HAPPY ANNIVERSARY........

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY TO KERM TODAY!!  37 WONDERFUL years!  I can hardly believe it has been that long - the first 36 years seemed to FLY by - the last year has been PAINFULLY slow but there is still so much to be GRATEFUL for!
I am so THANKFUL today for my husband - Kerm Jackson, aka BUBBA!  I truly consider myself very BLESSED to be his wife and I also feel BLESSED that he is my husband.  He is a GREAT man - and has been an AMAZING husband.  There really are not words to express how I feel about him other than to say I truly love him!  He is a patient, kind and loving man.  He has truly supported me in all my endeavors and has encouraged me to FLY!  And fly I have!  I am so thankful for the loving support and tender loving care he has rendered in my behalf!

Tonight we will go to dinner and to an EARLY showing of Les Mis which is scheduled to come out Christmas Day!  I truly LOVE the story and I am excited for tonight - the movie starts at 9 pm!  This morning bright and early came the ring at the door with my beautiful flowers!  December 19th was such a magical day to get married - right before Christmas and I LOVE the day!  My wedding bouquet had pine boughs with red roses and red carnations and Karen J Florals made the bouquet today just as beautiful!  If you are ever in need of a truly AMAZING lady to do your florals - let me know and I will get you connected with her.  She does BEAUTIFUl work!!

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of tests and doctor visits and more test.  I had a pulmonary function test at Timpanogos Hospital last week with a High Resolution CT scan of my lungs at the Imaging Center at Central Utah Clinic.  I found out results yesterday and today.  I saw the pulmonologist yesterday - I have nodules in my lungs - and with the symptoms I have had the last six weeks it makes sense that it is the sarcoidosis.  That being said, because I HAD cancer - it makes them concerned for what possibly could be there.  I saw Dr. Bott my oncologist today.  Both physicians feel that the explanation of the nodules in the lungs is the diagnosis of sarcoidosis - especially since I had it before.  They cannot rule out cancer but that would be a second explanation.  Dr. Bott felt, with a fair amount of certainty, that the first explanation is in fact the correct one.  I have had scarring in my lungs for 29 years - I don't think  there is anything that has changed!    However, it is not clearly definitive - I have to see him again in three months and get new CT scans in four months and see the pulmonlogist.  I am praying hard that there will be no change and that I can just continue to live my life and get on with it.  I have FAITH and I feel that  ALL IS WELL.  I feel GREAT!   My blood counts are up today - I am no longer anemic.  I had a colonoscopy two weeks ago - the first since my cancer diagnosis November 30, 2011.  ALL WAS WELL and I don't have to do THAT again for two years.

So with this news I am truly GRATEFUL for TODAY!  I am GRATEFUL for my time on this EARTH!  I feel blessed to be here and to have the strength and energy as I did before any diagnoses!   I am going to live my life to the FULLEST and aid and help others in any way I can!  I have so much left to do on this earth and I am GRATEFUL for TIME to be able to do those things I find necessary and helpful.

Today I spent a few hours at Freedom Academy where grandchildren Simone and Lukas go to school.  I helped in Lukas' class to help make snow globes and I played the piano for the Christmas Carols.  How THANKFUL I am for my talents - for my ENERGY and for the fact that I can help in the classrooms once again as I did when my children were younger!  It was a WONDERFUL experience.  How I LOVE my grandchildren.  Simone, Lukas, Stella and Charlotte!  We are truly BLESSED.  They are BEAUTIFUL spirits and have so much to offer.  I am so GRATEFUL!

I am THANKFUL to be at the end of this year - So THANKFUL for my current health and the return of my energy!  It has been a long year but I have learned so much.  I will talk about some of the things I have learned in my next blog.  I am THANKFUL for energy to SHOP!!  It was almost ONE FULL YEAR with no shopping because I simply did not have the ENERGY or even the desire to go out and shop.  Now I dress up and feel like the ME of OLD and I just cannot begin to express the GRATITUDE!  Who would think that a little thing like SHOPPING would make such a difference???

Please continue to pray for me and my family.  We pray nightly for those who pray for us.  There is so much for ALL of us to be GRATEFUL for.  There are so MANY who need our prayers!  I love that we can ALL bear the burdens of one another and that we can help those in need.  ]

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  There is a scripture in Philippians in the Bible that in short says this:

"Do not be anxious about ANYTHING, but in EVERYTHING, by prayer and petition, with THANKSGIVING, present your requests to GOD.  And the peace of GOD, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Jesus Christ". 

