I STAND ALL AMAZED......

I am so THANKFUL for the Long President's Day weekend which helped me gain a little more strength and helped me with the cold that is in my chest get just a little better!  I was concerned that my blood counts would drop further but in fact it was just the opposite - they rebounded from last week and allowed me to continue my treatment yesterday and continue to get this part of my journey completed!  Today is day 17 of 28.  I am pushing to the end! Considering how sick I have been, I was AMAZED that the blood counts rebounded.  I attribute that to PRAYERS in my behalf.  I am so THANKFUL for FRIENDS who continue to PRAY for me and continue to offer such support.  I keep saying that I can FEEL the support and it is TRUE - I am HUMBLED and I am THANKFUL!  Thank you for TREATS!  I LOVE THEM!

I am COMPLETELY MISERABLE with the radiation burns.  I have tried just about EVERYTHING - I have researched so many different products and therapies and different things work at different times!  It is a SICK FEELING and almost causes PANIC to think that I cannot get any relief.  Please continue to pray for me because I need it.  I will push through this but please know sometimes I want to GIVE UP.  There are many things that keep me going!

My Friend Marjorie, who I have written about before and who is suffering at this point in time with her cancer,  brought dinner into Kerm and I on Monday evening.  Can you imagine my amazement?  I stand in awe of Marjorie and again - I STAND ALL AMAZED at her.  She is such a GREAT EXAMPLE of what this life is all about - Marjorie has given and continues to give to all around her.  She makes no EXCUSES in her life and it is truly HUMBLING to continue to be taught by her!  I love her!

Kerm and I raised FOUR very independent and successful children.  We are constantly AMAZED by them.  I am GRATEFUL and HUMBLED by their genuine love and concern for both Kerm and I.  Like I have said many many times - I would choose them ALL as my friends - even if they were not a part of me.  While they were growing up we encouraged them to be their best and to work hard at the things they wanted to accomplish.  We had a sign hanging in two rooms of our home which was a constant reminder to them - "MAKE AN EFFORT - NOT AN EXCUSE".  That sign still hangs in the computer room and serves as a constant reminder to ME - to not make any excuses - but to keep moving forward in this journey.  I tell BUBBA at night that I can't do this - I want to say "UNCLE" - which means I GIVE UP!  His unwavering love and support helps and amazes me!   I think of my children and how they have worked so hard - I think of Marjorie and how she CONTINUES moving forward with much more suffering than I am experiencing.  When I saw the picture of this precious boy with a SMILE on his face -  it helped me so much - I visually think of him in my mind and I continue.  I really don't have a CHOICE!   I am a different human being - I am still BOBBY - but I am a BETTER BOBBY!  I have a lot to offer and will continue to hang in there. 

While building businesses I have used this motivation!  MAKE AN EFFORT - NOT AN EXCUSE!

We ALL have excuses - they are like sweat glands - EVERYONE has them - and basically they all STINK!  I would encourage everyone to push through difficulties and hard times and to be EXCUSE-free!  Take a picture of this precious boy and keep it somewhere to remind you to NEVER GIVE UP!  If ANY of YOU ever need encouragement or need help in any way  - please contact me.  I will help you in any way possible and I will ENCOURAGE you!  They say it takes a Village to raise a Child.  I agree with that and I say it takes a Village to Help Each other out!  Surround yourself with POSITIVE people and make an effort in everything you do!

I am THANKFUL for TENDER MERCIES!  I am THANKFUL for a loving HEAVENLY FATHER who I KNOW is aware of me and my struggles.  He knows my needs and he knows my strengths and my weaknesses.  I am AMAZED at the LOVE I feel.  I pray hard for relief and for strength to complete this journey. 

My THOUGHT FOR THE DAY comes from LAMENTATIONS in the BIBLE:  It basically says "The Steadfast Love of the LORD never ceases, HIS Mercies never come to An END!  They are NEW every morning...  I am THANKFUL for a LOVING HEAVENLY FATHER!  I am THANKFUL for all of YOU!   Love and HUGS!!!!

COMIN' IN ON A WING AND A PRAYER...

