I have had a very frustrating couple of weeks.. I am writing this today simply because so many of my friends are asking WHAT is going on!
I started November 10th with LUMPS in my hips/thighs. These have spread to my ankles - arms, etc. I have been to see several physicians. I had a biopsy taken of one of the nodes on November 15th. I was told my results would be back the 19-20th but that was not TRUE! Results did not come back until Monday the 26th. It confirmed what the dermatologist had suggested - that I had ERYTHEMA NODOSUM.
ERYTHEMA NODOSUM is an infectious/inflammatory process that usually manifests itself in the legs. It usually is the alarm the body gives off saying there is some sort of process going on inside the body. I saw a different dermatologist on Tuesday morning the 27th. He was not willing to call this process SARCOIDOSIS - which was the first initial thinking. I had blood work drawn that morning - they took about 6-7 vials. CT scans were scheduled for Wednesday the 28th. I drank a quart of contrast Tuesday evening and another quart before I got to imaging yesterday at 11 am. Once I was there I was given an IV to accommodate the contrast they injected while I was in the scanning room.
Scans were taken basically of my entire torso. Lungs, liver, spleen, aorta, kidneys, etc. I received results of most of the blood work yesterday. Most everything was normal but the sed-rate was very high which means - there is an infectious process going on inside my body! NO KIDDING!!!
I called down this morning as I was told the results of the scans would be in the SYSTEM within 24 hours. I was told the results - most all the scans are clear. There are TWO lesions in my right lung. The radiologist listed it as "metastatic lung cancer" but what you need to know is this - He DOES NOT KNOW that I have a process going on in my body. Sarcoidosis also shows up looking the very same. So I was referred immediately to the pulmonologist (lung doctor) at 2 pm this afternoon. He read through all the results - saw my LEGS which are definitely red and LUMPY! It looks like I have HUGE red bruises all over my legs - so on and so forth! He is not willing to call it sarcoidosis. He DOES NOT like contrast on the CT scans. He was not willing to call it cancer. When I was finished Dr. Bott called me who had been monitoring the visit with the pulmonologist. Dr. Bott is the cancer specialist who has been following me. He was watching as the notes were written by the pulmonologist. He told me he wished he could tell me I was perfect but he cannot. He said he felt however, as though I would be around in 20 years. That was good news but ALL was way too much for me and I cried and cried.
This is the deal. Needless to say - my colonoscopy was once again cancelled for tomorrow. YAY - I need to get that now on the 6th of December. On the 10th I will have full pulmonary function tests. On the 13th I will have a HIGH RESOLUTION CT SCAN once again - with NO CONTRAST of my lungs. This pulmonologist did not like the contrast! Everything looks white and he could not give a definitive diagnosis. I will see the pulmonologist once again on the 18th and hopefully it will be clearly definitive. This is what I need and this is what I am praying for.
I was able to read what the radiologist said - which immediately made me cry! Dr. Bott says it is way too soon to have metastatic lung cancer. With the infectious process going on it is a wait and see game.
I am thinking positively. Despite taking many different immune boosters, some recommended by lots of my friends, my immune system is STILLhighly compromised. I am anemic - I though I had rebounded from that but NO - I am still really anemic so I will take supplements for that. I have been very tired but I get up - get ready WITH my makeup every day, and I don't take NAPS! I keep going and going until it is time for bed.
I WANT TO BE NORMAL which makes me laugh out loud as I even write that because I AM NOT NORMAL!! I don't even know what NORMAL is but I have always NOT BEEN NORMAL! I don't even KNOW if there is NORMAL! I just want to be well - healthy and move on with my life. This is holding me up - just for a LITTLE WHILE. My friend Pres. Kenison said it is a small BUMP IN THE ROAD - If only he could SEE my bumps HA HA - I believe this to be true. I can overcome this - I refuse to believe I have lung cancer and I am thiniking positively. I know positive thinking is HEALTHY. I WANT TO BE HEALTHY! I have tried to get rid of any negative at all in my life. I don't want to hang on to anything negative. ALL positive for me!