So THANKFUL for my SAVIOR and the ability to present requests to GOD and for the answers and blessings I receive DAILY!

GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!   LOVE AND HUGS!!!!!!!!!

RESULTS...

I have had a very frustrating couple of weeks.. I am writing this today simply because so many of my friends are asking WHAT is going on!

 I started November 10th with LUMPS in my hips/thighs. These have spread to my ankles - arms, etc.  I have been to see several physicians.  I had a biopsy taken of one of the nodes on November 15th.  I was told my results would be back the 19-20th but that was not TRUE!   Results did not come back until Monday the 26th.  It confirmed what the dermatologist had suggested - that I had ERYTHEMA NODOSUM.

ERYTHEMA NODOSUM is an infectious/inflammatory process that usually manifests itself in the legs.  It usually is the alarm the body gives off saying there is some sort of process going on inside the body.  I saw a different dermatologist on Tuesday morning the 27th.  He was not willing to call this process SARCOIDOSIS - which was the first initial thinking.  I had blood work drawn that morning - they took about 6-7 vials.   CT scans were scheduled for Wednesday the 28th.  I drank a quart of contrast Tuesday evening and another quart before I got to imaging yesterday at 11 am.   Once I was there I was given an IV to accommodate the contrast they injected while I was in the scanning room.

Scans were taken basically of my entire torso.  Lungs, liver, spleen, aorta, kidneys, etc.  I received results of most of the blood work yesterday.  Most everything was normal but the sed-rate was very high which means - there is an infectious process going on inside my body!  NO KIDDING!!!

I called down this morning as I was told the results of the scans would be in the SYSTEM within 24 hours.  I was told the results - most all the scans are clear.  There are TWO lesions in my right lung.  The radiologist listed it as "metastatic lung cancer" but what you need to know is this - He DOES NOT KNOW that I have a process going on in my body.  Sarcoidosis also shows up looking the very same.  So I was referred immediately to the pulmonologist (lung doctor) at 2 pm this afternoon.  He read through all the results - saw my LEGS which are definitely red and LUMPY!  It looks like I have HUGE red bruises all over my legs - so on and so forth!  He is not willing to call it sarcoidosis.  He DOES NOT like contrast on the CT scans.  He was not willing to call it cancer.  When I was finished Dr. Bott called me who had been monitoring the visit with the pulmonologist.  Dr. Bott is the cancer specialist who has been following me.  He was watching as the notes were written by the pulmonologist.  He told me he wished he could tell me I was perfect but he cannot.  He said he felt however, as though I would be around in 20 years.  That was good news but ALL was way too much for me and I cried and cried.

This is the deal.  Needless to say - my colonoscopy was once again cancelled for tomorrow.  YAY - I need to get that now on the 6th of December.  On the 10th I  will have full pulmonary function tests.  On the 13th I will have a HIGH RESOLUTION CT SCAN once again - with NO CONTRAST of my lungs.  This pulmonologist did not like the contrast!  Everything looks white and he could not give a definitive diagnosis.  I will see the pulmonologist once again on the 18th and hopefully it will be clearly definitive.  This is what I need and this is what I am praying for.

I was able to read what the radiologist said - which immediately made me cry!  Dr. Bott says it is way too soon to have metastatic lung cancer.  With the infectious process going on it is a wait and see game. 

I am thinking positively.  Despite taking many different immune boosters, some recommended by lots of my friends, my immune system is STILLhighly compromised.  I am anemic - I though I had rebounded from that but NO - I am still really anemic so I will take supplements for that.  I have been very tired but I get up - get ready WITH my makeup every day, and I don't take NAPS!  I keep going and going until it is time for bed. 

I WANT TO BE NORMAL which makes me laugh out loud as I even write that because I AM NOT NORMAL!!  I don't even know what NORMAL is but I have always NOT BEEN NORMAL!  I don't even KNOW if there is NORMAL!  I just want to be well - healthy and move on with my life.  This is holding me up  - just for a LITTLE WHILE.  My friend Pres. Kenison said it is a small BUMP IN THE ROAD - If only he could SEE my bumps  HA HA  - I believe this to be true.  I can overcome this - I refuse to believe I have lung cancer and I am thiniking positively.  I  know positive thinking is HEALTHY.  I WANT TO BE  HEALTHY!  I have tried to get rid of any negative at all in my life.  I don't want to hang on to anything negative.  ALL positive for me!

