Life as I know it - comes to an end tomorrow! I will chalk it up to one of many LIFE EVENTS I have experienced thus far! I have mixed emotions. I am anxious, I am excited to move on and I am scared. I learned a long time ago that there is no room and FEAR and FAITH in the same house so with that being said, I choose FAITH! That still doesn't mean that I am just a little tiny bit scared - cause I AM!!
One of the businesses I have owned and operated has been a medical transcription company for almost 30 years. I have had numerous accounts in every medical speciality and have learned so much from those I have worked with and for. I had the privilege once of doing the transcription for a Licensed Medical Social Worker. She was an older lady who had a vast knowledge which contributed to the healing of many people. I loved hearing her stories and the counseling she gave to patients who were struggling with every aspect of life. She taught that every human being has what are called LIFE EVENTS. Some are chosen - some are not. Regardless of the path - LIFE EVENTS happen to everyone! This wise woman counseled that if a person will break down problems and experiences in manageable parts - those problems and experiences are much easier to conquer. That was such great advice - Advice I have treasured!
I remember the transition from grade school to Jr. High and Jr. High to High School. The first realization that really stands out to me was the night of high school graduation. I remember thinking that life as I had known it all these years was going to change! And indeed it did. On to College, Marriage, Motherhood, Business Career , GRANDCHILDREN and MORE! As my wise Social Worker Lady taught - Each of these happenings have contributed to MY LIFE EVENTS.
I find it amazing that I fell in love with a Wonderful Man I had only known for a few short weeks! Even more amazing that after 36 years we are STILL in love! I consider that a lot of hard work and a lot of LUCK! I certainly do not take our relationship for granted! I am GRATEFUL and I am THANKFUL each day for him. He is a true BLESSING in my life. A CHOSEN LIFE EVENT!
I remember coming home from the hospital the first time I gave birth. Kasey was an 11 pound baby and needless to say it was a difficult birth. We had to make a bed on the floor for a couple of weeks because I could not get on and off the water bed! I remember going to bed that night on the floor, going to sleep and being awakened by his cries. I laid there for a few minutes, Kerm still asleep by my side and saying out loud - OH NO! It was up to ME to take care of that brand new boy! It was truly a rude awakening of sorts - one I will remember the rest of my life. A precious, joyful and exciting awakening, but nonetheless - A LIFE EVENT! And so it was with the three other babies. Each one precious and joyful - each a new LIFE EVENT!
My 15-year-old sister Cynthia died after a tragic accident when Kasey was 7 months old - it was a LIFE EVENT! I grieved for her and longed to hear her voice once again. My mother and sister Jenny were injured in the same auto accident. I cared for them all summer long at my home and when they returned home we started a new chapter in our lives - without Cynthia. My dad died when I was 37. I felt that was way too young to be without my dad and his influence. Once again I experienced that LIFE EVENT that happens to all of us at the death of a loved one! I miss him every day of my life and think of him often. I often wonder if he would be proud of the things I have done and accomplished in my life. I hope so...
My brother Kurt died in another tragic auto accident in 2002. He was five years younger than me and not only was he a great brother - he was a TRUE FRIEND! I remember being on the phone - hearing the news and being completely devastated. While the caller was giving me the details to pass onto my family members - my mind immediately raced to his young wife and his four young children tragically left behind. I vowed at that moment to be there for them throughout their lives - to help as I could and to hopefully be a good example. With the death of my Mother in 2007 the stark realization of my own mortality hit - no longer was there an older generation - It was now MY generation in charge! Those happenings were difficult LIFE EVENTS - but events I learned so much from!
As Human Beings we CHOOSE many of our own LIFE EVENTS - Some LIFE EVENTS just plain and simply HAPPEN to us. They are not our choice - they just HAPPEN. It is up to each one of us to determine how we will handle the EVENTS life deals. I have chosen to meet my EVENTS head on. To meet and greet each day with the firm resolve that indeed I will conquer the things that are before me - one way or another!