So my friends - this is where I am tonight. AND instead of clear liquids today Bubba is taking me to dinner tonight. I NEED to get out and I am THANKFUL to be OUTTA HERE TONIGHT!!!
I would ask for continued prayers. I need them. I will also tell you this. Yesterday as I laid on the table getting my CT scans - I had tears streaming down my face. I felt very ALONE while lying there but I had a strong feeling that I was NOT ALONE! That was the reason for my tears. I KNOW I am being watched over. Not just by ANGELS on this earth - but by ANGELS on the other side of the veil. I KNOW IT - I FEEL IT and I TESTIFY OF IT!
I am GRATEFUL for so many things. I am NOT excited about my path for the next few weeks - BUT I ALSO HAVE FAITH - I do not believe there is ANYONE who has more FAITH THAN I DO! I also have lots of HOPE. Today I felt that I had been knocked down but I am back up already. You get knocked down and you keep getting back up again and again and again. I am BACK UP!! All six feet of me!!! My SPIRIT will NOT be crushed!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Those who have known a problem first hand are usually better able to help others walking through the same difficulty! I am HERE for anyone who needs me. I have tried to be positive and help those who are going through some of the same things I am. I VOW to do that for the rest of my days.
"BRAVE YOUR STORM WITH FIRM ENDEAVOR
LET YOUR VAIN REPININGS GO!
HOPEFUL HEARTS WILL FIND FOREVER
ROSES UNDERNEATH THE SNOW"
Please continue to pray for me and my family. We pray daily for those who pray for us. LOVE AND HUGS TO ALL - GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Friday, November 16, 2012
SHORT LIVED PEACE....
I am sick....AGAIN! This is what I will tell you. I can handle this. I would rather, once again, have it be me who is sick, than wish this upon anyone else!! I would NOT wish this upon my worst enemy. I actually don't think I have any enemies but if I did, I still wouldn't wish it for anyone!!
I felt as though I was doing so well. October was a HEALING month!! I came into November really feeling on top of the world !
We traveled to Las Vegas two times in the last month to visit and watch my two nephews play football. Their team is in the playoffs and I love every minute of watching them! I want to tell you a little about them. Blake Frischknecht is the oldest son of my brother Kurt who passed away in 2002 in a car accident. Blake had just turned 7. He is a kicker. This is his first year playing football as a senior kicker. He has played soccer since his daddy started him in the sport at age 3-4. He is coming to BYU to play soccer BUT I think BYU could use a KICKER for their football team! When he kicks the ball off his kicks fly through the other team's goal posts! His field goals are easily 50 yards! His papa would be SO PROUD! Chance McCutcheon is also a senior. He is the son of Ricky who my sister-in-law married a few years after Kurt's death. I love Ric like a brother and that is how I regard him. As my brother! Chance is a linebacker who plays his heart out!! I love these two boys and I am proud of them.. Anyway. These boys are brothers and this is the very amazing thing about them. They were both born the same day!!! May 10, 1995!! Brothers from a different mother!!! I love it! I love them!!
Last Friday I started feeling a little pain at the top of my outer thighs right below my hips. I felt as if they were both bruised. Saturday the pain was worse but I still felt as though I had somehow bruised my legs. By Sunday evening I had these "lumps" all over my upper thighs. Kerm circled 26 of them. The nodules are about an inch in diameter, hot and very painful. Except the ones I first felt. They are each about three inches in diameter, hot and painful. It hurts to move! By Monday the number of nodes had doubled. I saw Dr Bott my oncologist. He suggested a biopsy. By Wednesday I had over 100 and today they have spread down both legs, onto my ankles and now on my arms. These are painful nodules which are red and hot!