So my friends - this is where I am tonight.  AND instead of clear liquids today Bubba is taking me to dinner tonight.  I NEED to get out and I am THANKFUL to be OUTTA HERE TONIGHT!!!

I would ask for continued prayers.  I need them.  I will also tell you this.  Yesterday as I laid on the table getting my CT scans - I had tears streaming down my face.  I felt very ALONE while lying there but I had a strong feeling that I was NOT ALONE!  That was the reason for my tears.   I KNOW I am being watched over.  Not just by ANGELS on this earth - but by ANGELS on the other side of the veil.  I KNOW IT - I FEEL IT and I TESTIFY OF IT!

I am GRATEFUL for so many things.  I am NOT excited about my path for the next few weeks - BUT I ALSO HAVE FAITH - I do not believe there is ANYONE who has more FAITH THAN I DO!  I also have lots of HOPE.  Today I felt that I had been knocked down but I am back up already.  You get knocked down and you keep getting back up again and again and again.  I am BACK UP!!  All six feet of me!!!  My SPIRIT will NOT  be crushed! 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  Those who have known a problem first hand are usually better able to help others walking through the same difficulty!  I am HERE for anyone who needs me.  I have tried to be positive and help those who are going through some of the same things I am.  I VOW to do that for the rest of my days.

"BRAVE YOUR STORM WITH FIRM ENDEAVOR
   LET YOUR VAIN REPININGS GO!
HOPEFUL HEARTS WILL FIND FOREVER
  ROSES UNDERNEATH THE SNOW"

Please continue to pray for me and my family.  We pray daily for those who pray for us.    LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL  - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!

SHORT LIVED PEACE....

I am sick....AGAIN! This is what I will tell you. I can handle this. I would rather, once again, have it be me who is sick, than wish this upon anyone else!! I would NOT wish this upon my worst enemy. I actually don't think I have any enemies but if I did, I still wouldn't wish it for anyone!!

I felt as though I was doing so well. October was a HEALING month!! I came into November really feeling on top of the world !

We traveled to Las Vegas two times in the last month to visit and watch my two nephews play football. Their team is in the playoffs and I love every minute of watching them! I want to tell you a little about them. Blake Frischknecht is the oldest son of my brother Kurt who passed away in 2002 in a car accident. Blake had just turned 7. He is a kicker. This is his first year playing football as a senior kicker. He has played soccer since his daddy started him in the sport at age 3-4. He is coming to BYU to play soccer BUT I think BYU could use a KICKER for their football team!  When he kicks the ball off his kicks fly through the other team's goal posts!  His field goals are easily 50 yards!   His papa would be SO PROUD!  Chance McCutcheon is also a senior. He is the son of Ricky who my sister-in-law married a few years after Kurt's death. I love Ric like a brother and that is how I regard him. As my brother! Chance is a linebacker who plays his heart out!! I love these two boys and I am proud of them..  Anyway. These boys are brothers and this is the very amazing thing about them. They were both born the same day!!! May 10, 1995!! Brothers from a different mother!!! I love it! I love them!!

Last Friday I started feeling a little pain at the top of my outer thighs right below my hips. I felt as if they were both bruised. Saturday the pain was worse but I still felt as though I had somehow bruised my legs. By Sunday evening I had these "lumps" all over my upper thighs. Kerm circled 26 of them. The nodules are about an inch in diameter, hot and very painful. Except the ones I first felt. They are each about three inches in diameter, hot and painful. It hurts to move! By Monday the number of nodes had doubled. I saw Dr Bott my oncologist. He suggested a biopsy. By Wednesday I had over 100 and today they have spread down both legs, onto my ankles and now on my arms.  These are painful nodules which are red and hot!

I saw the dermatologist yesterday who took a nodule out of my arm with about a two inch incision. The biopsy results will be back Monday or Tuesday. If you have taken me off your prayer list I BEG you to add my name again. GOSH! I am a sick girl. I pray for the lessor or the three evils which are
1) Lymphoma which is another form of cancer
2) A disease called Sarcoidosis which I had 29 years ago and hopefully is the more likely cause or
 3) What they call Valley Fever.

