GOOD NEWS DAY....

37 years ago today, August 28, 1975, Kerm Jackson asked me to marry him!! (It was just six weeks after his FORMER roommate had asked me to Marry Him)    Hard to believe how fast time has passed!  It has been an amazing ride.  Not always easy, but a huge learning experience.  I wouldn't trade all the ups and downs for all the rice in China!!   I LOVE HIM to the MOON and back!   Together we have created Eternal Memories!  I am THANKFUL!

FALL is in the air!! We spent some time Sunday at the Sundance cabin. If you look closely in the background you will see the start of the beautiful color changes announcing the arrival of my FAVORITE season! Gives me great HOPE!! Provo Canyon is changing and the colors are beautiful!!

Monday at 10:30 was the BIG appointment where Decisions were made. Since last week when my white blood count had fallen "in the toilet" at. 1.8 and absolute neutrophils were .63 I was actually a little SCARED!! I was told to wear a mask and stay away from people. Now I have been known to be SLIGHTLY rebellious. Those who truly know me know that YES -  this is true!!. NO mask for me and I went wherever I wanted to! 

I also had ALOT of people praying for me. I got a Facebook inbox from a friend in California. He said "even though we haven't met, I have been following your blog and I want you to know I'm praying for you". I am so THANKFUL for ALL of you who have been praying for me. Don't quit YET!! I still NEED you ALL!!

Monday my white count was back to 7.3. Huge upswing! Absolute neutrophils were 5.5. Actually on the high side. Such a huge BLESSING!! Dr Bott could not explain the counts which were run twice just to be sure last week. Could only attribute them to the chemo!! I BELIEVE in prayers! Thank you!!

I saw the urologist on Thursday the 23rd. My symptoms are NOT yet resolved. So Monday after much discussion Dr. Bott determined I was FINISHED with that NASTY chemo. After last week I had come to that decision myself and I truly felt that there was a reason for those low counts that confirmed my decision!!. Monday there were great discussions and agreements! I did not even have to beg. He immediately called Dr. Sklow at the Huntsman Cancer Center and surgery to reconnect is scheduled for Monday September 10th!! I am THRILLED!! Of course I want to do what is BEST but Dr. Bott has witnessed the suffering.  I

I know I am not the only person to have suffered with chemotherapy. However he told me in 30 years he has not seen anyone so incredibly sensitive to the chemo. Of course that would have to be ME!! The urologist said he sees my symptoms mainly in pediatric patients because they are so sensitive. I can only imagine if it affected me so much on the outside it had to kill any remaining cells. It has nearly killed ME !!'

We are moving quickly towards a more PLANT BASED diet.  I have a DVD sent by a friend which talks about better health with just a little diet change.  I don't think we have had a BAD diet  as we have both maintained our weight for 37 years!  I just think that we will try some of the alternative stuff we have been introduced to.  I don't think any of it will HURT! The fact is this - ANIMAL PROTEIN actually acts as a FERTILIZER for cancer cells.  I have never eaten a lot of red meat but we are adjusting our diets and I guess only time will tell!!  I will help anyone with this any day.  There are a lot of people who are NOT healthy.  I felt that I was extremely healthy - until November 30, 2011. 

So FINISHED I am!!  I did my BEST and endured the treatments as much as I could and I feel entirely at PEACE with the decisions made!  I got  up every day -  always put on my makeup, always did the normal activities of daily living - mowed the front lawn as much as I could and joked and laughed.   I feel that I have handled this CHALLENGE with COURAGE, GRACE and DIGNITY!!  I have tried NOT to complain.  Once I am able to mow BOTH front and back you will know I am BACK TO MY OLD NEW SELF!!  Our grandkids taught us a very SILLY game but we LOVE it!  Perhaps you have played BINGO!  When you see a yellow vehicle you call out BINGO!  We have had many many laughs over this game!  Bubba and I play every day.  I can usually beat the socks off of him but on occasion he will win.  Yellow Jeeps are worth more points - we just are keenly aware of ANY yellow vehicles!  CRAZY OLD PEOPLE!!!