Today I completed the 14th out of 28 treatments. I am HALF WAY finished with the first part of my treatment and I am THRILLED!  It has been a rough week and my thought has been that I am headed to the weekend COMIN' IN ON A WING AND A PRAYER!  Because Monday is PRESIDENT'S DAY I do not start treatment again until Tuesday. That gives my an extra day to recuperate and hopefully regain some of my strength!

The phrase "COMIN' IN ON A WING AND A PRAYER" comes from a WWII song which is based on the actual words spoken by the pilot of a damaged aircraft who radioed the control tower as he prepared to come into land. The song says, "Tho there's one motor gone, we can still carry on, comin' in on a wing and a prayer"...

The chemotherapy and radiation has taken a toll on my body.  I IS STILL SICK!!  I have the cold I started with last week which has gone to my lungs. We set up a steam tent at night which seems to help quite a bit. I actually feel pretty good - just a little tired and sore. On Monday morning each week my blood is drawn and before the chemotherapy pump is placed, the results have to be within normal limits. Monday the 13th my counts were lower. My white blood count has dropped a couple of points since I started. If it drops one more point they will not treat me until the counts go back up. I have researched the things I can do that are EXTRA to try to boost my immune system. I am hoping with the extra day this week I can recover a little better. I am careful about where I go and what I do. I need the blood counts to be in a good range so I can start the treatment Tuesday. I am PRAYING hard! Though my spirits are high, my body is a little broken and I am literally limping to the end of this week ON A WING AND A PRAYER!

I have prayed hard for a BUTT SHIELD!!  I know I have been protected from a lot of the harsh effects of my treatment.  This morning I noticed a large BRIGHT RED BURN in the crease at the top of my right leg!   I have NO CLUE how long it has been there!  It STARTLED me and actually scared the HECK RIGHT OUT OF ME!! (TRUST ME - I have LOTS of HECK in me!!)  While at radiology I asked if that was from the treatment and indeed - my SUNBURN is a bad burn in an area that does not normally see the sun!!  It is only on the top of the right leg.  There is nothing on my left leg.  What you need to know is THIS.....  I had surgery on an inguinal hernia years ago - on the right side.  The crease at the top of my leg is NUMB!  I have not felt any pain at all.  I put some Aloe Vera on the burn and felt a little stinging but can you imagine what GRATITUDE I feel that it is only on my right side?  I feel this is yet again - ANOTHER TENDER MERCY from Heavenly Father. 

 I know my prayers are heard.  I know many many people are praying for me and in fact, I am COMPLETELY OVERWHELEMED by the messages I receive DAILY - by text, by phone, in my INBOX and on this blog.  I am so THANKFUL for my BLESSINGS.  I am THANKFUL for FRIENDS.  I am THANKFUL for my family.  My children are in contact with me EVERY single day and have a genuine love and concern for me.  I LOVE them SO MUCH!  My grandchildren - Simone, Lukas and Stella call me on their Mama's phone and you cannot imagine how incredibly good that feels.  They are such BRIGHT SPOTS in my life and honestly - a HUGE reason for FIGHTING!  The HOPE of meeting Kelsi and John's CHARLOTTE in a month keeps me fighting! These babies are the LOVES of my LIFE!

On Valentine's Day Kerm and I went to dinner at a Thai place at 4 pm.  As you can imagine, we were the only ones in the restaurant - for at least 20 minutes!  It was perfect timing to get out but at a time where we would not run into lots of other people - which kills me - I LOVE people and I LOVE running into people and it makes me sad that I am basically a SHUT IN at this point in time.  For the time being - my CHURCH days are OVER!  I know this is necessary because I need to stay healthy and strong!  The grandchildren came by a little later with hand made cards and some GOURMET CUPCAKES for us!  I love those babies to PIECES!!

Two of my friends Susan and Marin brought by the darling little Doggie - complete with a YELLOW LIVESTRONG bracelet around his arm!  Along with flowers from BUBBA - these loving thoughts and actions MADE MY DAY!!

I COUNT MY BLESSINGS every single day!  This week I decided that during radiation I would pass the time each day  by COUNTING MY BLESSINGS - ALL OF THEM.  That includes YOU - my friends and family!  I am so THANKFUL!  I am so APPRECIATIVE of the prayers in my behalf.  Please Please Please keep praying for me and my family!  The next 14 treatments will continue to lower my immune system and at this point in time -  I need all the HELP I can get!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:   "But those who HOPE in the LORD will renew their STRENGTH.  They will SOAR on WINGS LIKE EAGLES; they will RUN and not grow WEARY, they will WALK and not FAINT"....     I HAVE HOPE!!