When my youngest child Kelsi turned one I became very ill.  I had these same horribly painful lumps in my legs and finally had to use crutches. Kerm would carry me to and from the car. It was a rough time because I had four children - the oldest was 6!!'. It was really really hard.  A physician suggested an x-ray of my lungs and after a lung biopsy the disease Sarcoidosis was diagnosed. I was put on hugely high doses of steroids and eventually regained my health. As I left the hospital the physician told me to expect to gain great amounts of weight!   I did gain 10 pounds but lost it after finishing the medications.  This disease never goes away but usually it doesn't resurface unless the immune system is compromised. Well - mine has been very comprosed over the past year.  I am however, praying I have that PARTICULAR disease.  I have dealt with it before.  Originally 29 years ago they thought I had lymphoma until the biopsy came back Sarcoidosis. You can google the disease and read all about it. At that time it was in my lungs and they are permanently scarred but the scarring has never hindered me.  It can affect your heart and be fatal. It can affect your brain, cause blindness and I just don't even want to go into more details.   It is rare for a Caucasian person to perish from this disease.  The comedian Bernie Mac died a year ago from Sarcoidosis.  I have a great deal of FAITH.  I have been given blessings and one must NEVER ever underestimate my FAITH!!

I decided today that next November we need to go away for the whole month! My trials have been coming in Novembers and I don't like that!

What I will tell you also is this... I am THANKFUL!! I am thankful for trials because I will attest they make a person stronger. I guess the Colon cancer wasn't enough! I obviously need to learn more. I am a fast learner so just let me get it over with!!! Needless to say my colonoscopy was cancelled today. I still have that to look forward to!!!

PLEASE pray for me. I will find out my fate Monday or Tuesday and move forward in FAITH overcoming this new trial!! I CAN do it. I can handle the pain. The nodules are spread all over my ankles this morning but I can still walk and do the things i need to do!! I can handle anything as long as I know what I am dealing with!! A dear friend suggested this is just another BUMP in the road for me.  I have great HOPE!!

So here I go again with this new stepping stone. I will hurdle this one and be good as new. I still look the same and no one will ever quelch my SPIRIT. I am filled with GRATITUDE!!

Thought For The Day: I have nothing more to say other than I can't wait to see my grand babies. Hopefully we get a sleepover this weekend. Hug your loved ones and be GRATEFUL.  ANGELS truly attend all of us - On BOTH sides of the veil and I TESTIFY that this is TRUTH.  I FEEL their presence!!

 GOD bless us EVERYONE!!! Love and Hugs!!!

ALMOST A YEAR.....

I have not updated my blog for over a month!  I have taken the time I need to heal - both physically and mentally and I have had many many occasions to ponder my last year!  October was very good to me for which I am truly THANKFUL!!

I have healed almost completely and feel as if I am back to nearly 100%!  I was doing fine until Friday when I started feeling pain on both sides of my hips at the top of the femur.  I felt as though I had bruises on both sides.  Sunday evening I began feeling all sorts of BUMPS on the back of my legs - mainly above the knee.  These are red and sore nodules and I had Kerm circle the ones I had Sunday evening - the count?   26 nodes!!!  Not GOOD!   I saw Dr. Bott yesterday and he does not know what they are.  He has referred me to a surgeon to biopsy these nodes to see just what they are.  Last night they were more painful and there were MORE!  I have some on my lower legs now!  We will get to the bottom of these and hopefully I  will continue on my path to being completely healed!

As I said earlier, I have had a lot of time to reflect on the past year! I canoot begin to say how GRATEFUL I am for those people who supported and who continue to support me. 

I will be perfectly honest.  At the beginning of this EXPERIENCE, if you will, I had NO EXPECTATIONS!   I really did not expect anything from anyone.  It became discouraging however when I realized I did need huge amounts of support!  A few friends who I thought would be supportive through thick and thin - who I thought I could depend on no matter what - were NOT there for me. There were COUNTLESS others who stepped up and WERE there for me for which I am so thankful!! Those same friends who were not there for me, on a regular basis, remind me of how busy and important they are!  I feel extremely sorry for these people.  I am so THANKFUL for my own knowledge of being here on this earth to aid others.  That has been the story of my life!!  The bottom line here is that I don't care who you are - NO ONE is that busy or important!! I could NOT depend on those folks during the very most DIFFICULT year of my life, a time when I needed huge amounts of support and it was simply not there for me.  Like I said, I try not to judge as that is not my job.    HOWEVER - and this is a BIG however, I did realize who I COULD count on and I stayed focused on  those people and being POSITIVE because that is HEALTHY!!!! I needed to be positive in order to get better!!!

