old 60 sounded. Well I am here and I would like to believe what THEY say... 60 is the new 40! I actually don't even feel 40... Maybe 18 1/2!! I have to throw in the 1/2 because of my journey during the past year and a HALF!

I have reflected tonight on my life! I am grateful for all my blessings. Grateful for the many things I have been able to accomplish in my 60 years. My greatest accomplishment thus far would definitely be my marriage of almost 38 years to a GREAT man.... and the opportunity we have had of raising FOUR great, successful people! We are expecting our 5th grandchild very soon and we are overjoyed!

I am GRATEFUL for the opportunities that have come my way and for the incredible experiences and growth I have enjoyed. I look forward to many more great experiences. I have great dreams and aspirations and I KNOW I have much left to accomplish!

I am GRATEFUL to a Loving Heavenly Father who has seen fit to allow me more years after my battle with colon cancer! This is a HUGE Blessing! I daily experience side effects from my treatment which actually is a GREAT reminder of my mortality. My heart is GRATEFUL!

I am THANKFUL for the SMALL things. Kerm and I ride almost nightly on our bicycle built for two! I am grateful for energy and strength. I am grateful for the sights, sounds and smells that I enjoy along the route we take. I marvel nightly at the beautiful sunsets, the cool canyon breeze and the smell of summer rain and lovely flowers. Tonight there was a beautiful double rainbow.... It was fading by the time I snapped the picture but it was beautiful!

Thank YOU! Thank you to all my family and friends! I am thankful for YOU and your continued support!!
I am here for ALL of you... To help or assist in any way I can!

My heart is FULL!!

A BEAUTIFUL WEEKEND......

It has been exactly one month since I posted last.  The time has passed so quickly and I am truly THANKFUL for every single minute I have to enjoy this LIFE!!!!

I had an appointment on March 19th with Dr. Bott, my oncologist.  All lab work and examinations were PERFECTLY normal!   I am grateful for that.  I am scheduled for a high resolution lung scan on Wednesday April 10th without contrast.   Thursday April 11th I will have my other scans WITH contrast.   I have unwavering FAITH!   I ask for YOUR faith in my behalf as I approach this week and go through my scans.

I am truly GRATEFUL for the SPRING!   I was very sick last year as spring came and went....  I basically lost the whole year going through two rounds of chemo and radiation and two surgeries.  I was so thankful for each moment I was able to spend outside.  Already this spring I have been out working several times in my yard and it is JOYFUL to see the yard shaping up earlier than normal.  Spring brings new life in the yard and it makes my heart HAPPY!  My strength and more importantly my SPUNK is BACK!!!   Yay for that - I mean who is Bobby without  her SPUNK???

My daughter Kamie turned 35 on March 20th - the first day of Spring.  She has ALWAYS been happy and cheerful and SPRINGY!  She had earlier announced the arrival of her FIRST child which will happen early in September.  We are GRATEFUL and THANKFUL for her and for this new little BOY who will join our family.  I CANNOT wait! 

Our little Charlotte turned ONE on April 3rd.  How GRATEFUL we are for her.  She is an independent little soul - walked at 9 months, swims and is starting to talk!  She is such a RAY of SUNSHINE and exudes such a sweet sweet spirit.   I LOVE her to pieces.

Simone, Lukas and Stella will turn 10, 8 and 5 this year!  They are over often to spend the night with us and ALWAYS bring such HAPPINESS and JOY!  We have begun our little baseball games in the back yard.  Their  liveliness, curiousity and willingness to learn new STUFF make our home a GREAT place to be!  

Our grandchildren are ALL little spirits who exude LIGHT, LOVELINESS and HAPPINESS.  They are TRULY the reason I fought so hard... AND CONTINUE to FIGHT!  I LOVE them more than I EVER dreamed possible.  They are PRECIOUS to me.  I find myself worrying about them just as I worried about my own.  I long to hear their voices and feel their little HUGS!  It is a WONDERFUL thing!

My new LITTLE business is doing very well.  The days pass by quickly and the time goes before I really want it to!  Last year I was secretly HOPING the time away until I got well.  This year is different.  I want to ENJOY every single minute and I promise you - I do NOT take TIME for granted.  The blessings of LIFE itself are GREAT and I am happy to be on this earth HELPING OTHERS which brings TRUE fulfillment!  I want to spend my days serving and helping anyone who needs my help.

I am truly BLESSED and I know that.  I am looking at life so incredibly differently than I ever have....   I meet each day with a renewed HOPE and an acute awareness of EVERYTHING around me.  I know we are NOT alone in our journey on this earth.  I know there are MANY ANGELS - here and beyond who are ever aware of our circumstances and our needs!   Please know I am here for anyone who needs encouragement of any kind.  I am here to HELP!

My husband is a stellar example of everything GOOD.   I look to him for strength and wisdom which he continually provides!  I am so THANKFUL for him!  I am THANKFUL for a LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER who knows ME - and YOU!   He KNOWS ALL!   I am THANKFUL for HIS unwavering BLESSINGS and I testify that ALL things come from HIM!  I am THANKFUL for the Gospel of Jesus Christ in my life.  Without the HOPE and JOY that it brings to my life and the lives of those around me - I do not know where we would be!  I THANK YOU for your continued prayers in my behalf and in behalf of my family!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: 
"FOUR Things to Learn in Life: 
1)  To Think Clearly Without Hurry or Confusion....
2)  To LOVE Everybody Sincerely...
3)  To Act in Everything with the Highest Motives....
4) To TRUST GOD Unhestitatingly..."

And Finally - If Your Troubles are Deep-Seated or Long-Standing....
Try KNEELING.

GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!!  Please pray for me this week.  I WELCOME your prayers and faith in my behalf.  Love and Many HUGS!!!

THANKFUL....

I have been asked how I am doing by so many people.  I figured it was time to update my blog!  It has been over a month.  As far as I am concerned, no news is GREAT news.  I am feeling TERRIFIC.  I am SO THANKFUL.  We ALL have so much to be grateful for. 