November 30, 2011 my life changed FOREVER! I will NEVER be the same again. I hope I will be a kinder, gentler and better human being! I want to be able to HELP others in a more meaningful way. Tomorrow my treatment starts - and it is ABOUT TIME. Life as I know it will come to an end. My body will be invaded with chemotherapy and radiation and my prayer is that I will be able to HANDLE it! I am THANKFUL and GRATEFUL for a HUGE support system - for amazing friends and wonderful family members. Thank you to ALL of you! Please pray for me - I need all the PRAYERS I can possibly get in my behalf! This is a LIFE EVENT I did not choose and would not wish upon ANYONE! But it is a LIFE EVENT I will handle and conquer with grace and dignity and LOVE for everyone!
Tonight my hand is in the hand of GOD - He will guide me and help me on my journey. I give THANKS!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Friday, January 27, 2012
OKEE DOKEE - HERE WE GO
It is NO secret that the last two weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me - UP and DOWN!! Monday I awakened and immediately wanted to pull the covers over my head and stay in bed. What you need to know about me is this - I CANNOT stay in bed. There is always too much to do, too many people to talk to and too many things to accomplish in a day. I laid there for just a minute and determined that I needed to pull up my BIG GIRL PANTIES, get up and move forward with my day. I heard nothing at all Monday as to WHEN I can expect my treatment. Between Thursday the 19th of January and Wednesday the 25th I made NO LESS than 15 phone calls to my insurance company to try to get to the bottom of what was going on.
This is the DEAL - the bottom line is my doctor's office did NOT send in the preauthorization in a TIMELY manner - and as a matter of fact - actually TWO WEEKS late. The insurance company had questions that needed to be answered and that took time. Wednesday the 25th I wrote a letter to the Administrator of the Clinic where I am to get treatment outlining my experiences, my delays and asking HIM how I could help MOTIVATE his people to begin my treatment!! I hand delivered that letter at about 2:30 in the afternoon. Like I have said before - It's not like I am DYING to get the chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I have done the research and know that is the treatment needed in order to be CURED!
After we (Bubba as my driver and really - my EVERYTHING) left the Clinic to head for home I received a phone call from my Advocate at the insurance company telling me I had been approved for treatment. By 4 pm I received a phone call from the Oncologist telling me that the Administrator, after reading the letter I hand delivered, brought it to him to read. I was told that indeed there had been several glitches in getting things in order to receive care at that Clinic. The bottom line is - yesterday I had my DRY RUN for radiation. I will start that Monday at 1 pm. I will be at the Oncologist's office at noon to get the pump installed into my Portacath with a fanny pack full of the DRUGS. They will put that on each Monday at noon for FIVE WEEKS and THREE DAYS and take it off Friday afternoons. Monday through Friday I will be in the Radiation Department for treatment at 1pm for the same duration - 28 treatments. I GET weekends OFF!!
I am THANKFUL and I am GRATEFUL for the progress that has been made in order for me to begin my treatments. I want to be FINISHED with this - I need to be FINISHED in time to WELCOME Kelsi's new baby girl - CHARLOTTE - who will be born in March!! I saw a 4D video of Charlotte the other day! She is as beautiful as her MAMA! I cannot wait to meet that precious GIRL!
I have been proactive in this Journey on my road to recovery. I know that I am not the only person who experiences GLITCHES in their care process. I VOW to be an advocate. If you know ANYONE who is experiencing any difficulty in their care process please let me HELP! I have learned so much and I will be that squeaky wheel who gets that GREASE!!
We have had one thing after another happen in our lives since December. It has been a very very trying time for Kerm and I. With that being said - we have been SO BLESSED! We are so THANKFUL and kneel down daily with prayers of THANKS because of our blessings. Please continue to pray to me and my family. We need prayers in our behalf. We FEEL the prayers in our behalf. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I have learned some great lessons in the past eight weeks. What an amazing JOURNEY. I do not think it is always a great idea to hand deliver a letter to an Administrator - BUT - A) If it WORKS and B) If I (or you) don't stand up for myself - I can GUARANTEE - NO one else will either! Be proactive - be involved and HELP others along your way! I have done that all my life and will CONTINUE to do that for anyone and everyone who needs my help. Love and HUGS!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "If you will call your troubles EXPERIENCES, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within YOU, you will grow vigorous and HAPPY, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be". ... John R. Miller
GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!!