I promised I would be HONEST and you just got a dose of my HONESTY!!

Thursday I will have a colonoscopy and I'll be honest again!!! I am not exited. It brings back memories that I would rather just forget. That means today is my last eating day until after the colonoscopy. My choice for dinner will be Red Lobster. Tomorrow is a clear liquid day and then in the afternoon I have to drink that NASTY stuff AGAIN!!! Ugh!!

The one PERK if you will, of colon cancer -  and the surgery involved has been a 25 pound weight loss. TRUST ME - This is NOT something you  would ever want!   However, I  can eat whatever I want - and I will not ever gain weight again!  I am truly GRATEFUL to be alive and I am truly looking forward to this Holiday Season!  Last year was a BUMMER!! Literally!!

On December 14th I will have the six month scans of my liver, lungs and abdomen. I PRAY that those scans will be clear!  I cannot wait to truly enjoy the rest of the year with peace of mind!!

I have enjoyed the presence of my grandchildren. I LOVE them to the moon and back. It is such a tremendous joy to have them in our home! Simone, Lukas, Stella and Charlotte! The TRUE Lights in my life!! They are beautiful, loving and very smart!! They are growing into WONDERFUL human beings!  I  am thankful to Kami and Kelsi for letting us enjoy their children!!

During the last week I have basically redone our home! I have gone through EVERYTHING! I have cleaned out closets and drawers. I have moved furniture around and incorporated new. My house feels brand new and I am excited to have a brand new year and move on with my life!!!

Thank you to my supporters! Thank you for the prayers in my behalf and in behalf of my family! I still need those prayers. Thank you for the visits and the encouragement!! I am GRATEFUL! I have SO MUCH to be THANKFUL for this year!! It is very humbling!! Most of all THANK YOU to my husband. It brings me to tears to think about the support he has been to me!! Unbelievable!!!  I have learned SO MUCH!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  One of my favorite sayings ....
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other"

"When your nights are filled with loneliness and your days are dark with discouragement - when you can't seem to read or pray or to do anything else - just sit still..  and let GOD love you". 

Thank you AGAIN for thoughts and prayers....  Love and Hugs!

THREE WEEKS POST SURGERY....

I haven't written since my second surgery. I have had an interesting three weeks. I have truly been blessed with so much. It is hard to express my feelings with mere words. I am GRATEFUL and I am BLESSED.

I mowed the front lawn today! First time since the second surgery. I feel good enough to do the back however I don't want to overdo it. The back takes twice as long as the front and Kerm ended up doing that.

I saw my surgeon on August 30th. I was very shocked when he suggested surgery the next day. At first I said OK. When I got home I called and told them I felt like it was all happening too fast. I suggested that we stick with the September schedule at which time I was informed that the September spot had already been filled and now we were looking at sometime in October. Well there was my answer. I hurried and got the house cleaned, did all the laundry and prepared for surgery the next morning - Friday August 31st.  My daughter Kamie made sure to call the hospital and hand picked once again the anesthesiologist and nurses who would be in the surgery with me.  I am so THANKFUL for her and for the HUGE help she has been through all of this.  Even though she is FAR AWAY in Ohio, we speak often and it doesn't feel so far. 

The surgery went very well. They reconnected everything and took out the port in my chest. Can I tell you how good it feels to have that thing gone???? Oh my gosh! I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly awful those four months were!!! The second surgery lasted an hour and a half and I recovered quickly.  Once again Kerm stayed with me the whole time.  Friday morning August 31st was the surgery.  We were there Saturday, Sunday, Monday (LABOR DAY) and came home on Tuesday.  The first week is a huge blur.   I know it took some time to readjust but  I have adjusted quicker than normal and I am extremely GRATEFUL.  I will see the surgeon again Thursday the 27th for my last follow up and the oncologist October 1st.  I am assuming he  will order scans and then I will have to do scans every six months or so.  I assume I an CANCER-FREE!   That is my hope and my prayer.

This last week I redid my computer room.  It was the last room in my house to have WALLPAPER in it.  I stripped the wall paper, painted, redid the curtains and got some new furniture.  It feels SO GREAT to be ALMOST normal and to  have the energy and strength that I lacked for so many months BACK!   Again - such great BLESSINGS.  I am THANKFUL!