I am anxious to get back to a NEW normal life.  Bubba and I even took a spin today on the bicycle built for two!  He was the one who got winded FIRST!  I cannot wait to recover and to go about my BUSINESS again!  YAY HOORAY!!

I cannot begin to express my Gratitude to my Heavenly Father for seeing me through these last few months.  I remember getting through June and wondering how in the world would I make it through those LONG HOT MONTHS OF JULY AND AUGUST!   Well here we are!  August 28th!  The month is almost finished.  September 10th will be my surgery and I will get back to normal.  I originally thought I wouldn;t be a candidate for that surgery until the October/November time frame so I am THRILLED!   I will have scans every six months to make sure all is well.  My last scan was June so in November it will be time for another.

I cannot begin to express my GRATITUDE to my MANY friends who have prayed for me and continue to pray for me.  I am not really finished - just with what I consider the BAD part!.  I still have a ways to go but I am getting stronger and will surely be better before TOO LONG!  Thanks to those in my family who CARE - who have kept up with my progress and have been in touch with Me!  Especially to my GIRLS - Kamie, Kelsi and Kami!  They have offered much support and they are amazing women and I love them to pieces.  Of couse I love the boys too and I too am thankful for them.  I am TRULY THANKFUL for my grandchildren who have been great distractions during this summer.  How THANKFUL I am for the time we get to spend with them.  Those times are PRICELESS!!  I am most THANKFUL and GRATEFUL for BUBBA!  He has been by my side the WHOLE TIME.  He has done his work from home and has been here to encourage and support me every step of the way.  Please continue to pray for me and my family.  Again I say to you - we pray for those who pray for US!!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  "Whether Seventy or Sixteen, There is in Every Being's Heart the Love of Wonder, The Sweet Amazement at the Stars and the Starlike Things and Thoughts, the Undaunted Challenge of Events, The Unfailing Childlike Appetite For What is Next and the JOY in the Game of Life"!!!

I am Joyfully looking forward to the Next Stage in my Life - The Next CHALLENGE.  I know there will be more and I am better equipped more than EVER to face what may come my Way!  \

Once Again - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!!   Love and Hugs from Me to YOU!!

Summer Staycation

This has been a summer I NEVER want to repeat!! We have been on STAYCATION - meaning - a walk around the block, watering plants in the yard - mowing SOME - canning peaches- etc. etc.  I would rather be at some of my favorite vacation spots - Jackson Hole - Lake Tahoe - Las Vegas - San Diego, just to mention a FEW!  I LOVE seeing the pictures people post on facebook of their favorite spots.  We do get to Sundance for dinner quite often which FEELS like a vacation! I don't even mind cleaning the cabin because of the absolute beauty at Sundance. 

I went to the doctor yesterday.- and they tell me I am a SICK GIRL!  HELLO - no kidding!  To be honest, I went for my appointment at 10 am with Dr. Bott to tell him I was going to be through with chemo because of the side effects I have that are NOT going away.  When you first go in they take your blood through the port in the chest.  They were ACTUALLY able to access it yesterday.  I attribute this to PRAYERS in my behalf!  I last had chemo July 30th which went on for three days.  The pump was taken off Wednesday August 1st - so it has been three weeks.  Last week they delayed treatment #5 because of my side effects which are still side effects!  I had made my decision to be finished simply because I do not want this to be permanent.  AND I know they say it is just a minute in time  - go for the long term but there has to be a QUALITY of living!  Every possible side effect that I have read about - I have had with this treatment.  I did much better in the spring with the chemo and radiation with the exception of the severe burning.

My discussion with Dr. Bott was lengthy.  My friend Marjorie passed away last Thursday and yesterday at 11 am was her funeral which I was dressed for and ready to attend.  I didn't make it and it made me sad.  I sat by her bedside last Tuesday and basically said my final goodbyes.  I told her I loved her and she was able to voice that in return. 