This is the DEAL - the bottom line is my doctor's office did NOT send in the preauthorization in a TIMELY manner - and as a matter of fact - actually TWO WEEKS late. The insurance company had questions that needed to be answered and that took time. Wednesday the 25th I wrote a letter to the Administrator of the Clinic where I am to get treatment outlining my experiences, my delays and asking HIM how I could help MOTIVATE his people to begin my treatment!! I hand delivered that letter at about 2:30 in the afternoon. Like I have said before - It's not like I am DYING to get the chemotherapy and radiation treatments. I have done the research and know that is the treatment needed in order to be CURED!
After we (Bubba as my driver and really - my EVERYTHING) left the Clinic to head for home I received a phone call from my Advocate at the insurance company telling me I had been approved for treatment. By 4 pm I received a phone call from the Oncologist telling me that the Administrator, after reading the letter I hand delivered, brought it to him to read. I was told that indeed there had been several glitches in getting things in order to receive care at that Clinic. The bottom line is - yesterday I had my DRY RUN for radiation. I will start that Monday at 1 pm. I will be at the Oncologist's office at noon to get the pump installed into my Portacath with a fanny pack full of the DRUGS. They will put that on each Monday at noon for FIVE WEEKS and THREE DAYS and take it off Friday afternoons. Monday through Friday I will be in the Radiation Department for treatment at 1pm for the same duration - 28 treatments. I GET weekends OFF!!
I am THANKFUL and I am GRATEFUL for the progress that has been made in order for me to begin my treatments. I want to be FINISHED with this - I need to be FINISHED in time to WELCOME Kelsi's new baby girl - CHARLOTTE - who will be born in March!! I saw a 4D video of Charlotte the other day! She is as beautiful as her MAMA! I cannot wait to meet that precious GIRL!
I have been proactive in this Journey on my road to recovery. I know that I am not the only person who experiences GLITCHES in their care process. I VOW to be an advocate. If you know ANYONE who is experiencing any difficulty in their care process please let me HELP! I have learned so much and I will be that squeaky wheel who gets that GREASE!!
We have had one thing after another happen in our lives since December. It has been a very very trying time for Kerm and I. With that being said - we have been SO BLESSED! We are so THANKFUL and kneel down daily with prayers of THANKS because of our blessings. Please continue to pray to me and my family. We need prayers in our behalf. We FEEL the prayers in our behalf. THANK YOU SO MUCH!
I have learned some great lessons in the past eight weeks. What an amazing JOURNEY. I do not think it is always a great idea to hand deliver a letter to an Administrator - BUT - A) If it WORKS and B) If I (or you) don't stand up for myself - I can GUARANTEE - NO one else will either! Be proactive - be involved and HELP others along your way! I have done that all my life and will CONTINUE to do that for anyone and everyone who needs my help. Love and HUGS!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "If you will call your troubles EXPERIENCES, and remember that every experience develops some latent force within YOU, you will grow vigorous and HAPPY, however adverse your circumstances may seem to be". ... John R. Miller
GOD BLESS US EVERYONE!!!
Friday, January 20, 2012
MY FRIEND MARJORIE
I have had a TERRIBLE - AWFUL - ICKY week! We will get back to that later. First I would like to tell you about my friend MARJORIE. I will not tell her last name. I hope she won't mind me talking about her. Let it be known - she would NEVER talk about herself. She is someone I feel I need to tell you about!
I have known Marjorie since 1984 when she married her husband Don and moved into our neighborhood - into our WARD. For those of you who do not know what a WARD is - let me explain. It is a local congregation of our Church. It encompasses several blocks in a geographical area. The BISHOP is a lay clergyman - who is NOT paid - his position is much like a PASTOR in other churches. Marjorie was a newlywed - gosh I was an OLD married lady - married already for 9 years! Marjorie and I became friends and have remained friends since that time - even though I am TWO WHOLE YEARS OLDER!! I was present for the birth of the first of two sons Marjorie and Don raised. We have lived in our same homes but the WARD boundaries have changed a couple of times - meaning - there have been times we have not been in the same WARD. Four years ago when the geographical boundaries were changed once AGAIN - Marjorie and I landed up in the same WARD. I was called at that time as Primary President. That is an organization where as a Presidency - we have STEWARDSHIP over the children ages 18 months to 12 years. I knew immediately that Marjorie was to be one of my counselors.