We have Simone,Lukas and Stella staying over night tonight (Saturday).  These children indeed are the LIGHTS of my LIFE!   We went to the Mellor Ranch in Lehi today and visited with John and Kelsi and baby Charlotte.  I was able to snap a picture of ALL FOUR of my grandchildren!   They are delightful, fun, beautiful and a JOY to be with!!  We feek  so BLESSED to  be able to spend time with them all! 

I am gaining MUCH strength and energy.  I am able to do the things I USED to do.  I  feel a lot like the OLD me but I will never be the same again.  I have learned so much - I have been through so much and I have enjoyed many many BLESSINGS.  I truly  have had ANGELS attend me and CONTINUE to have Angels who attend me.  I am so THANKFUL.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:     MAY YOU HAVE.....
Enough happiness to keep you SWEET!
Enough trials to keep you STRONG!
Enough sorrow to keep you HUMAN!
Enough hope to keep you HAPPY!
Enough failure to keep you HUMBLE!
Enough success to  keep you EAGER!
Enough friends to give you COMFORT!
Enough wealth to meet your NEEDS!
Enough enthusiasm to look FORWARD!
Enough faith to banis DEPRESSION!
Enough determination to make each day better than YESTERDAY!

THANK YOU SO MUCH for your PRAYERS, FAITH in my behalf and KIND THOUGHTS and ACTIONS.  Please keep praying.  We pray for all those who pray for US! 

I am THANKFUL!   GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!   LOVE AND HUGS!!!!

GOOD NEWS DAY....

37 years ago today, August 28, 1975, Kerm Jackson asked me to marry him!! (It was just six weeks after his FORMER roommate had asked me to Marry Him)    Hard to believe how fast time has passed!  It has been an amazing ride.  Not always easy, but a huge learning experience.  I wouldn't trade all the ups and downs for all the rice in China!!   I LOVE HIM to the MOON and back!   Together we have created Eternal Memories!  I am THANKFUL!

FALL is in the air!! We spent some time Sunday at the Sundance cabin. If you look closely in the background you will see the start of the beautiful color changes announcing the arrival of my FAVORITE season! Gives me great HOPE!! Provo Canyon is changing and the colors are beautiful!!

Monday at 10:30 was the BIG appointment where Decisions were made. Since last week when my white blood count had fallen "in the toilet" at. 1.8 and absolute neutrophils were .63 I was actually a little SCARED!! I was told to wear a mask and stay away from people. Now I have been known to be SLIGHTLY rebellious. Those who truly know me know that YES -  this is true!!. NO mask for me and I went wherever I wanted to! 

I also had ALOT of people praying for me. I got a Facebook inbox from a friend in California. He said "even though we haven't met, I have been following your blog and I want you to know I'm praying for you". I am so THANKFUL for ALL of you who have been praying for me. Don't quit YET!! I still NEED you ALL!!

Monday my white count was back to 7.3. Huge upswing! Absolute neutrophils were 5.5. Actually on the high side. Such a huge BLESSING!! Dr Bott could not explain the counts which were run twice just to be sure last week. Could only attribute them to the chemo!! I BELIEVE in prayers! Thank you!!

I saw the urologist on Thursday the 23rd. My symptoms are NOT yet resolved. So Monday after much discussion Dr. Bott determined I was FINISHED with that NASTY chemo. After last week I had come to that decision myself and I truly felt that there was a reason for those low counts that confirmed my decision!!. Monday there were great discussions and agreements! I did not even have to beg. He immediately called Dr. Sklow at the Huntsman Cancer Center and surgery to reconnect is scheduled for Monday September 10th!! I am THRILLED!! Of course I want to do what is BEST but Dr. Bott has witnessed the suffering.  I

I know I am not the only person to have suffered with chemotherapy. However he told me in 30 years he has not seen anyone so incredibly sensitive to the chemo. Of course that would have to be ME!! The urologist said he sees my symptoms mainly in pediatric patients because they are so sensitive. I can only imagine if it affected me so much on the outside it had to kill any remaining cells. It has nearly killed ME !!'