I saw the dermatologist yesterday who took a nodule out of my arm with about a two inch incision. The biopsy results will be back Monday or Tuesday. If you have taken me off your prayer list I BEG you to add my name again. GOSH! I am a sick girl. I pray for the lessor or the three evils which are
1) Lymphoma which is another form of cancer
2) A disease called Sarcoidosis which I had 29 years ago and hopefully is the more likely cause or
3) What they call Valley Fever.
When my youngest child Kelsi turned one I became very ill. I had these same horribly painful lumps in my legs and finally had to use crutches. Kerm would carry me to and from the car. It was a rough time because I had four children - the oldest was 6!!'. It was really really hard. A physician suggested an x-ray of my lungs and after a lung biopsy the disease Sarcoidosis was diagnosed. I was put on hugely high doses of steroids and eventually regained my health. As I left the hospital the physician told me to expect to gain great amounts of weight! I did gain 10 pounds but lost it after finishing the medications. This disease never goes away but usually it doesn't resurface unless the immune system is compromised. Well - mine has been very comprosed over the past year. I am however, praying I have that PARTICULAR disease. I have dealt with it before. Originally 29 years ago they thought I had lymphoma until the biopsy came back Sarcoidosis. You can google the disease and read all about it. At that time it was in my lungs and they are permanently scarred but the scarring has never hindered me. It can affect your heart and be fatal. It can affect your brain, cause blindness and I just don't even want to go into more details. It is rare for a Caucasian person to perish from this disease. The comedian Bernie Mac died a year ago from Sarcoidosis. I have a great deal of FAITH. I have been given blessings and one must NEVER ever underestimate my FAITH!!
I decided today that next November we need to go away for the whole month! My trials have been coming in Novembers and I don't like that!
What I will tell you also is this... I am THANKFUL!! I am thankful for trials because I will attest they make a person stronger. I guess the Colon cancer wasn't enough! I obviously need to learn more. I am a fast learner so just let me get it over with!!! Needless to say my colonoscopy was cancelled today. I still have that to look forward to!!!
PLEASE pray for me. I will find out my fate Monday or Tuesday and move forward in FAITH overcoming this new trial!! I CAN do it. I can handle the pain. The nodules are spread all over my ankles this morning but I can still walk and do the things i need to do!! I can handle anything as long as I know what I am dealing with!! A dear friend suggested this is just another BUMP in the road for me. I have great HOPE!!
So here I go again with this new stepping stone. I will hurdle this one and be good as new. I still look the same and no one will ever quelch my SPIRIT. I am filled with GRATITUDE!!
Thought For The Day: I have nothing more to say other than I can't wait to see my grand babies. Hopefully we get a sleepover this weekend. Hug your loved ones and be GRATEFUL. ANGELS truly attend all of us - On BOTH sides of the veil and I TESTIFY that this is TRUTH. I FEEL their presence!!
GOD bless us EVERYONE!!! Love and Hugs!!!
I felt as though I was doing so well. October was a HEALING month!! I came into November really feeling on top of the world !
We traveled to Las Vegas two times in the last month to visit and watch my two nephews play football. Their team is in the playoffs and I love every minute of watching them! I want to tell you a little about them. Blake Frischknecht is the oldest son of my brother Kurt who passed away in 2002 in a car accident. Blake had just turned 7. He is a kicker. This is his first year playing football as a senior kicker. He has played soccer since his daddy started him in the sport at age 3-4. He is coming to BYU to play soccer BUT I think BYU could use a KICKER for their football team! When he kicks the ball off his kicks fly through the other team's goal posts! His field goals are easily 50 yards! His papa would be SO PROUD! Chance McCutcheon is also a senior. He is the son of Ricky who my sister-in-law married a few years after Kurt's death. I love Ric like a brother and that is how I regard him. As my brother! Chance is a linebacker who plays his heart out!! I love these two boys and I am proud of them.. Anyway. These boys are brothers and this is the very amazing thing about them. They were both born the same day!!! May 10, 1995!! Brothers from a different mother!!! I love it! I love them!!