I IS SICK!!!

I  IS SICK!  Since we saw THE HELP I have joked every day with my husband saying,  "I is good, I is smart and I IS A CANCER PATIENT".  HA HA HA HA HA!   We chuckle a bit which at least helps bring some HUMOR to this SITUATION!   I guess I surprised myself because I wasn't really expecting to get SICK!  I am so THANKFUL for the weekend and for a chance to compose myself  and regroup ready to head into week #3 of my treatment!  UGH UGH UGH!!  CAN I SAY IT AGAIN????  UGH!!  On Wednesday my sore throat went COMPLETELY away.  I was so THANKFUL because it HURT!  What I didn't foresee happening to me was the AWFUL COLD that came on!  I have tried to stay away from places where SICK people are but when you go each day to a place where SICK people are plentiful, you have to expect that possibility!  When my youngest (KELSI) was just one-year-old I was diagnosed with a disease that came from NO WHERE!!  The disease is called SARCOIDOSIS and happened to exhibit itself in my lungs!   I was treated with huge doses of steroids and went into remission.  The aftermath of that disease is that my lungs are permanently scarred.  I have not had a lot of problems since that time ONLY when I get a cold.  It moves QUICKLY to my lungs!  GOSH! 

It took me until 1:30 today to GET READY for the day!  I sometimes wish I could just stay in bed and not do anything but it makes me feel worse!  I wake up in the mornings and take a look in the mirror - NOT a good idea UNTIL I put my makeup on.   Several times a day BUBBA tells me how beautiful I am.  Dang - he has never been a liar and now that he has taken to the lying, I love him EVEN MORE!
I needed to wash and trim my hair which took at least an hour longer than usual.  So here I am, makeup on, fully dressed with NO WHERE to go!!  I am trying to bribe BUBBA to take me out for just a little while - hopefully to places where there are not a lot of SICK PEOPLE!  I need a good book to read - I mean a REALLY GOOD book so I am taking suggestions!  Who thought I would become a BOOK READER????  I usually don't have time for that!

One interesting "side effect" of being treated with chemotherapy and radiation is that my sense of TASTE has changed.  Who KNEW?  Some of the things I once loved to eat do not taste good any more.  Last Saturday we took a drive on a beautiful sunny day to Park City.  I was feeling really good and we decided to eat at the Baja Cantina which is there by the lifts.  I ordered my usual, the seafood enchilada and could not wait to eat!  UGH - I took one bite and I couldn't handle the taste. I ended up with a side of rice which tasted really good!  Sunday I made a great rib recipe for the Super Bowl.  YUCK!  I had the potatoes and peas!   Throughout the week I have had to really think hard about what sounded good!  I have a hard time with lots of rich food and have to stick to simple things. Rice, noodles and potatoes taste good. I  DON'T eat much meat and by admitting this I know my daughter Kamie is jumping up and down with this statement because she is vegetarian!  In the morning I eat some canned pears - every day with a piece of toast.  I cannot do much lunch cause I have radiation at 1 pm.  There are LOTS of side effects you COULD get, vomiting, constipation, diarrhea, nausea, watery eyes, etc.  I have had some nausea and one of the others.  I will not get specific with you but I said I would be honest.  I have to be VERY careful about what I eat and where I am because it is HARD to leave home!  HA HA HA HA HA!   I am losing weight, retaining water which makes me look a little puffy. 

Today the thought of Kentucky Fried Chicken makes me feel REALLY REALLY GOOD!!  I want a thigh and a drum stick.  I can't wait to get that for dinner! I can handle the potatoes and corn but NOT the gravy!   I think tomorrow I will make steamed vegetables with cheese and cream sauce.   That was a regular of mine when we had Prestwich Farms here in Orem.  We occasionally go to the mouth of Spanish Fork Canyon where Prestwich Farms still exists.  I don't think I could make it there today so tomorrow I will make it myself!  I have to snack a little bit which is not NORMAL for me.  I LOVE the KETTLE Salt and Vinegar BAKED chips but cannot even eat them anymore!  I have found some of the trail mixes sound good - only with nuts and raisins - I have to pick the chocolate out of it before I can eat it.  Weird I know - but that works for me NOW!

