GETTING BACK TO NORMAL?????

This has been a GREAT WEEK! I am so THANKFUL for returning energy and feeling A LOT like MY OLD SELF once again! I was THANKFUL to get out and mow the lawns and while doing so Bubba decided he would get a “BUTT “ shot! Doing yard work is EXTREMELY therapeutic for me and I am THANKFUL to be able to get out and WORK again! With the rain this week everything is getting so GREEN! The peach, plum and cherry trees are ALL in bloom. The apple trees are getting their leaves and I see HUNDREDS of blossoms. Between now and May 15th we keep our fingers crossed for warm nights with hopefully NO freezing! This is such a BEAUTIFUL time of year! I am so THANKFUL for SMALL things!

We had Simone, Lukas and Stella here a couple of times this last week and one night it was warm enough to do an outdoor dinner roasting hot dogs, etc. We love to play soccer, baseball and TAG on the trampoline. The tag game we play is with one person "IT". The two who are NOT "IT" hang on my shirt tails as I run around and around and around. They are basically flying around the outside circumference of the trampoline. The "IT" person CANNOT cut through the middle. They have to run to catch up with me. I am like a WORK HORSE - I run and run and run as fast as I can! Ha Ha - they have a hard time catching up with me but honestly - by the end I drop completely exhausted! I felt the pain in my calves the next day and not only that - it took a FEW days to recuperate!

I am feeling more energetic as each day comes a long. I am quite frankly surprised that it has taken my body four weeks to feel a little better. With surgery scheduled now in four weeks I am hoping to get stronger and stronger so I am at the TOP OF MY GAME by May 11th!! I still have a little burning pain so I called to the oncologist’s office Friday and was ONCE AGAIN reminded it can take up to two months to go away. This is the FIRST time in my life that I do not feel I have control over my body. We are taking bike rides every day and I am staying active and busy. I am getting to know my body ALL OVER AGAIN which is a really hard concept for me. I used to know what to and what not to eat, drink, etc. and felt very confident that I knew how my body would react. NOT SO any more. I think this is my biggest FRUSTRATION. With that being said however, I am THANKFUL to be ALIVE!

We are looking forward to heading to Las Vegas this weekend for a little rest and relaxation! I cannot wait to sit by the pool and bask in the warm sunshine. Saturday evening we will see Garth Brooks at the Wynn. I am excited to get away and feel kinda NORMAL again! I am truly looking forward to a little change of scenery!

I am THANKFUL for so many things – for so many people and for my return to a pretty good state of health. I am NOT looking forward to my surgery but I want to get it all taken care of so I can be cancer-free and back to doing what I do best! Taking care of OTHER people! Please continue to pray for me and my family. I feel the prayers and I need the prayers. As we get closer to the surgery date I will ask you to also pray for my surgeon – so that he will be able to take care of me and make the best decisions in my behalf.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: “Amazing isn’t it how some people see the basket half empty and others see it half full. Some see life hopeless; others HOPEFUL! Even when things are less than perfect, if you can think of the GOOD, the BEAUTIFUL, the HOPEFUL, you’ll be more than sustained! You will CONQUER!”.

I know I will CONQUER the things I have to conquer! I am HOPEFUL! I am THANKFUL.

LOVE and HUGS to ALL!!

MY DAY AT THE HUNTSMAN CANCER INSTITUTE.........

I had an appointment today with Dr. Sklow, my surgeon at the Huntsman Cancer Institute.  I had a hard time sleeping - this has pretty much been a sleepless week after awaiting the birth of our Little Miss Charlotte Tuesday morning.  I was full of anxiety as we approached the Center and I was THANKFUL for my driver - BUBBA of course!   I actually like going there and I know that is slightly WEIRD!  Cancer patients drive up the circle drive - which is appropriately called the CIRCLE OF HOPE - and just step out.  One of several valets handles the car from there and once you are finished it takes only a couple of minutes for them to retrieve it.  I consider this a great service provided by HUNTSMAN CANCER INSTITUTE and it makes me smile each time we drive up!

This was my first follow up with Dr. Sklow since finishing the chemo and radiation and I was very HOPEFUL that everything would go well.  I promised I would be FRANKLY HONEST on this blog and so I continue with my honesty. This is one of the reason I decided to outline my story. 