This week has brought that realization a lot closer!  I have been involved, as have several of my classmates from Provo High, in a great cause of helping another one of our classmates in a hard situation.  It has felt so GREAT to help and be needed and to be able to be in charge of getting things done.  Ha!  That is what I do BEST!  I am so incredibly grateful for FEELING like doing STUFF and for being in a great spot!  As I was able to help I was reminded time and time again as to how SPOILED a lot of us are!   It is a great feeling to step outside of one's self and offer aid to others.  It is what this earth life is ALL about - mourning with those who mourn and bearing the burdens of one another.  Such great principles! 

I am feeling well.  I basically lost a WHOLE YEAR and with the Spring coming I am so HAPPY to be able to get outside a little and to start the clean up of my yard.  I LOVE yardwork and cannot wait to start MOWING the lawn!  

We have been informed we are expecting our FIFTH grandchild!  I think it is a HE!  I have been right 4/4 times so I THINK I am right again.  Time will tell but we are so THANKFUL!  I hope my daughter Kamie won't be too upset that we shared a little bit of news.  We are simply THRILLED!

I have started a new little business.  It has kept me busy and doesn't take much away from my other business.  It is a way to help people earn a little extra and there is NO selling of STUFF.  I could NEVER be involved in a business where you have to sell STUFF.  This is simple, easy and can be done simply by internet - WORLDWIDE. 

My husband ALWAYS supports me in the things I do and I am FOREVER GRATEFUL for his love and support.   This picture was taken after our fourth and last child.  At that time his hair was turning gray already - I think he was 29.  At least he still has a FULL head of hair!  That was basically the longest I have EVER had my hair.  The chemo thinned my hair quite a bit - I didn't lost it but it was YUCKY!  It is now coming in CURLY!  I tried again recently to grow it out - but after seeing Charlize Theron at the Oscars - I got out my scissors and have to think my hair looks a LITTLE like hers...... HA!

I want to keep this brief with just a little update.  All is well.   I am BLESSED.  I will have scans again the first part of April.  I will ask for your prayers at that time.  I BELIEVE in the power of prayer and my health is a direct result of many many prayers.   THANK YOU to all who have inquired and who continue to ask concerning my Health.  I am GRATEFUL!  Again, we ALL have SO MUCH to be grateful for.  Count your BLESSINGS each and every day.  I think you will be AMAZED at the things you have to be grateful for.  I am again THANKFUL for ANGELS - on this side and the other side of the veil who STILL operate in my behalf.  I am so APPRECIATIVE!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  This is a PERFECT thought.....

"Happiness is NOT the Absence of Conflict - but the ABILITY to Deal with it".....  We all have conflicts and stuggles and depending on how we deal with those very conflicts, is directly related to our HAPPINESS!

God Bless Us Everyone!  Love and Hugs to ALL!!

FEELING VERY GRATEFUL...

I am VERY VERY GRATEFUL!  I am back to 100% of normal and so far this year has been AMAZING!  I am THANKFUL for family, friends and GOOD HEALTH!   2012 was a LONG, HARD Year!  As I look back - and I don't like to do that very often, I wonder how I got through each day!  I think of what I went through and honestly cannot believe that it was ME that underwent those treatments for that AWFUL disease! 

As I was on the table getting radiated for six weeks, I would think of things and places that make me HAPPY!  I would NOT allow myself to ever feel sorry for myself.  Studies show that feeling sorry is NOT a healthy way of living.   I made the decision early on to be happy every day and indeed - it IS a DAILY CHOICE!.  It is up to all of us to make that choice.   Many days during that six weeks I would lay there and count my BLESSINGS.  I would say out loud all the things that I was THANKFUL for.  The sessions were about a half hour and I NEVER once ran out of things to say!!  I am going to do that again today - because I have NOT done that out loud since my radiation days!  Indeed - we ALL have so much to be THANKFUL for and I REFUSE to dwell on ANYTHING NEGATIVE - it is NOT healthy!  

 I am healthy at this time and I want to stay that way!

I ran into a DEAR FRIEND Saturday evening who I actually worked for years ago.  He hired my company to do his medical transcription and I loved every minute of working with him.  He is a GREAT physician and told me he is suffering from pancreatic cancer.  We shed tears there Saturday evening in the vegetable aisle at Harmons on 8th North in Orem.  He is such a great man! He told me he is preparing to GO HOME which was so hard to hear!  We talked for a half hour there by the vegetables and spoke of tender things.  I will support him as long as he is on this earth! 

In Relief Society yesterday Linda Christensen gave an AMAZING lesson on REGRETS vs RESOLUTIONS.   When I was diagnosed with cancer and realized that I was faced with a potentially terminal disease, I made the decision to make sure I resolved any regrets!  There are some regrets I will never get back but I realize it is also not healthy to worry about that.  Yesterday is gone and I choose to live for TODAY!  I choose to be healthy and happy and live my life with no regrets.  I rarely speak with my children or grandchildren without expressing my LOVE for them.  My husband NEVER leaves the house without both of us professing our love for one another.  That is one regret I will never have because I tell him of my love several times a day.  I had two major regrets in my life that I worked on resolving in the fall of 2012.  It is so healing and extremely cleansing to LET GO of any regrets we may carry around.  Regrets are like a suitcase full of rocks.  AWFUL baggage that people tend to carry around.  Imagine having to carry that around all day long - all week long.  If you have ANY regrets - let go of them.  It is so incredibly refreshing and you will truly feel so much better.  Regrets are NOT healthy!  

 Resolutions on the other hand are full of HOPE.  I have such great HOPE and I resolve each day to make the most of what comes my way!  I am so incredibly THANKFUL to have more days on this earth - days to make my resolutions HAPPEN.  I express my GRATITUDE each and every day and it feels TERRIFIC!