Last Friday I started feeling a little pain at the top of my outer thighs right below my hips. I felt as if they were both bruised. Saturday the pain was worse but I still felt as though I had somehow bruised my legs. By Sunday evening I had these "lumps" all over my upper thighs. Kerm circled 26 of them. The nodules are about an inch in diameter, hot and very painful. Except the ones I first felt. They are each about three inches in diameter, hot and painful. It hurts to move! By Monday the number of nodes had doubled. I saw Dr Bott my oncologist. He suggested a biopsy. By Wednesday I had over 100 and today they have spread down both legs, onto my ankles and now on my arms. These are painful nodules which are red and hot!
I saw the dermatologist yesterday who took a nodule out of my arm with about a two inch incision. The biopsy results will be back Monday or Tuesday. If you have taken me off your prayer list I BEG you to add my name again. GOSH! I am a sick girl. I pray for the lessor or the three evils which are
1) Lymphoma which is another form of cancer
2) A disease called Sarcoidosis which I had 29 years ago and hopefully is the more likely cause or
3) What they call Valley Fever.
When my youngest child Kelsi turned one I became very ill. I had these same horribly painful lumps in my legs and finally had to use crutches. Kerm would carry me to and from the car. It was a rough time because I had four children - the oldest was 6!!'. It was really really hard. A physician suggested an x-ray of my lungs and after a lung biopsy the disease Sarcoidosis was diagnosed. I was put on hugely high doses of steroids and eventually regained my health. As I left the hospital the physician told me to expect to gain great amounts of weight! I did gain 10 pounds but lost it after finishing the medications. This disease never goes away but usually it doesn't resurface unless the immune system is compromised. Well - mine has been very comprosed over the past year. I am however, praying I have that PARTICULAR disease. I have dealt with it before. Originally 29 years ago they thought I had lymphoma until the biopsy came back Sarcoidosis. You can google the disease and read all about it. At that time it was in my lungs and they are permanently scarred but the scarring has never hindered me. It can affect your heart and be fatal. It can affect your brain, cause blindness and I just don't even want to go into more details. It is rare for a Caucasian person to perish from this disease. The comedian Bernie Mac died a year ago from Sarcoidosis. I have a great deal of FAITH. I have been given blessings and one must NEVER ever underestimate my FAITH!!
I decided today that next November we need to go away for the whole month! My trials have been coming in Novembers and I don't like that!
What I will tell you also is this... I am THANKFUL!! I am thankful for trials because I will attest they make a person stronger. I guess the Colon cancer wasn't enough! I obviously need to learn more. I am a fast learner so just let me get it over with!!! Needless to say my colonoscopy was cancelled today. I still have that to look forward to!!!
PLEASE pray for me. I will find out my fate Monday or Tuesday and move forward in FAITH overcoming this new trial!! I CAN do it. I can handle the pain. The nodules are spread all over my ankles this morning but I can still walk and do the things i need to do!! I can handle anything as long as I know what I am dealing with!! A dear friend suggested this is just another BUMP in the road for me. I have great HOPE!!
So here I go again with this new stepping stone. I will hurdle this one and be good as new. I still look the same and no one will ever quelch my SPIRIT. I am filled with GRATITUDE!!
Thought For The Day: I have nothing more to say other than I can't wait to see my grand babies. Hopefully we get a sleepover this weekend. Hug your loved ones and be GRATEFUL. ANGELS truly attend all of us - On BOTH sides of the veil and I TESTIFY that this is TRUTH. I FEEL their presence!!
GOD bless us EVERYONE!!! Love and Hugs!!!
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
ALMOST A YEAR.....
I have not updated my blog for over a month! I have taken the time I need to heal - both physically and mentally and I have had many many occasions to ponder my last year! October was very good to me for which I am truly THANKFUL!!