We are moving quickly towards a more PLANT BASED diet.  I have a DVD sent by a friend which talks about better health with just a little diet change.  I don't think we have had a BAD diet  as we have both maintained our weight for 37 years!  I just think that we will try some of the alternative stuff we have been introduced to.  I don't think any of it will HURT! The fact is this - ANIMAL PROTEIN actually acts as a FERTILIZER for cancer cells.  I have never eaten a lot of red meat but we are adjusting our diets and I guess only time will tell!!  I will help anyone with this any day.  There are a lot of people who are NOT healthy.  I felt that I was extremely healthy - until November 30, 2011. 

So FINISHED I am!!  I did my BEST and endured the treatments as much as I could and I feel entirely at PEACE with the decisions made!  I got  up every day -  always put on my makeup, always did the normal activities of daily living - mowed the front lawn as much as I could and joked and laughed.   I feel that I have handled this CHALLENGE with COURAGE, GRACE and DIGNITY!!  I have tried NOT to complain.  Once I am able to mow BOTH front and back you will know I am BACK TO MY OLD NEW SELF!!  Our grandkids taught us a very SILLY game but we LOVE it!  Perhaps you have played BINGO!  When you see a yellow vehicle you call out BINGO!  We have had many many laughs over this game!  Bubba and I play every day.  I can usually beat the socks off of him but on occasion he will win.  Yellow Jeeps are worth more points - we just are keenly aware of ANY yellow vehicles!  CRAZY OLD PEOPLE!!!

I am anxious to get back to a NEW normal life.  Bubba and I even took a spin today on the bicycle built for two!  He was the one who got winded FIRST!  I cannot wait to recover and to go about my BUSINESS again!  YAY HOORAY!!

I cannot begin to express my Gratitude to my Heavenly Father for seeing me through these last few months.  I remember getting through June and wondering how in the world would I make it through those LONG HOT MONTHS OF JULY AND AUGUST!   Well here we are!  August 28th!  The month is almost finished.  September 10th will be my surgery and I will get back to normal.  I originally thought I wouldn;t be a candidate for that surgery until the October/November time frame so I am THRILLED!   I will have scans every six months to make sure all is well.  My last scan was June so in November it will be time for another.

I cannot begin to express my GRATITUDE to my MANY friends who have prayed for me and continue to pray for me.  I am not really finished - just with what I consider the BAD part!.  I still have a ways to go but I am getting stronger and will surely be better before TOO LONG!  Thanks to those in my family who CARE - who have kept up with my progress and have been in touch with Me!  Especially to my GIRLS - Kamie, Kelsi and Kami!  They have offered much support and they are amazing women and I love them to pieces.  Of couse I love the boys too and I too am thankful for them.  I am TRULY THANKFUL for my grandchildren who have been great distractions during this summer.  How THANKFUL I am for the time we get to spend with them.  Those times are PRICELESS!!  I am most THANKFUL and GRATEFUL for BUBBA!  He has been by my side the WHOLE TIME.  He has done his work from home and has been here to encourage and support me every step of the way.  Please continue to pray for me and my family.  Again I say to you - we pray for those who pray for US!!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  "Whether Seventy or Sixteen, There is in Every Being's Heart the Love of Wonder, The Sweet Amazement at the Stars and the Starlike Things and Thoughts, the Undaunted Challenge of Events, The Unfailing Childlike Appetite For What is Next and the JOY in the Game of Life"!!!

I am Joyfully looking forward to the Next Stage in my Life - The Next CHALLENGE.  I know there will be more and I am better equipped more than EVER to face what may come my Way!  \

Once Again - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!!   Love and Hugs from Me to YOU!!

Summer Staycation

This has been a summer I NEVER want to repeat!! We have been on STAYCATION - meaning - a walk around the block, watering plants in the yard - mowing SOME - canning peaches- etc. etc.  I would rather be at some of my favorite vacation spots - Jackson Hole - Lake Tahoe - Las Vegas - San Diego, just to mention a FEW!  I LOVE seeing the pictures people post on facebook of their favorite spots.  We do get to Sundance for dinner quite often which FEELS like a vacation! I don't even mind cleaning the cabin because of the absolute beauty at Sundance. 