When my oldest son left for two years to serve an LDS Mission to England - a dear friend gave me a GRATITUDE brick.  I LOVE that brick and make sure each day as I see it that I ALWAYS express my gratitude.  I was grateful he made the decision to go.  He played college football and made a decision early in his life that he was not going to serve a mission - rather he decided to work hard to make it to the NFL  He played his first two years at the University of Hawaii.  After two years he decided to transfer and spent a season at Dixie Jr. College.  He was then recruited to Cal Berkeley.  His desire was to play in the NFL.  At age 22 - at the start of his Jr. season as starting noseguard in the Pac-10 at that time, he called me one day a week before the beginning of the season and told me he felt the NEED to serve a mission. I thought it was a joke!  At the age of 19 when most young men leave to serve he had made the decision NOT to go! As parents we didn't force the issue because with that particular child - it would have been FUTILE!  We were grateful he decided to serve.  He will tell you that leaving Berkeley was the hardest thing he has done - but serving a two year mission was the MOST REWARDING thing he has ever done.  GRATITUDE.

Kerm and I took off our yellow LIVESTRONG bracelets a couple of weeks ago.  We had continued wearing them in support of our friends .  Each time I looked at it  - I was reminded of what  I had been through.  Rather than dwelling on that each and every day - we chose to take them off - to get RID of any AWFUL memories.  It was so REFRESHING and SUCH a cleansing feeling.  Yay - At this time I am 100% cancer-free.  I am healthy, I have lost a lot of weight and for the first time in my life - I can eat ANYTHING and EVERYTHING I want.  That is seriously about the ONLY Perk of having colon cancer.  I am healthy and I am strong and I have huge plans and desires to fulfill in helping others. 

I have started a new little business that is growing like WILDFIRE.  I am THANKFUL - I am EXCITED and have HOPE - a WONDERFUL thing!

A BIG THANK YOU to everyone who has helped me in any way - who has offered prayers in my behalf, dropped off treats, notes or letters in the mail.  I express my GRATITUDE!  I will have scans again in March and have every reason to believe that all is well.  Those will happen every few months for a few years and eventually they will decrease in frequency.  I look forward to that day with HOPE!  THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:   I have done this thought before but it is so appropriate at the beginning of this GREAT new year!

"HOPE.....  That Bubbling Ingredient in Life Which is Like Carbonation in a Drink; Giving it Zest, Keeping it in Motion, Always pushing it up.....

FILLED WITH GRATITUDE!!  Love and Hugs to ALL!!  God Bless us EVERYONE!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR.......

HAPPY NEW YEAR....

I so SO EXCITED for the NEW YEAR and for NEW BEGINNINGS!   I am THANKFUL to be here to celebrate with FAMILY and FRIENDS!  I am THANKFUL to have survived 2012 after two rounds of chemo, radiation and two surgeries.  I feel like I have conquered like a CHAMP and I am ready to start anew in a lot of aspects of my life.

We had a WONDERFUL Holiday Season.  We had our Christmas Party the 22nd of December - My daughter Kamie and her husband Mike flew in from Dayton, Ohio on the 21st and stayed for a week.  Kelsi and her husband John left the 23rd for Mexico for a week - taking CHARLOTTE with them!!  Our party was at Kelsi and John's home in Lehi and it was wonderful.  All four of our grandchildren were there and had a great time playing with each other!  Simone is 9, Lukas 7, Stella 4 and Charlotte is 9 months tomorrow.  These babies are such a JOY in my life - focusing on them and being here for their futures - helped my fight in my battle with cancer - the day-to-day AWFUL AWFUL parts!  These babies are truly LIGHTS in my life and I am GRATEFUL!!

We were happy to welcome in the NEW YEAR!  We recalled the events of the past year with laughing, smiles and many tears.  How grateful to be here to celebrate and to look forward to MANY MORE!   2012 was the most trying year we have spent in the 37 we have been together.  We are truly looking forward to this new year of 2013 with many hopes, dreams and chances to CATCH UP!!

I was visited by a friend a week or so before Christmas.  She stayed for almost two hours and we talked about MANY things.  She asked me what the most important thing I would say I learned through my experiences of the past year.  One of the things I learned is that we are NOT ALONE!  We are not alone in our journey here on this earth life!  There are MANY people looking out for us - working hard in our behalf - both on this earth and beyond the veil.  I have felt their presence and I could NEVER deny my experiences.  I am GRATEFUL!

We went to the mall on Saturday the 29th.  I had not been to the mall in over a year.  I was like a little kid in a candy store.  I was so amazed that we hadn't been there and Kerm had to remind me that I couldln't even walk to the door, let alone make it back and forth down the hallways!  My cancer year seems like a bad dream and I cannot even believe it truly happened to me!  It is like having a baby!  Most people do it over and over again - FORGETTING the bad parts and being thankful for the greatness!  For awhile there, after my second round of chemo and my second surgery my hair was a little thinner and my eyelashes were almost all gone!  They are back as long as ever now and my hair is back to normal. I can truly say that I am 100%!  I will be eternally GRATEFUL for more time on this earth to spend doing the things I want and need to do!

I am ready to start back in my ACN Business.  ACN was a great endeavor, not only for me but for my entire family.  It was a business that I truly excelled at and I am looking starting back up and working HARD!   ACN was the reason we were able to build our beautiful cabin at Sundance.  I cannot wait to get involved and help others reach their dreams and aspirations!  It is truly fulfilling to me and I cannot wait! 

I am THANKFUL for my FAMILY.  I am THANKFUL for my FRIENDS and for those new friends who have been so incredibly supportive to me this past year.  I honestly do not think I would have been able to make it through as well as I did without the love and support from NUMEROUS people!  A BIG THANK YOU to all of YOU - All who have helped or encouraged me in any way - the notes, the cards, the food, or simply just the kind thoughts!

I am going to continue to update my blog and keep focused with positive thoughts, helping others along the way.  I can truly say I  am EXCITED for the first time in a LONG TIME!  I am looking forward to living life to the fullest!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: 

"And He will raise you up on eagle's wings, bear you on the breath of dawn, make you to shine like the sun, and hold you in the palm of His Hand".  