After going back and forth with Bubba involved in the conversation I asked Dr. Bott to look at the results of my blood work.  Last week the counts were low but good enough for more treatment.  So without having had chemo for three weeks - he was SHOCKED.  He said my counts had fallen to the TOILET!  Meaning - they are extremely low.  Last week my white blood count was 3.34 with normal being 4.5 - 11..0.   They are concerned about the absolute neutrophils specifically also.  I mean all the counts are low but last week the absolute neutrophils were 2.21 normal being 2.2 - 4.8.  So basically just low.  Yesterday my white blood count had dropped to 1.80.  The absolutely neutrophils had dropped to .63.  When the doctor saw that he said "You are a Sick Girl".  Even if you consented today we cannot give you treatment.  I had no idea the counts had dropped so low.  I have been tired but I have pushed myself because if you don't push yourself through this you might as well lay down and die.  Well GOSH - I guess I am CLOSE!

He advised staying away from PEOPLE!!!  I LOVE people!   They also advised a MASK!!  Well I am at home, I can walk around the block, I can walk in the yard and at least water the FEW plants I planted this year.  I did get some tomatos in and some squash and pumpkins before my surgery.  The garden is FULL of weeds but who cares?  Next year will be different - At least I am hoping and praying for a GREAT next year!

My decision is made.  Because my body is so sensitive to the treatment, perhaps I received enough in four treatments that most people get with eight.  I am finished.  My goal now is to get stronger because four weeks after the last chemo technically I could have surgery to reverse everything and be back to normal.  With counts like that - there is NO WAY.  I have to boost my immune system.  I have had SEVERAL people give me some thoughts and ideas and I welcome ALL.  My friends Craig and Nancy have given me some information which I am going to try.  My cousin's son Wyatt gave some information that could be helpful.  I am open and willing for ALL discussions.. I NEED and WANT to be better.  The chemotherapy has been very detrimental and I was willing to give it a shot because I want to be Cancer-free.  I feel deep down inside that that has happened.  I also knew deep down inside that I HAD it!  That is a story for another day.

So I will try to take it easy.  I still get up and get dressed with make up on because I feel lazy if I don't.  I am USED to working hard.  It is the HARDEST thing NOT to be able to do that.  There are certain things that I can do with a little rest in between and I just need to get STRONGER.  The lights of my life are my children and GRANDCHILDREN!!  HOW I LOVE THEM SO MUCH.  I NEED to be here for them and that is my goal.  We took Simone, Lukas and Stella to Church with us Sunday.  They are simply delightful and brilliant and beautiful.  We then were invited to Kelsi's for dinner and my only regreat is NOT taking a picture of Charlotte with the other three.  I will have to get that picture.

I am THANKFUL for another day on Earth.  I have work enough to do till the sun goes down!!  Each and every day.  I feel BLESSED.  I guess I am sick.  Besides being a little tired I thought I was OK.  I will work HARD to get back to my OLD self - of course the NEW OLD SELF! 

I could not do this without the support that I have received.  I am THANKFUL for ALL of you who offer comments - who pray for me - who do acts of service for me.  That is MY goal - I still serve each and every day.  Just not like I am used to doing.  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE continue to pray for me and my family.  WE need it.  Again - I return that favor by praying each and every day for all those praying for ME!!  I BELIEVE in Prayers.  I BELIEVE in Angels and I know I am being watched over and taken care of.  THANK YOU.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  "Our DUTY is NOT to see THROUGH One Another - But to See One Another THROUGH".  Thank you for helping to carry MY burden.   I need you ALL!  I am here for anyone who needs help with their own burdens.   

Once again I say - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!  Love and Hugs!!!

I AM GETTING TIRED OF THIS...

My husband told me Sunday that I looked beautiful which made me HAPPY!! .... But.... There is always a But.... He said "You Look Worn Out"   DUH!!!