I have healed almost completely and feel as if I am back to nearly 100%! I was doing fine until Friday when I started feeling pain on both sides of my hips at the top of the femur. I felt as though I had bruises on both sides. Sunday evening I began feeling all sorts of BUMPS on the back of my legs - mainly above the knee. These are red and sore nodules and I had Kerm circle the ones I had Sunday evening - the count? 26 nodes!!! Not GOOD! I saw Dr. Bott yesterday and he does not know what they are. He has referred me to a surgeon to biopsy these nodes to see just what they are. Last night they were more painful and there were MORE! I have some on my lower legs now! We will get to the bottom of these and hopefully I will continue on my path to being completely healed!
As I said earlier, I have had a lot of time to reflect on the past year! I canoot begin to say how GRATEFUL I am for those people who supported and who continue to support me.
I will be perfectly honest. At the beginning of this EXPERIENCE, if you will, I had NO EXPECTATIONS! I really did not expect anything from anyone. It became discouraging however when I realized I did need huge amounts of support! A few friends who I thought would be supportive through thick and thin - who I thought I could depend on no matter what - were NOT there for me. There were COUNTLESS others who stepped up and WERE there for me for which I am so thankful!! Those same friends who were not there for me, on a regular basis, remind me of how busy and important they are! I feel extremely sorry for these people. I am so THANKFUL for my own knowledge of being here on this earth to aid others. That has been the story of my life!! The bottom line here is that I don't care who you are - NO ONE is that busy or important!! I could NOT depend on those folks during the very most DIFFICULT year of my life, a time when I needed huge amounts of support and it was simply not there for me. Like I said, I try not to judge as that is not my job. HOWEVER - and this is a BIG however, I did realize who I COULD count on and I stayed focused on those people and being POSITIVE because that is HEALTHY!!!! I needed to be positive in order to get better!!!
I promised I would be HONEST and you just got a dose of my HONESTY!!
Thursday I will have a colonoscopy and I'll be honest again!!! I am not exited. It brings back memories that I would rather just forget. That means today is my last eating day until after the colonoscopy. My choice for dinner will be Red Lobster. Tomorrow is a clear liquid day and then in the afternoon I have to drink that NASTY stuff AGAIN!!! Ugh!!
The one PERK if you will, of colon cancer - and the surgery involved has been a 25 pound weight loss. TRUST ME - This is NOT something you would ever want! However, I can eat whatever I want - and I will not ever gain weight again! I am truly GRATEFUL to be alive and I am truly looking forward to this Holiday Season! Last year was a BUMMER!! Literally!!
On December 14th I will have the six month scans of my liver, lungs and abdomen. I PRAY that those scans will be clear! I cannot wait to truly enjoy the rest of the year with peace of mind!!
I have enjoyed the presence of my grandchildren. I LOVE them to the moon and back. It is such a tremendous joy to have them in our home! Simone, Lukas, Stella and Charlotte! The TRUE Lights in my life!! They are beautiful, loving and very smart!! They are growing into WONDERFUL human beings! I am thankful to Kami and Kelsi for letting us enjoy their children!!
During the last week I have basically redone our home! I have gone through EVERYTHING! I have cleaned out closets and drawers. I have moved furniture around and incorporated new. My house feels brand new and I am excited to have a brand new year and move on with my life!!!
Thank you to my supporters! Thank you for the prayers in my behalf and in behalf of my family! I still need those prayers. Thank you for the visits and the encouragement!! I am GRATEFUL! I have SO MUCH to be THANKFUL for this year!! It is very humbling!! Most of all THANK YOU to my husband. It brings me to tears to think about the support he has been to me!! Unbelievable!!! I have learned SO MUCH!!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: One of my favorite sayings ....
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other"
"When your nights are filled with loneliness and your days are dark with discouragement - when you can't seem to read or pray or to do anything else - just sit still.. and let GOD love you".
Thank you AGAIN for thoughts and prayers.... Love and Hugs!