I can honestly say to you that I have been held in the palm of His hand!  I have felt His presence and that of those beyond the veil.  I have been ministered to by ANGELS - on this earth and from beyond!  I am filled with GRATITUDE!  We are NOT ALONE!

GOD BLESS US EVERYONE - LOVE AND HUGS

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY........

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO KERM TODAY!!  37 WONDERFUL years!  I can hardly believe it has been that long - the first 36 years seemed to FLY by - the last year has been PAINFULLY slow but there is still so much to be GRATEFUL for!
I am so THANKFUL today for my husband - Kerm Jackson, aka BUBBA!  I truly consider myself very BLESSED to be his wife and I also feel BLESSED that he is my husband.  He is a GREAT man - and has been an AMAZING husband.  There really are not words to express how I feel about him other than to say I truly love him!  He is a patient, kind and loving man.  He has truly supported me in all my endeavors and has encouraged me to FLY!  And fly I have!  I am so thankful for the loving support and tender loving care he has rendered in my behalf!

Tonight we will go to dinner and to an EARLY showing of Les Mis which is scheduled to come out Christmas Day!  I truly LOVE the story and I am excited for tonight - the movie starts at 9 pm!  This morning bright and early came the ring at the door with my beautiful flowers!  December 19th was such a magical day to get married - right before Christmas and I LOVE the day!  My wedding bouquet had pine boughs with red roses and red carnations and Karen J Florals made the bouquet today just as beautiful!  If you are ever in need of a truly AMAZING lady to do your florals - let me know and I will get you connected with her.  She does BEAUTIFUl work!!

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of tests and doctor visits and more test.  I had a pulmonary function test at Timpanogos Hospital last week with a High Resolution CT scan of my lungs at the Imaging Center at Central Utah Clinic.  I found out results yesterday and today.  I saw the pulmonologist yesterday - I have nodules in my lungs - and with the symptoms I have had the last six weeks it makes sense that it is the sarcoidosis.  That being said, because I HAD cancer - it makes them concerned for what possibly could be there.  I saw Dr. Bott my oncologist today.  Both physicians feel that the explanation of the nodules in the lungs is the diagnosis of sarcoidosis - especially since I had it before.  They cannot rule out cancer but that would be a second explanation.  Dr. Bott felt, with a fair amount of certainty, that the first explanation is in fact the correct one.  I have had scarring in my lungs for 29 years - I don't think  there is anything that has changed!    However, it is not clearly definitive - I have to see him again in three months and get new CT scans in four months and see the pulmonlogist.  I am praying hard that there will be no change and that I can just continue to live my life and get on with it.  I have FAITH and I feel that  ALL IS WELL.  I feel GREAT!   My blood counts are up today - I am no longer anemic.  I had a colonoscopy two weeks ago - the first since my cancer diagnosis November 30, 2011.  ALL WAS WELL and I don't have to do THAT again for two years.

So with this news I am truly GRATEFUL for TODAY!  I am GRATEFUL for my time on this EARTH!  I feel blessed to be here and to have the strength and energy as I did before any diagnoses!   I am going to live my life to the FULLEST and aid and help others in any way I can!  I have so much left to do on this earth and I am GRATEFUL for TIME to be able to do those things I find necessary and helpful.

Today I spent a few hours at Freedom Academy where grandchildren Simone and Lukas go to school.  I helped in Lukas' class to help make snow globes and I played the piano for the Christmas Carols.  How THANKFUL I am for my talents - for my ENERGY and for the fact that I can help in the classrooms once again as I did when my children were younger!  It was a WONDERFUL experience.  How I LOVE my grandchildren.  Simone, Lukas, Stella and Charlotte!  We are truly BLESSED.  They are BEAUTIFUL spirits and have so much to offer.  I am so GRATEFUL!

I am THANKFUL to be at the end of this year - So THANKFUL for my current health and the return of my energy!  It has been a long year but I have learned so much.  I will talk about some of the things I have learned in my next blog.  I am THANKFUL for energy to SHOP!!  It was almost ONE FULL YEAR with no shopping because I simply did not have the ENERGY or even the desire to go out and shop.  Now I dress up and feel like the ME of OLD and I just cannot begin to express the GRATITUDE!  Who would think that a little thing like SHOPPING would make such a difference???

Please continue to pray for me and my family.  We pray nightly for those who pray for us.  There is so much for ALL of us to be GRATEFUL for.  There are so MANY who need our prayers!  I love that we can ALL bear the burdens of one another and that we can help those in need.  ]

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  There is a scripture in Philippians in the Bible that in short says this:

"Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to GOD.  And the peace of GOD, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ". 

So THANKFUL for my SAVIOR and the ability to present requests to GOD and for the answers and blessings I receive DAILY!

GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!   LOVE AND HUGS!!!!!!!!!

RESULTS...

I have had a very frustrating couple of weeks.. I am writing this today simply because so many of my friends are asking WHAT is going on!

 I started November 10th with LUMPS in my hips/thighs. These have spread to my ankles - arms, etc.  I have been to see several physicians.  I had a biopsy taken of one of the nodes on November 15th.  I was told my results would be back the 19-20th but that was not TRUE!   Results did not come back until Monday the 26th.  It confirmed what the dermatologist had suggested - that I had ERYTHEMA NODOSUM.

ERYTHEMA NODOSUM is an infectious/inflammatory process that usually manifests itself in the legs.  It usually is the alarm the body gives off saying there is some sort of process going on inside the body.  I saw a different dermatologist on Tuesday morning the 27th.  He was not willing to call this process SARCOIDOSIS - which was the first initial thinking.  I had blood work drawn that morning - they took about 6-7 vials.   CT scans were scheduled for Wednesday the 28th.  I drank a quart of contrast Tuesday evening and another quart before I got to imaging yesterday at 11 am.   Once I was there I was given an IV to accommodate the contrast they injected while I was in the scanning room.