My brother Mark works in Gastroenterology at St. Mark's Hospital in Salt Lake City.  He text me one day this week asking how I was doing.  I replied pretty well - that I had a little nausea, ETC.  I told him I pray hard and each day as I am  laying on the table in radiation I pray for a BUTT SHIELD!   HA HA HA HA HA   He immediately wrote back and said, "Bobby - what in the SAM HILL is a BUTT SHIELD"?   Once again - HA HA HA HA HA!   I told him I have NO CLUE - but because I am EXPOSED to the radiation and it COULD burn my BUTT - I pray hard for a BUTT SHIELD!   I learned a long time ago that if you have FAITH and pray with PURE INTENT and SPECIFICS, your prayers will be answered.  Of course - NOT always the way you want them answered but nonetheless, your prayers will be answered.  So I got VERY SPECIFIC and I pray ALWAYS for a BUTT SHIELD.  Again - HUMOR makes such a difference.  Perhaps it could just be in my mind but SO FAR SO GOOD - no BURN yet!! 

This JOURNEY has changed me as a human being.  It helps to incorporate HUMOR throughout the day and I am FULL of it!  Each day I learn something new and it is an incredibly HUMBLING experience.  I will NEVER be the same and I am THANKFUL for the growth.  I will not put up with ANY DRAMA of any kind.  I immediately nip it in the BUTT!  I listen better, I love more and I try to be an instrument in helping others!  I need to get better, return to my normal strength and health and  then you'd better WATCH OUT!   I cannot wait!

I still need so many prayers.  I know people are putting my name in the Temples.  The last time I was at the Mt. Timpanogos Temple was right before I started treatment.  There was so much coughing and sneezing going on and I just cannot run that risk right now so I am totally DEPENDENT upon those of you who will help me!  PLEASE do that for me.  I am so THANKFUL for my BLESSINGS and I do COUNT them!   There are many.  We all have so many blessings - please do not take them for granted.  Take time to count your blessings and I think you will be amazed at how blessed we ALL are!  GOD is GREAT!  Please pray for my friend Marjorie - she needs all of your prayers!

My THOUGHT FOR THE DAY is a good one.  It has helped me so much to just relax and go with the FLOW!

"LIFE just IS.  You have to FLOW with it.  Give yourself to the MOMENT and LET it HAPPEN".    LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL!!

FRIENDS

As I was on the table today, receiving my 9th out of 28 treatments, my mind wandered to my FRIENDS!  I am so GRATEFUL for such an eclectic group of FRIENDS!  My husband has been out of town this week with my son Kasey doing business at Penn State.  I have definitely missed him and his loving, tender support.  I look forward to his return.  In the meantime I am comforted by my three little furry FRIENDS!   Left to right - Sassy a Pom/Yorkie mix, Sophie a perfectly beautiful Chihauhau and Daisy - My friend of almost 12 years - the Chubby Chihuahua!  I love these girls - yes - they are ALL girls and  have been such TRUE companions.  They follow me around and sense my struggling days.  I am actually very GRATEFUL for their presence in my home and this is from a NON-DOG person!  Who said time doesn't change a girl?  Because Daisy is privileged, she actually sleeps on the bed with us - much to Bubba's CHAGRIN!

On my way home today on State Street in Orem I once again saw Lady Liberty and Uncle Sam - out in costume waving their signs to entice people to go to Liberty Tax to have their taxes done.  Each Jan/Feb time frame Liberty Tax hires people to stand on the street and wave signs advertising their Tax Firm.  Five years ago my friend Cathy and I decided that we wanted to be Lady Liberty and Uncle Sam.  I would be Uncle Sam because I was the tallest.  She was going to dress as Lady Liberty.  We applied for the job and wanted to film and document the whole thing, hoping to be on the Oprah show - showcasing our 45-year friendship.  We were hired for the job and were due to start with a pay of $7.00 an hour.  We worked out a song and dance routine, synchronizing our steps as we would stand across the street from each other - AND - we didn't care if people knew who we were!  It was to be an adventure we had talked about for years!  When I told my husband of our soon-to-be NEW JOB - he immediately shot us down, saying we were taking jobs away from people who really needed them.  When you look at it THAT WAY - we reluctantly passed on that job.  Now at 50 years of FRIENDSHIP - we are more than ever determined to TRY for that job again - One of these years!  We were VERY YOUNG when we met and though we have definitely had our ups and downs, she is a DEAR FRIEND, along with her sisters Julie and Sharon ( MUCH MUCH YOUNGER) who I truly love and cherish and I am GRATEFUL.