I have healed almost completely and feel as if I am back to nearly 100%! I was doing fine until Friday when I started feeling pain on both sides of my hips at the top of the femur. I felt as though I had bruises on both sides. Sunday evening I began feeling all sorts of BUMPS on the back of my legs - mainly above the knee. These are red and sore nodules and I had Kerm circle the ones I had Sunday evening - the count? 26 nodes!!! Not GOOD! I saw Dr. Bott yesterday and he does not know what they are. He has referred me to a surgeon to biopsy these nodes to see just what they are. Last night they were more painful and there were MORE! I have some on my lower legs now! We will get to the bottom of these and hopefully I will continue on my path to being completely healed!
As I said earlier, I have had a lot of time to reflect on the past year! I canoot begin to say how GRATEFUL I am for those people who supported and who continue to support me.
I will be perfectly honest. At the beginning of this EXPERIENCE, if you will, I had NO EXPECTATIONS! I really did not expect anything from anyone. It became discouraging however when I realized I did need huge amounts of support! A few friends who I thought would be supportive through thick and thin - who I thought I could depend on no matter what - were NOT there for me. There were COUNTLESS others who stepped up and WERE there for me for which I am so thankful!! Those same friends who were not there for me, on a regular basis, remind me of how busy and important they are! I feel extremely sorry for these people. I am so THANKFUL for my own knowledge of being here on this earth to aid others. That has been the story of my life!! The bottom line here is that I don't care who you are - NO ONE is that busy or important!! I could NOT depend on those folks during the very most DIFFICULT year of my life, a time when I needed huge amounts of support and it was simply not there for me. Like I said, I try not to judge as that is not my job. HOWEVER - and this is a BIG however, I did realize who I COULD count on and I stayed focused on those people and being POSITIVE because that is HEALTHY!!!! I needed to be positive in order to get better!!!
I promised I would be HONEST and you just got a dose of my HONESTY!!
Thursday I will have a colonoscopy and I'll be honest again!!! I am not exited. It brings back memories that I would rather just forget. That means today is my last eating day until after the colonoscopy. My choice for dinner will be Red Lobster. Tomorrow is a clear liquid day and then in the afternoon I have to drink that NASTY stuff AGAIN!!! Ugh!!
The one PERK if you will, of colon cancer - and the surgery involved has been a 25 pound weight loss. TRUST ME - This is NOT something you would ever want! However, I can eat whatever I want - and I will not ever gain weight again! I am truly GRATEFUL to be alive and I am truly looking forward to this Holiday Season! Last year was a BUMMER!! Literally!!
On December 14th I will have the six month scans of my liver, lungs and abdomen. I PRAY that those scans will be clear! I cannot wait to truly enjoy the rest of the year with peace of mind!!
I have enjoyed the presence of my grandchildren. I LOVE them to the moon and back. It is such a tremendous joy to have them in our home! Simone, Lukas, Stella and Charlotte! The TRUE Lights in my life!! They are beautiful, loving and very smart!! They are growing into WONDERFUL human beings! I am thankful to Kami and Kelsi for letting us enjoy their children!!
During the last week I have basically redone our home! I have gone through EVERYTHING! I have cleaned out closets and drawers. I have moved furniture around and incorporated new. My house feels brand new and I am excited to have a brand new year and move on with my life!!!
Thank you to my supporters! Thank you for the prayers in my behalf and in behalf of my family! I still need those prayers. Thank you for the visits and the encouragement!! I am GRATEFUL! I have SO MUCH to be THANKFUL for this year!! It is very humbling!! Most of all THANK YOU to my husband. It brings me to tears to think about the support he has been to me!! Unbelievable!!! I have learned SO MUCH!!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: One of my favorite sayings ....
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other"
"When your nights are filled with loneliness and your days are dark with discouragement - when you can't seem to read or pray or to do anything else - just sit still.. and let GOD love you".
Thank you AGAIN for thoughts and prayers.... Love and Hugs!
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