Scans were taken basically of my entire torso.  Lungs, liver, spleen, aorta, kidneys, etc.  I received results of most of the blood work yesterday.  Most everything was normal but the sed-rate was very high which means - there is an infectious process going on inside my body!  NO KIDDING!!!

I called down this morning as I was told the results of the scans would be in the SYSTEM within 24 hours.  I was told the results - most all the scans are clear.  There are TWO lesions in my right lung.  The radiologist listed it as "metastatic lung cancer" but what you need to know is this - He DOES NOT KNOW that I have a process going on in my body.  Sarcoidosis also shows up looking the very same.  So I was referred immediately to the pulmonologist (lung doctor) at 2 pm this afternoon.  He read through all the results - saw my LEGS which are definitely red and LUMPY!  It looks like I have HUGE red bruises all over my legs - so on and so forth!  He is not willing to call it sarcoidosis.  He DOES NOT like contrast on the CT scans.  He was not willing to call it cancer.  When I was finished Dr. Bott called me who had been monitoring the visit with the pulmonologist.  Dr. Bott is the cancer specialist who has been following me.  He was watching as the notes were written by the pulmonologist.  He told me he wished he could tell me I was perfect but he cannot.  He said he felt however, as though I would be around in 20 years.  That was good news but ALL was way too much for me and I cried and cried.

This is the deal.  Needless to say - my colonoscopy was once again cancelled for tomorrow.  YAY - I need to get that now on the 6th of December.  On the 10th I  will have full pulmonary function tests.  On the 13th I will have a HIGH RESOLUTION CT SCAN once again - with NO CONTRAST of my lungs.  This pulmonologist did not like the contrast!  Everything looks white and he could not give a definitive diagnosis.  I will see the pulmonologist once again on the 18th and hopefully it will be clearly definitive.  This is what I need and this is what I am praying for.

I was able to read what the radiologist said - which immediately made me cry!  Dr. Bott says it is way too soon to have metastatic lung cancer.  With the infectious process going on it is a wait and see game. 

I am thinking positively.  Despite taking many different immune boosters, some recommended by lots of my friends, my immune system is STILLhighly compromised.  I am anemic - I though I had rebounded from that but NO - I am still really anemic so I will take supplements for that.  I have been very tired but I get up - get ready WITH my makeup every day, and I don't take NAPS!  I keep going and going until it is time for bed. 

I WANT TO BE NORMAL which makes me laugh out loud as I even write that because I AM NOT NORMAL!!  I don't even know what NORMAL is but I have always NOT BEEN NORMAL!  I don't even KNOW if there is NORMAL!  I just want to be well - healthy and move on with my life.  This is holding me up  - just for a LITTLE WHILE.  My friend Pres. Kenison said it is a small BUMP IN THE ROAD - If only he could SEE my bumps  HA HA  - I believe this to be true.  I can overcome this - I refuse to believe I have lung cancer and I am thiniking positively.  I  know positive thinking is HEALTHY.  I WANT TO BE  HEALTHY!  I have tried to get rid of any negative at all in my life.  I don't want to hang on to anything negative.  ALL positive for me!

So my friends - this is where I am tonight.  AND instead of clear liquids today Bubba is taking me to dinner tonight.  I NEED to get out and I am THANKFUL to be OUTTA HERE TONIGHT!!!

I would ask for continued prayers.  I need them.  I will also tell you this.  Yesterday as I laid on the table getting my CT scans - I had tears streaming down my face.  I felt very ALONE while lying there but I had a strong feeling that I was NOT ALONE!  That was the reason for my tears.   I KNOW I am being watched over.  Not just by ANGELS on this earth - but by ANGELS on the other side of the veil.  I KNOW IT - I FEEL IT and I TESTIFY OF IT!

I am GRATEFUL for so many things.  I am NOT excited about my path for the next few weeks - BUT I ALSO HAVE FAITH - I do not believe there is ANYONE who has more FAITH THAN I DO!  I also have lots of HOPE.  Today I felt that I had been knocked down but I am back up already.  You get knocked down and you keep getting back up again and again and again.  I am BACK UP!!  All six feet of me!!!  My SPIRIT will NOT  be crushed! 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  Those who have known a problem first hand are usually better able to help others walking through the same difficulty!  I am HERE for anyone who needs me.  I have tried to be positive and help those who are going through some of the same things I am.  I VOW to do that for the rest of my days.

"BRAVE YOUR STORM WITH FIRM ENDEAVOR
   LET YOUR VAIN REPININGS GO!
HOPEFUL HEARTS WILL FIND FOREVER
  ROSES UNDERNEATH THE SNOW"

Please continue to pray for me and my family.  We pray daily for those who pray for us.    LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL  - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!

SHORT LIVED PEACE....

I am sick....AGAIN! This is what I will tell you. I can handle this. I would rather, once again, have it be me who is sick, than wish this upon anyone else!! I would NOT wish this upon my worst enemy. I actually don't think I have any enemies but if I did, I still wouldn't wish it for anyone!!

I felt as though I was doing so well. October was a HEALING month!! I came into November really feeling on top of the world !

We traveled to Las Vegas two times in the last month to visit and watch my two nephews play football. Their team is in the playoffs and I love every minute of watching them! I want to tell you a little about them. Blake Frischknecht is the oldest son of my brother Kurt who passed away in 2002 in a car accident. Blake had just turned 7. He is a kicker. This is his first year playing football as a senior kicker. He has played soccer since his daddy started him in the sport at age 3-4. He is coming to BYU to play soccer BUT I think BYU could use a KICKER for their football team!  When he kicks the ball off his kicks fly through the other team's goal posts!  His field goals are easily 50 yards!   His papa would be SO PROUD!  Chance McCutcheon is also a senior. He is the son of Ricky who my sister-in-law married a few years after Kurt's death. I love Ric like a brother and that is how I regard him. As my brother! Chance is a linebacker who plays his heart out!! I love these two boys and I am proud of them..  Anyway. These boys are brothers and this is the very amazing thing about them. They were both born the same day!!! May 10, 1995!! Brothers from a different mother!!! I love it! I love them!!