I went to the doctor yesterday.- and they tell me I am a SICK GIRL!  HELLO - no kidding!  To be honest, I went for my appointment at 10 am with Dr. Bott to tell him I was going to be through with chemo because of the side effects I have that are NOT going away.  When you first go in they take your blood through the port in the chest.  They were ACTUALLY able to access it yesterday.  I attribute this to PRAYERS in my behalf!  I last had chemo July 30th which went on for three days.  The pump was taken off Wednesday August 1st - so it has been three weeks.  Last week they delayed treatment #5 because of my side effects which are still side effects!  I had made my decision to be finished simply because I do not want this to be permanent.  AND I know they say it is just a minute in time  - go for the long term but there has to be a QUALITY of living!  Every possible side effect that I have read about - I have had with this treatment.  I did much better in the spring with the chemo and radiation with the exception of the severe burning.

My discussion with Dr. Bott was lengthy.  My friend Marjorie passed away last Thursday and yesterday at 11 am was her funeral which I was dressed for and ready to attend.  I didn't make it and it made me sad.  I sat by her bedside last Tuesday and basically said my final goodbyes.  I told her I loved her and she was able to voice that in return. 

After going back and forth with Bubba involved in the conversation I asked Dr. Bott to look at the results of my blood work.  Last week the counts were low but good enough for more treatment.  So without having had chemo for three weeks - he was SHOCKED.  He said my counts had fallen to the TOILET!  Meaning - they are extremely low.  Last week my white blood count was 3.34 with normal being 4.5 - 11..0.   They are concerned about the absolute neutrophils specifically also.  I mean all the counts are low but last week the absolute neutrophils were 2.21 normal being 2.2 - 4.8.  So basically just low.  Yesterday my white blood count had dropped to 1.80.  The absolutely neutrophils had dropped to .63.  When the doctor saw that he said "You are a Sick Girl".  Even if you consented today we cannot give you treatment.  I had no idea the counts had dropped so low.  I have been tired but I have pushed myself because if you don't push yourself through this you might as well lay down and die.  Well GOSH - I guess I am CLOSE!

He advised staying away from PEOPLE!!!  I LOVE people!   They also advised a MASK!!  Well I am at home, I can walk around the block, I can walk in the yard and at least water the FEW plants I planted this year.  I did get some tomatos in and some squash and pumpkins before my surgery.  The garden is FULL of weeds but who cares?  Next year will be different - At least I am hoping and praying for a GREAT next year!

My decision is made.  Because my body is so sensitive to the treatment, perhaps I received enough in four treatments that most people get with eight.  I am finished.  My goal now is to get stronger because four weeks after the last chemo technically I could have surgery to reverse everything and be back to normal.  With counts like that - there is NO WAY.  I have to boost my immune system.  I have had SEVERAL people give me some thoughts and ideas and I welcome ALL.  My friends Craig and Nancy have given me some information which I am going to try.  My cousin's son Wyatt gave some information that could be helpful.  I am open and willing for ALL discussions.. I NEED and WANT to be better.  The chemotherapy has been very detrimental and I was willing to give it a shot because I want to be Cancer-free.  I feel deep down inside that that has happened.  I also knew deep down inside that I HAD it!  That is a story for another day.

So I will try to take it easy.  I still get up and get dressed with make up on because I feel lazy if I don't.  I am USED to working hard.  It is the HARDEST thing NOT to be able to do that.  There are certain things that I can do with a little rest in between and I just need to get STRONGER.  The lights of my life are my children and GRANDCHILDREN!!  HOW I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.  I NEED to be here for them and that is my goal.  We took Simone, Lukas and Stella to Church with us Sunday.  They are simply delightful and brilliant and beautiful.  We then were invited to Kelsi's for dinner and my only regreat is NOT taking a picture of Charlotte with the other three.  I will have to get that picture.

I am THANKFUL for another day on Earth.  I have work enough to do till the sun goes down!!  Each and every day.  I feel BLESSED.  I guess I am sick.  Besides being a little tired I thought I was OK.  I will work HARD to get back to my OLD self - of course the NEW OLD SELF! 

I could not do this without the support that I have received.  I am THANKFUL for ALL of you who offer comments - who pray for me - who do acts of service for me.  That is MY goal - I still serve each and every day.  Just not like I am used to doing.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue to pray for me and my family.  WE need it.  Again - I return that favor by praying each and every day for all those praying for ME!!  I BELIEVE in Prayers.  I BELIEVE in Angels and I know I am being watched over and taken care of.  THANK YOU.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  "Our DUTY is NOT to see THROUGH One Another - But to See One Another THROUGH".  Thank you for helping to carry MY burden.   I need you ALL!  I am here for anyone who needs help with their own burdens.   

Once again I say - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!  Love and Hugs!!!