Last night my friend Susan, who happens to be my Visiting Teacher, text me to find out how I was doing.  She has offered her services in my behalf - to drive me - to bring me dinner - ANYTHING and EVERYTHING.  I am THANKFUL for her.  When one goes through chemotherapy and radiation, the immune system is deeply compromised.  I have been really healthy and felt like I would be okay through this whole thing.  I mentioned I had started with a sore throat on Tuesday and at the end of the night last night it was REALLY sore.  She offered to bring me soup or get me anything I needed.  As I am fiercely independent, I told her I was fine - except for the sore throat.  Well this is the Deal  I need to tell you about - It was not more than FIVE MINUTES and my sore throat was gone.  I was acutely aware that it was gone because it had been such a source of PAIN!  I know that not only Susan prays for me, but that MANY MANY of my FRIENDS around the world are praying for me.  I am so incredibly GRATEFUL for TENDER MERCIES in my behalf.  I am so GRATEFUL for FRIENDS who pray for me on a daily basis.  Thank you so much!

I have FRIENDS I have known for almost 50 years.  I love them dearly and they know who they are! We went through Jr. High and High School together.  We have remained great FRIENDS and I KNOW I can count on them for ANYTHING and EVERYTHING  - ANY TIME!  When I was diagnosed with cancer I sent texts to them outlining what had happened to me.  Their responses were immediate and EACH ONE offered their Love and Concern!  I have received Flowers, Dinner and such great SUPPORT from these  amazing FRIENDS.   I express GRATITUDE every day for my FRIENDS!

My CHILDREN are my FRIENDS!  I love them SO MUCH!  EACH ONE OF THEM is someone I would CHOOSE as my FRIEND - Even if they were not a part of me!

I have OLD FRIENDS and NEW FRIENDS!  I LOVE my FRIENDS! 

What is a FRIEND?  Knowing there is another human being you can trust completely and realizing that someone else wants the BEST for you, too!  Sharing the good times - and the bad and NOT having to pretend!  I am so GRATEFUL for great FRIENDS!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  "Those who bring SUNSHINE to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves".  That is a quality of a GREAT FRIEND! 

Please continue to Pray for me and my FAMILY.  I FEEL IT!  It WORKS and I am THANKFUL for ALL of my FRIENDS.  I am HANGING IN THERE and feel strengthened by the Love and Support I continue to receive!  Love and HUGS to all!!!

ONE WEEK IN THE BOOKS......

I have ONE WHOLE WEEK - FIVE treatments in the books - MEANING - I ONLY have 23 treatments to go!!  Needless to say it has been a very interesting week!  Monday morning I arrived at the Oncology Department to have my pump placed.  The whole thing is about 6x3 inches and fits into the fanny pack I have pictured here.  One half is the PUMP and other half holds my POISON - otherwise known as the CHEMOTHERAPY!  There is a tube coming out of it which attaches into the portacath in my chest.  If you look at the picture you can see the little tube coming out.  I was worried about how I would adjust to having basically a ball and chain on my body - but it was not bad at all.  AND - I am NOT the first person to ever experience this!  I was told it could be noisy - but the noise is barely noticeable for which I am GRATEFUL!   It pumps every so often - the amount of medicine in my pack for the week was a little more than a cup - so that amount was spread out over the five days, pumping a sure, steady stream into my body. 