Last Friday I started feeling a little pain at the top of my outer thighs right below my hips. I felt as if they were both bruised. Saturday the pain was worse but I still felt as though I had somehow bruised my legs. By Sunday evening I had these "lumps" all over my upper thighs. Kerm circled 26 of them. The nodules are about an inch in diameter, hot and very painful. Except the ones I first felt. They are each about three inches in diameter, hot and painful. It hurts to move! By Monday the number of nodes had doubled. I saw Dr Bott my oncologist. He suggested a biopsy. By Wednesday I had over 100 and today they have spread down both legs, onto my ankles and now on my arms.  These are painful nodules which are red and hot!

I saw the dermatologist yesterday who took a nodule out of my arm with about a two inch incision. The biopsy results will be back Monday or Tuesday. If you have taken me off your prayer list I BEG you to add my name again. GOSH! I am a sick girl. I pray for the lessor or the three evils which are
1) Lymphoma which is another form of cancer
2) A disease called Sarcoidosis which I had 29 years ago and hopefully is the more likely cause or
 3) What they call Valley Fever.

When my youngest child Kelsi turned one I became very ill.  I had these same horribly painful lumps in my legs and finally had to use crutches. Kerm would carry me to and from the car. It was a rough time because I had four children - the oldest was 6!!'. It was really really hard.  A physician suggested an x-ray of my lungs and after a lung biopsy the disease Sarcoidosis was diagnosed. I was put on hugely high doses of steroids and eventually regained my health. As I left the hospital the physician told me to expect to gain great amounts of weight!   I did gain 10 pounds but lost it after finishing the medications.  This disease never goes away but usually it doesn't resurface unless the immune system is compromised. Well - mine has been very comprosed over the past year.  I am however, praying I have that PARTICULAR disease.  I have dealt with it before.  Originally 29 years ago they thought I had lymphoma until the biopsy came back Sarcoidosis. You can google the disease and read all about it. At that time it was in my lungs and they are permanently scarred but the scarring has never hindered me.  It can affect your heart and be fatal. It can affect your brain, cause blindness and I just don't even want to go into more details.   It is rare for a Caucasian person to perish from this disease.  The comedian Bernie Mac died a year ago from Sarcoidosis.  I have a great deal of FAITH.  I have been given blessings and one must NEVER ever underestimate my FAITH!!

I decided today that next November we need to go away for the whole month! My trials have been coming in Novembers and I don't like that!

What I will tell you also is this... I am THANKFUL!! I am thankful for trials because I will attest they make a person stronger. I guess the Colon cancer wasn't enough! I obviously need to learn more. I am a fast learner so just let me get it over with!!! Needless to say my colonoscopy was cancelled today. I still have that to look forward to!!!

PLEASE pray for me. I will find out my fate Monday or Tuesday and move forward in FAITH overcoming this new trial!! I CAN do it. I can handle the pain. The nodules are spread all over my ankles this morning but I can still walk and do the things i need to do!! I can handle anything as long as I know what I am dealing with!! A dear friend suggested this is just another BUMP in the road for me.  I have great HOPE!!

So here I go again with this new stepping stone. I will hurdle this one and be good as new. I still look the same and no one will ever quelch my SPIRIT. I am filled with GRATITUDE!!

Thought For The Day: I have nothing more to say other than I can't wait to see my grand babies. Hopefully we get a sleepover this weekend. Hug your loved ones and be GRATEFUL.  ANGELS truly attend all of us - On BOTH sides of the veil and I TESTIFY that this is TRUTH.  I FEEL their presence!!

 GOD bless us EVERYONE!!! Love and Hugs!!!

ALMOST A YEAR.....

I have not updated my blog for over a month!  I have taken the time I need to heal - both physically and mentally and I have had many many occasions to ponder my last year!  October was very good to me for which I am truly THANKFUL!!

I have healed almost completely and feel as if I am back to nearly 100%!  I was doing fine until Friday when I started feeling pain on both sides of my hips at the top of the femur.  I felt as though I had bruises on both sides.  Sunday evening I began feeling all sorts of BUMPS on the back of my legs - mainly above the knee.  These are red and sore nodules and I had Kerm circle the ones I had Sunday evening - the count?   26 nodes!!!  Not GOOD!   I saw Dr. Bott yesterday and he does not know what they are.  He has referred me to a surgeon to biopsy these nodes to see just what they are.  Last night they were more painful and there were MORE!  I have some on my lower legs now!  We will get to the bottom of these and hopefully I  will continue on my path to being completely healed!

As I said earlier, I have had a lot of time to reflect on the past year! I canoot begin to say how GRATEFUL I am for those people who supported and who continue to support me. 

I will be perfectly honest.  At the beginning of this EXPERIENCE, if you will, I had NO EXPECTATIONS!   I really did not expect anything from anyone.  It became discouraging however when I realized I did need huge amounts of support!  A few friends who I thought would be supportive through thick and thin - who I thought I could depend on no matter what - were NOT there for me. There were COUNTLESS others who stepped up and WERE there for me for which I am so thankful!! Those same friends who were not there for me, on a regular basis, remind me of how busy and important they are!  I feel extremely sorry for these people.  I am so THANKFUL for my own knowledge of being here on this earth to aid others.  That has been the story of my life!!  The bottom line here is that I don't care who you are - NO ONE is that busy or important!! I could NOT depend on those folks during the very most DIFFICULT year of my life, a time when I needed huge amounts of support and it was simply not there for me.  Like I said, I try not to judge as that is not my job.    HOWEVER - and this is a BIG however, I did realize who I COULD count on and I stayed focused on  those people and being POSITIVE because that is HEALTHY!!!! I needed to be positive in order to get better!!!