Rectal sonograms are NOT fun.  It is certainly NOT something you would want to add to your list of THINGS TO DO!!!!! Today I was prepared for the sonogram but ended up not having to have one.  Instead I got the SCOPE!  I am four weeks post treatment and remember I had SEVERE burning from the radiation.  It has not completely healed internally so I felt a little pain - NOT BAD!  The first word I heard was OUTSTANDING!  At that minute my body just basically relaxed and I  heaved a HUGE sigh of RELIEF!  I am so THANKFUL.  The tumor is now merely a small ulcer - less than half the size of a dime and will continue to shrink for the next four weeks.  Meaning - it will basically be GONE!  We went back to the room where Kerm was waiting and discussed Dr. Sklow's plan for ME!

More HONESTY for which I am NOT thrilled.  I will have surgery Friday May 11th.  The surgery will take approximately EIGHT hours and upon hearing that it took me a minute to catch my breath!  I guess the GOOD THING is I won't know it!  My daughter Kamie will fly from Ohio.  She worked with Dr. Sklow when she worked in the OR at the U of U.  That means all my children will be here with Bubba and I am THANKFUL for that!  Dr. Sklow will resect the area where the cancer has been.  He will reconnect everything BUT - this is the part I am trying to wrap my mind around tonight - I will have a temporary ileostomy for SIX MONTHS!  Yes folks - that is a BAG.  Once I finish wrapping my brain around this I will be FINE - just give me overnight AND it will old news!  I would rather have a BAG for life if it means I can LIVE.  This is just for six months and I can handle it!  I CHOOSE to LIVE! 

I will do what the doctor suggests.  I have complete trust in him and he is the specialist.  I decided early on I would tell it like it is rather than hiding anything.  I feel that people need to know what I will go through and what other cancer patients have to endure.  It is not always pretty by any means but it is real and it is TRUE!  These are REAL STATISTICS put out by the Huntsman Cancer Institute.  One out of every three women and one out of every two men will have cancer.  This disease will affect all families at one time or another. 

On the original rectal sonogram there was no cancer detected in any lymph nodes.  All the nodes will be taken out during surgery.  Depending on IF they find  cancer in any nodes will depend on whether I need more chemo and HOW MUCH!  At least I will NOT have more radiation! 

GOSH!!!!!!

I will be in the hospital in Salt Lake at least ONE WEEK!!!  I am sure when I finish - just like chemo and radiation - It will be a BIG BLUR!   There is ONLY ONE GOOD THING I CAN THINK OF - I will lose lots of weight!!   HA HA  -  LIKE I CARE!!   ALSO - at the Huntsman you can order food all night long supposedly!  I certainly hope that at the END of that week I will feel like ordering it.  They told me today that even if I wanted a smoothie at 3 in the morning they would bring it to me.  Well I hope that at 3 in the morning each day I will be ASLEEP!!!

Today has been a GREAT DAY!  I am THANKFUL for SHRINKAGE.  I am THANKFUL for modern medicine.  I am THANKFUL for my husband and my children and my grandchildren!  I am THANKFUL for all of YOU - my family and friends who have prayed and CONTINUE to pray for me.  It is extremely HUMBLING! 

This is also a day of STARK REALIZATION!  Cancer is NOT something I planned in my life - no one does!   I am NOT HAPPY with my plan but I know it is necessary for my CURE!  I WILL BE a survivor.  I will continue to FIGHT.  I have a great ATTITUDE!  I feel that ATTITUDE is half of the DANG BATTLE!  I have remained active.  I have continued with the cleaning and laundry and everything I have ALWAYS done!  I am ready to start taking bike rides again.  I just started a new business.  I feel it is of utmost importance to not give in to this NASTY disease!  I will FIGHT HARD!

Tonight I am once again EXHAUSTED!  I am THANKFUL and I am HUMBLED!  We went to dinner at Riverwoods - to SHOOTS - after what I went through today I felt I not only EARNED it - I DESERVED it!!  I have a STACK of thank you cards which have been sitting on my counter for WEEKS.  I am so overwhelmed I do not know where to begin.  Please know I am THANKFUL.  I am BLESSED to have people all over the world praying for ME!  My FRIENDS!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  "The True Gospel of Jesus Christ never led to Bigotry.  It never led to Self-Righteousness.  It never led to Arrogance.  The True Gospel of Jesus Christ leads to Brotherhood, to Friendship, to Appreciation of others, to Respect and Kindness and Love".  Gordon B. Hinckley

Thank you to ALL my FRIENDS!   Love and Hugs!