Marjorie was diagnosed with COLON CANCER in December of 2003. At the time we were called into the Primary Presidency Marjorie had had cancer for four years. At that time she was basically in remission and served with ZEAL in her calling. The children of the WARD LOVED and continue to LOVE Marjorie. EVERYONE loves Marjorie.
For years and years each time anyone in the area had a baby - Marjorie would show up with a homemade quilt for the new mother! Each birthday Marjorie would knit a hot pad for EVERYONE and she would lovingly deliver that to the door of the birthday girl! I have a collection of Marjorie's hot pads which I use to hold my hot dishes. Marjorie is known for her amazing HOT ROLLS! Oh my goodness - if you have had the pleasure of eating one of those tasty morsels - you know what I am talking about! For many years Marjorie and Don would walk around the neighborhoods bringing green popcorn treat wreaths as Christmas Treats! Marjorie has created amazing MEMORIES for many many people. She has served all and everyone who live within the WARD boundaries and many who do not. I consider Marjorie an ANGEL ON EARTH. She has been a loving example serving others selflessly - basically all her life! I LOVE Marjorie.
Marjorie's cancer has spread. The past year has been very difficult for her. She has faced numerous hospitalizations and operations with amazing courage and grace. She has experienced a great deal of pain. This past week she had a PET scan which showed the spread of cancer throughout her body. Marjorie is self sufficient and years ago it was hard for me to know how to help and serve HER. I remember asking what I could do for HER! She told me she would love for me to come to her home and play Church Hymns on her piano. That was a great IDEA! That was something I could do for Marjorie! She lays back in her reclining chair and listens as I play. Her favorite Hymn is "I STAND ALL AMAZED" and her favorite Christmas Song is "JOY TO THE WORLD". I have loved playing for Majorie and feel that perhaps in some small way I was able to SERVE her back!
This morning I was extremely frustrated and felt that I needed to call Marjorie to see if I could play Hymns for her. She cheerfully answered the phone and lovingly greeted me. I asked her how her day was going and she told me it was a GREAT day! She was making ROLLS!!!!! She then asked me how I was - I will tell you this - with a greeting like that from Marjorie, it was extremely difficult not to say GREAT right back to her. How could I possibly tell her that I had had a terrible, awful, icky week? NOT POSSIBLE. I said I am Great because of YOUR EXAMPLE! I went to her home and talked for awhile and played her favorite Hymn. I left Marjorie's home with a plate FULL of homemade orange, raspberry and apple rolls! Marjorie is my HERO! Marjorie is an ANGEL ON EARTH! Marjorie is my Example to learn from and she is there for me - pleasantly and lovingly - ALL THE TIME! On the day I was diagnosed with cancer - November 30, 2011 - after we returned home we immediately walked the distance to Marjorie's home to tell her my news. Majorie has helped me understand different procedures, medications and I ALWAYS leave her home feeling invigorated!
Please pray for my friend Marjorie - she needs ALL of our PRAYERS! She is a huge BLESSING to so very many people - quiet, unassuming and a TRUE EXAMPLE of the meaning of LOVE - HOPE - and CHARITY! Marjorie needs our prayers! I love that LADY!
My week has been a ROYAL RUN AROUND - I will NOT be starting Treatment Monday as I had ONCE AGAIN been scheduled for. I have received the RUN AROUND from the Radiation Oncology Department at Central Utah Clinic. They have known for over a month about my treatment and what I would be needing and it was not until Wednesday the 18th that they submitted preauthorization for such treatment to my insurance company. Trust me - when I an finished with this MESS - I will be an advocate for anyone and everyone! It has taken ME calling my Insurance Company and being my own ADVOCATE to get to the bottom of the stories I have been told. I am at the MERCY of others BUT it is up to me to be my own ADVOCATE. I will not complain - I will continue seeking the answers that I need in order to get the proper treatment to cure my CANCER. I am GRATEFUL for those people who have helped me in ANY small way!
Every person in this LIFE experiences certain levels of FRUSTRATION. Life is difficult and life is frustrating. It is how we HANDLE our frustrations each and every day that determines whether we become VICTIMS or whether we BOUNCE BACK and move FORWARD! At the end of each day I go to bed strong in my convictions, KNOWING that I have done EVERYTHING possible in MY POWER to solve my problems. The saying I have to say each night is "THIS TOO SHALL PASS".