I promised I would be HONEST and you just got a dose of my HONESTY!!

Thursday I will have a colonoscopy and I'll be honest again!!! I am not exited. It brings back memories that I would rather just forget. That means today is my last eating day until after the colonoscopy. My choice for dinner will be Red Lobster. Tomorrow is a clear liquid day and then in the afternoon I have to drink that NASTY stuff AGAIN!!! Ugh!!

The one PERK if you will, of colon cancer -  and the surgery involved has been a 25 pound weight loss. TRUST ME - This is NOT something you  would ever want!   However, I  can eat whatever I want - and I will not ever gain weight again!  I am truly GRATEFUL to be alive and I am truly looking forward to this Holiday Season!  Last year was a BUMMER!! Literally!!

On December 14th I will have the six month scans of my liver, lungs and abdomen. I PRAY that those scans will be clear!  I cannot wait to truly enjoy the rest of the year with peace of mind!!

I have enjoyed the presence of my grandchildren. I LOVE them to the moon and back. It is such a tremendous joy to have them in our home! Simone, Lukas, Stella and Charlotte! The TRUE Lights in my life!! They are beautiful, loving and very smart!! They are growing into WONDERFUL human beings!  I  am thankful to Kami and Kelsi for letting us enjoy their children!!

During the last week I have basically redone our home! I have gone through EVERYTHING! I have cleaned out closets and drawers. I have moved furniture around and incorporated new. My house feels brand new and I am excited to have a brand new year and move on with my life!!!

Thank you to my supporters! Thank you for the prayers in my behalf and in behalf of my family! I still need those prayers. Thank you for the visits and the encouragement!! I am GRATEFUL! I have SO MUCH to be THANKFUL for this year!! It is very humbling!! Most of all THANK YOU to my husband. It brings me to tears to think about the support he has been to me!! Unbelievable!!!  I have learned SO MUCH!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  One of my favorite sayings ....
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other"

"When your nights are filled with loneliness and your days are dark with discouragement - when you can't seem to read or pray or to do anything else - just sit still..  and let GOD love you". 

Thank you AGAIN for thoughts and prayers....  Love and Hugs!

THREE WEEKS POST SURGERY....

I haven't written since my second surgery. I have had an interesting three weeks. I have truly been blessed with so much. It is hard to express my feelings with mere words. I am GRATEFUL and I am BLESSED.

I mowed the front lawn today! First time since the second surgery. I feel good enough to do the back however I don't want to overdo it. The back takes twice as long as the front and Kerm ended up doing that.

I saw my surgeon on August 30th. I was very shocked when he suggested surgery the next day. At first I said OK. When I got home I called and told them I felt like it was all happening too fast. I suggested that we stick with the September schedule at which time I was informed that the September spot had already been filled and now we were looking at sometime in October. Well there was my answer. I hurried and got the house cleaned, did all the laundry and prepared for surgery the next morning - Friday August 31st.  My daughter Kamie made sure to call the hospital and hand picked once again the anesthesiologist and nurses who would be in the surgery with me.  I am so THANKFUL for her and for the HUGE help she has been through all of this.  Even though she is FAR AWAY in Ohio, we speak often and it doesn't feel so far. 

The surgery went very well. They reconnected everything and took out the port in my chest. Can I tell you how good it feels to have that thing gone???? Oh my gosh! I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly awful those four months were!!! The second surgery lasted an hour and a half and I recovered quickly.  Once again Kerm stayed with me the whole time.  Friday morning August 31st was the surgery.  We were there Saturday, Sunday, Monday (LABOR DAY) and came home on Tuesday.  The first week is a huge blur.   I know it took some time to readjust but  I have adjusted quicker than normal and I am extremely GRATEFUL.  I will see the surgeon again Thursday the 27th for my last follow up and the oncologist October 1st.  I am assuming he  will order scans and then I will have to do scans every six months or so.  I assume I an CANCER-FREE!   That is my hope and my prayer.

This last week I redid my computer room.  It was the last room in my house to have WALLPAPER in it.  I stripped the wall paper, painted, redid the curtains and got some new furniture.  It feels SO GREAT to be ALMOST normal and to  have the energy and strength that I lacked for so many months BACK!   Again - such great BLESSINGS.  I am THANKFUL!

We have Simone,Lukas and Stella staying over night tonight (Saturday).  These children indeed are the LIGHTS of my LIFE!   We went to the Mellor Ranch in Lehi today and visited with John and Kelsi and baby Charlotte.  I was able to snap a picture of ALL FOUR of my grandchildren!   They are delightful, fun, beautiful and a JOY to be with!!  We feek  so BLESSED to  be able to spend time with them all! 

I am gaining MUCH strength and energy.  I am able to do the things I USED to do.  I  feel a lot like the OLD me but I will never be the same again.  I have learned so much - I have been through so much and I have enjoyed many many BLESSINGS.  I truly  have had ANGELS attend me and CONTINUE to have Angels who attend me.  I am so THANKFUL.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:     MAY YOU HAVE.....
Enough happiness to keep you SWEET!
Enough trials to keep you STRONG!
Enough sorrow to keep you HUMAN!
Enough hope to keep you HAPPY!
Enough failure to keep you HUMBLE!
Enough success to  keep you EAGER!
Enough friends to give you COMFORT!
Enough wealth to meet your NEEDS!
Enough enthusiasm to look FORWARD!
Enough faith to banis DEPRESSION!
Enough determination to make each day better than YESTERDAY!

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your PRAYERS, FAITH in my behalf and KIND THOUGHTS and ACTIONS.  Please keep praying.  We pray for all those who pray for US! 

I am THANKFUL!   GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!   LOVE AND HUGS!!!!

GOOD NEWS DAY....