WELCOME LITTLE DIAMOND PRINCESS - LITTLE MISS CHARLOTTE MELLOR!

We were very humbled this morning, April 3rd at 5:47 am with the birth of our DIAMOND PRINCESS - LITTLE MISS CHARLOTTE MELLOR!  She was due on March 24th but she definitely has a mind of her OWN!  She came when she was ready!  With an April Birthday her birthstone is the DIAMOND - Hence the DIAMOND PRINCESS!  Kelsi started labor Sunday evening at around midnight.  It was a very LONG and HARD 30 hour labor!  I am THANKFUL Kelsi endured well and was able to deliver Charlotte this morning.  With John at her side they welcomed this little precious bundle from HEAVEN!  Kerm and I went to St. Mark's Hospital in Salt Lake City this afternoon and held that precious girl in our arms.  She is PERFECT.  She is BEAUTIFUL - just like her mama with a perfect little nose and beautiful lips!  Kelsi is exhausted.  We are THANKFUL!

Kelsi is MY BABY - the last of four children.  She showed great strength and determination and I am so proud of her!  She is a real TROOPER!  These pictures are from her modeling years.  Kelsi graced the cover of many a magazine and traveled the world with her modeling career.  She had a fashion career - Earned her Private Pilot License which scared the HECK out of me - and became a Medical Assistant.  She is now happy being a wife and NEW MAMA and taking care of the horses, chickens and SUCH on the FARM!  I am so proud of you KELSI!  I love you to pieces! 

Sunday evening Simone, Lukas and Stella came with some cute Easter Cupcakes they helped their mama make. The cupcakes were delicious.  Oh my goodness - the JOY to see these babies at my door.  I love them to the MOON and BACK!  They are excited to meet their new cousin! 

I will see my surgeon Thursday.  My burns are basically healed.  I still feel a tiny bit of burning pain but I know this will go away soon.  I will find out the status of my cancer Thursday because I will be prepared to do the sonogram to see how the tumor responded to the chemo and radiation.  I had blood work done last Monday.  Everyone has what is called CARCINOEMBRYONIC ANTIGEN in their blood.  Whether you have cancer or not - the antigen is there.  Normal is 0-5.  When I was first tested in December my CEA was 3.57, which was well within the normal range.  Last Monday the test came back at 1.27 which had dropped significantly.  This gives me hope that the tumor HAS responded to the treatment.  If I had so much damage caused on the outside, I can only imagine what happened on the inside where the radiation was directed.  I am HOPEFUL.  I am praying hard that it will either be gone or just a SPECK!  As least I have FAITH!  

Depending on what the surgeon finds Thursday, surgery will be scheduled for the week of April 23rd - whatever his surgery day is.  I have been given scenarios of what COULD happen, most of which I do NOT like!  I will follow their suggestions however, as I CHOOSE to LIVE!  I still look in the mirror and have to tell myself I am a CANCER PATIENT!  It used to sound YUCKY!  Now it is just matter-of-fact.  I am a CANCER PATIENT!  I WILL be cured!  I look forward to getting ER done!

I am so excited for the Springtime temperatures we are experiencing in Utah!  Saturday I was able to spread the fertilizer on front and back lawns - which nearly did me IN!  I was huffing and puffing and actually laughed at myself because my energy levels are NOT back to normal.  I had to rest FOUR times!  I can usually mow both lawns in an hour and a half with only stopping to go from front to back!   I feel that most of me is back to normal - just not quite my energy!   

I cannot begin to express my THANKFULNESS today.  We have a beautiful, healthy baby who is truly a Gift from God!  My family has truly been BLESSED the last few months.  It has been a trying time, a hard time and a time I am happy to forget but we have been showered with BLESSINGS!  I am GRATEFUL!

Please continue to pray for me and my family.  I have felt your prayers - I believe in PRAYER and I am truly humbled. 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  TRIBUTE TO KELSI AND CHARLOTTE

"Little Golden Girl of Mine ,

Rosy Cheeks and Eyes that Shine;

Golden Sunlight on Your Hair,

Elfin Grace Beyond Compare.

Lilting Laughter on Your Lips,

Magic in your Finger Tips;

A Pixie Creature half Divine, 

I'm so Glad God Made you MINE!