After my port was accessed (I had used the NUMBING CREAM and it wasn't bad) -  they just hooked me up and sent me on my way - down to RADIOLOGY where I had my first radiation treatment.  They laid me down on my stomach, pulled down my BRITCHES just a bit and BEAMED ME UP!!  I had the radiation treatments every day at 1 pm.  Friday I was scheduled at 3 pm - then went immediately back up to Oncology and got the pump OFF!   YAY - I have weekends free of any ATTACHMENTS - for that I am HUGELY GRATEFUL!  I actually did a few jumping jacks - ONLY because I felt FREE!!  My body adjusted fairly well - I felt some nausea - for which I have nausea pills.  I am so NOT a pill taker but I ended up taking two pills during the week.  I was able to maintain my normal schedule but by night time I was ready to hit the bed at about 8 - just on TOP - and only to watch TV.  Not to actually go to bed.  If I was tired I went to the computer room and laid down on the floor with a blanket in front of a little space heater and watched TV.  It must be some psychological thing with me - I CANNOT get in bed during the day - I don't want my bed to remind me of being sick. 

Monday night we decided to watch a movie.  My first day of treatment - couldn't find anything we wanted to watch on TV so I got propped up ON my bed and we went through our movie stash!  There are many still in their cellophane wrappings that we have never watched.  Out of ALL the movies we have - we decided to watch one we had never seen before - TERMS OF ENDEARMENT!   OKAY - like I said - we have NEVER seen it - we have had it for  years and unwrapped it and watched it.  Out of ALL the movies we could have chosen - we chose the one about a CANCER PATIENT - who DIES!  I chuckled because of the irony of the whole day!  I cried and cried and cried which launched me into a massive headache which by Tuesday was still there!  That scared me just a little because I had no clue whether it was from crying or the medicine!  By Wednesday morning it was gone - I chalked that up to CRYING! 

Throughout the week I handled the treatments very well.  I felt just a little nausea.  You are told to drink a lot because that will help flush the chemo out of the system.  I am NOT a drinker by any means - meaning I hate to even drink water.  By the end of the week Water is all I CAN drink.  There is just a small metalic taste you experience!  I am off DIET PEPSI which is probably a good thing - it just tastes WRONG!  I can drink orange juice - I tried lemonade and other drinks I like but they all taste YUCKY.  My body began to retain water and so I am a little PUFFY - actually that is a LIE - I am A LOT puffy!   I just keep on drinking water and sooner or later it will all flush out of my body.  This morning I CANNOT even shove my ring on!  I can't even use lotion to shove it on - it WILL NOT FIT for the first time in my married life - Oh well - It's just a RING!

As I lay on the radiation table I try to distract myself by letting my mind drift off to things that I find THERAPEUTIC.  I am looking forward to summer!  My FAVORITE season is FALL but  I do love summer.  I love mowing my lawns and taking care of my yard.  We live on a half acre of land with about 35 fruit trees.  The front yard takes me about a half hour to mow and the back takes almost an hour.  My children have asked why I don't hire someone but I NEVER will unless I think I am dying.  If and when the day comes I hire someone - just KNOW that I am on my way OUTTA HERE! 

One of my GOOD features happens to be my long legs.  During the summers I wear NOTHING but skirts and tops.  I love my skirts.   I have Business skirts, Church skirts and Casual skirts - ALL pencil skirts which are form fitting and come right to the knee.  One fun distraction that I find TOTALLY therapeutic  has been BROWSING on-line at FLORAL PENCIL SKIRTS!  I have about 25 in my currrent collection!  I have found some beautiful ones on-line to add to that  collection.  I was hoping to order a size smaller - Now I will wait until I finish this stuff to order my skirts.  I can't be PUFFY and order a size smaller!  It is just so FUN to actually find ones that I like!  I am so excited and cannot wait - not only to be finished with treatment - BUT to order my summer skirts!

It is very HEALTHY for EVERYONE to find a way to relax, rest and be restored.  It is HEALTHY to find something THERAPEUTIC - something that helps you fill up your tank so-to-speak and renew that strength within your own being - a renewal of your spirit.  Find that SOMETHING which will give you that peace and help you along this JOURNEY we call LIFE!  I am THANKFUL for great FRIENDS.  I am THANKFUL for my FAMILY!  I am THANKFUL for my SOUL MATE - who holds my hand along the way - each and every day.  I feel such GRATITUDE!   Please continue to pray for me and my family.  I HONESTLY feel your PRAYERS!  THANK YOU!  Love and Hugs to ALL.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  "Take Time to Think .. it is the source of Power.  Take Time to Read... It is the Fountain of Wisdom.  Take Time to Pray....It is the GREATEST POWER ON EARTH"