37 years ago today, August 28, 1975, Kerm Jackson asked me to marry him!! (It was just six weeks after his FORMER roommate had asked me to Marry Him)    Hard to believe how fast time has passed!  It has been an amazing ride.  Not always easy, but a huge learning experience.  I wouldn't trade all the ups and downs for all the rice in China!!   I LOVE HIM to the MOON and back!   Together we have created Eternal Memories!  I am THANKFUL!

FALL is in the air!! We spent some time Sunday at the Sundance cabin. If you look closely in the background you will see the start of the beautiful color changes announcing the arrival of my FAVORITE season! Gives me great HOPE!! Provo Canyon is changing and the colors are beautiful!!

Monday at 10:30 was the BIG appointment where Decisions were made. Since last week when my white blood count had fallen "in the toilet" at. 1.8 and absolute neutrophils were .63 I was actually a little SCARED!! I was told to wear a mask and stay away from people. Now I have been known to be SLIGHTLY rebellious. Those who truly know me know that YES -  this is true!!. NO mask for me and I went wherever I wanted to! 

I also had ALOT of people praying for me. I got a Facebook inbox from a friend in California. He said "even though we haven't met, I have been following your blog and I want you to know I'm praying for you". I am so THANKFUL for ALL of you who have been praying for me. Don't quit YET!! I still NEED you ALL!!

Monday my white count was back to 7.3. Huge upswing! Absolute neutrophils were 5.5. Actually on the high side. Such a huge BLESSING!! Dr Bott could not explain the counts which were run twice just to be sure last week. Could only attribute them to the chemo!! I BELIEVE in prayers! Thank you!!

I saw the urologist on Thursday the 23rd. My symptoms are NOT yet resolved. So Monday after much discussion Dr. Bott determined I was FINISHED with that NASTY chemo. After last week I had come to that decision myself and I truly felt that there was a reason for those low counts that confirmed my decision!!. Monday there were great discussions and agreements! I did not even have to beg. He immediately called Dr. Sklow at the Huntsman Cancer Center and surgery to reconnect is scheduled for Monday September 10th!! I am THRILLED!! Of course I want to do what is BEST but Dr. Bott has witnessed the suffering.  I

I know I am not the only person to have suffered with chemotherapy. However he told me in 30 years he has not seen anyone so incredibly sensitive to the chemo. Of course that would have to be ME!! The urologist said he sees my symptoms mainly in pediatric patients because they are so sensitive. I can only imagine if it affected me so much on the outside it had to kill any remaining cells. It has nearly killed ME !!'

We are moving quickly towards a more PLANT BASED diet.  I have a DVD sent by a friend which talks about better health with just a little diet change.  I don't think we have had a BAD diet  as we have both maintained our weight for 37 years!  I just think that we will try some of the alternative stuff we have been introduced to.  I don't think any of it will HURT! The fact is this - ANIMAL PROTEIN actually acts as a FERTILIZER for cancer cells.  I have never eaten a lot of red meat but we are adjusting our diets and I guess only time will tell!!  I will help anyone with this any day.  There are a lot of people who are NOT healthy.  I felt that I was extremely healthy - until November 30, 2011. 

So FINISHED I am!!  I did my BEST and endured the treatments as much as I could and I feel entirely at PEACE with the decisions made!  I got  up every day -  always put on my makeup, always did the normal activities of daily living - mowed the front lawn as much as I could and joked and laughed.   I feel that I have handled this CHALLENGE with COURAGE, GRACE and DIGNITY!!  I have tried NOT to complain.  Once I am able to mow BOTH front and back you will know I am BACK TO MY OLD NEW SELF!!  Our grandkids taught us a very SILLY game but we LOVE it!  Perhaps you have played BINGO!  When you see a yellow vehicle you call out BINGO!  We have had many many laughs over this game!  Bubba and I play every day.  I can usually beat the socks off of him but on occasion he will win.  Yellow Jeeps are worth more points - we just are keenly aware of ANY yellow vehicles!  CRAZY OLD PEOPLE!!!

I am anxious to get back to a NEW normal life.  Bubba and I even took a spin today on the bicycle built for two!  He was the one who got winded FIRST!  I cannot wait to recover and to go about my BUSINESS again!  YAY HOORAY!!

I cannot begin to express my Gratitude to my Heavenly Father for seeing me through these last few months.  I remember getting through June and wondering how in the world would I make it through those LONG HOT MONTHS OF JULY AND AUGUST!   Well here we are!  August 28th!  The month is almost finished.  September 10th will be my surgery and I will get back to normal.  I originally thought I wouldn;t be a candidate for that surgery until the October/November time frame so I am THRILLED!   I will have scans every six months to make sure all is well.  My last scan was June so in November it will be time for another.

I cannot begin to express my GRATITUDE to my MANY friends who have prayed for me and continue to pray for me.  I am not really finished - just with what I consider the BAD part!.  I still have a ways to go but I am getting stronger and will surely be better before TOO LONG!  Thanks to those in my family who CARE - who have kept up with my progress and have been in touch with Me!  Especially to my GIRLS - Kamie, Kelsi and Kami!  They have offered much support and they are amazing women and I love them to pieces.  Of couse I love the boys too and I too am thankful for them.  I am TRULY THANKFUL for my grandchildren who have been great distractions during this summer.  How THANKFUL I am for the time we get to spend with them.  Those times are PRICELESS!!  I am most THANKFUL and GRATEFUL for BUBBA!  He has been by my side the WHOLE TIME.  He has done his work from home and has been here to encourage and support me every step of the way.  Please continue to pray for me and my family.  Again I say to you - we pray for those who pray for US!!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  "Whether Seventy or Sixteen, There is in Every Being's Heart the Love of Wonder, The Sweet Amazement at the Stars and the Starlike Things and Thoughts, the Undaunted Challenge of Events, The Unfailing Childlike Appetite For What is Next and the JOY in the Game of Life"!!!

I am Joyfully looking forward to the Next Stage in my Life - The Next CHALLENGE.  I know there will be more and I am better equipped more than EVER to face what may come my Way!  \

Once Again - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!!   Love and Hugs from Me to YOU!!