Today I head to the oncologist for treatment #5/8. I am going to have a long talk before I accept the treatment today. I AM worn out. I have had Every side effect that I could possibly have. I am concerned that there may be permanent effects!!

I have been telling the doctor that I had a urinary tract infection. Saturday August 4th I had terrible pain and Kerm nearly took me to the ER. I spoke with the doctor at about 10:30 that night. They always react as though I am CRAZY! I am TOUGH and I can handle A LOT but seriously -for once just believe me. I have never been a WHINER! I know my own body!! You can see a picture of just some of my medications. One counteracts another. It's ridiculous!!! There are more in my top bathroom drawer!!!! I HATE pills!!

Last Monday morning I went for a test. Was I surprised when it came back positive??! NO! I've had the infection just smoldering away since I came out of the hospital in May!! They started me on an antibiotic and by Thursday I was no better so I was given a new antibiotic. As of today MAYBE just MAYBE slight improvement. I have had a constant yeast infection. I mean enough is enough!!

There comes a point in time where enough may just be enough. I have done hours and hours of research. I am getting very tired if this. Trust me. I know many many people undergo chemotherapy and some seem to sail through it. I know many suffer immensely!! The radiation in Jan-Feb-March nearly killed me I handled the chemotherapy though. This time around it is far worse. So today I am going to take control of my situation and decisions will be made in just an hour or two!! If some of these side effects are permanent then I'm done. I can't live this way!! I've been told that a lot of times the cure is worse than the disease. I believe the cancer was gone at surgery. I know there are protocols but there is also OVERKILL!!

When I get ready in the mornings I do my hair and makeup. I have been seeing brown hairs in the sink. Last week my immediate thought was that "Bubba must be losing his hair". Too bad His hair is WHITE!! The hair is mine and yes it is thinning. It shocked me at first but I don't care about my hair. On a scale of 1-10, 10 being worst, it's a NOTHING. I just want to be done with treatment, have my surgery and get back to being ME!

It is a different ME! I am never going to be the same Bobby Jo Jackson. I have learned so much. I have been served by many ANGELS and for that I am eternally BLESSED and GRATEFUL. I will spend the rest of my life in the service of others. I have stayed positive and have tried to help others. I can tell you this is really HARD but a huge learning experience!!!

I am thankful for SUPPORT. I am thankful for prayers in my behalf. I can honestly say I feel them. I am BLESSED. I have an amazing husband. Through the years I have thought many times about how LUCKY I have been. I only knew him six weeks before we were engaged! Married just four months after that. He is not a man of many words. He is a man of genuine integrity, intelligence and GOODNESS!! He has truly been by my side through 37 years of marriage and raising four FIERCELY in dependent children!  He has been an amazing provider, husband and father. A GREAT example to many many people I am so THANKFUL for him and his unwavering support! He has always encouraged me to succeed and has literally been the wind beneath my wings!!

I am truly thankful for my children and grandchildren. They are such shining lights in my life. I love them more than words could ever express!! I count my BLESSINGS every day. I hope they are learning through this experience. I would hope this trial and suffering has not been in vain!!

Please continue to pray for me and my family. We need your prayers.  We will return the favor any time!  I would also ask you to pray for my friend Marjorie who I had spoken about many times.  Her husband has asked that we pray for her to leave this earth life peacefully.  She is in her last days on this earth.  She has been a HUGE mentor for me and I love her dearly.  Her life of service is one that should be emulated by all! 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  "Therefore Do Not Lose Heart.  Though Outwardly we are Wasting Away, yet inwardly we are Being Renewed Day by Day.  For Our Light and Momentary Troubles are Achieving for Us An Eternal Glory That Far Outweighs Them All. So We Fix Our Eyes Not on What is Seen, but on What is Unseen.  For What is Seen is Temporary But What is Unseen is ETERNAL". 

GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!  Love and Hugs