I have great examples of WONDERFUL PEOPLE all around me. I am THANKFUL and I am GRATEFUL. I have wonderful friends and a great support base. I have an amazing family. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Continue to pray and me and my family. I need ALL the help I can receive! I have stayed busy. Bubba and I have been on our daily BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO rides and this is EXTREMELY therapeutic for me. If you are ever in Northeast Orem and see us riding the RED BIKE - honk and wave. Just know I am on the BACK and even though my legs are still pumping, my hands are free to wave back!!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Every individual has a place to fill in the world and is important in some respect whether he chooses to be or not. Perseverance is a great element of success if you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate - you are SURE to wake someone up".
AND....
"It is better to be a LION for a day, than a SHEEP all your life". Yes - this week I have been a LION! But a NICE lion! Love and Hugs to all. I will surely keep you updated.
I have known Marjorie since 1984 when she married her husband Don and moved into our neighborhood - into our WARD. For those of you who do not know what a WARD is - let me explain. It is a local congregation of our Church. It encompasses several blocks in a geographical area. The BISHOP is a lay clergyman - who is NOT paid - his position is much like a PASTOR in other churches. Marjorie was a newlywed - gosh I was an OLD married lady - married already for 9 years! Marjorie and I became friends and have remained friends since that time - even though I am TWO WHOLE YEARS OLDER!! I was present for the birth of the first of two sons Marjorie and Don raised. We have lived in our same homes but the WARD boundaries have changed a couple of times - meaning - there have been times we have not been in the same WARD. Four years ago when the geographical boundaries were changed once AGAIN - Marjorie and I landed up in the same WARD. I was called at that time as Primary President. That is an organization where as a Presidency - we have STEWARDSHIP over the children ages 18 months to 12 years. I knew immediately that Marjorie was to be one of my counselors.
Marjorie was diagnosed with COLON CANCER in December of 2003. At the time we were called into the Primary Presidency Marjorie had had cancer for four years. At that time she was basically in remission and served with ZEAL in her calling. The children of the WARD LOVED and continue to LOVE Marjorie. EVERYONE loves Marjorie.
For years and years each time anyone in the area had a baby - Marjorie would show up with a homemade quilt for the new mother! Each birthday Marjorie would knit a hot pad for EVERYONE and she would lovingly deliver that to the door of the birthday girl! I have a collection of Marjorie's hot pads which I use to hold my hot dishes. Marjorie is known for her amazing HOT ROLLS! Oh my goodness - if you have had the pleasure of eating one of those tasty morsels - you know what I am talking about! For many years Marjorie and Don would walk around the neighborhoods bringing green popcorn treat wreaths as Christmas Treats! Marjorie has created amazing MEMORIES for many many people. She has served all and everyone who live within the WARD boundaries and many who do not. I consider Marjorie an ANGEL ON EARTH. She has been a loving example serving others selflessly - basically all her life! I LOVE Marjorie.
Marjorie's cancer has spread. The past year has been very difficult for her. She has faced numerous hospitalizations and operations with amazing courage and grace. She has experienced a great deal of pain. This past week she had a PET scan which showed the spread of cancer throughout her body. Marjorie is self sufficient and years ago it was hard for me to know how to help and serve HER. I remember asking what I could do for HER! She told me she would love for me to come to her home and play Church Hymns on her piano. That was a great IDEA! That was something I could do for Marjorie! She lays back in her reclining chair and listens as I play. Her favorite Hymn is "I STAND ALL AMAZED" and her favorite Christmas Song is "JOY TO THE WORLD". I have loved playing for Majorie and feel that perhaps in some small way I was able to SERVE her back!
This morning I was extremely frustrated and felt that I needed to call Marjorie to see if I could play Hymns for her. She cheerfully answered the phone and lovingly greeted me. I asked her how her day was going and she told me it was a GREAT day! She was making ROLLS!!!!! She then asked me how I was - I will tell you this - with a greeting like that from Marjorie, it was extremely difficult not to say GREAT right back to her. How could I possibly tell her that I had had a terrible, awful, icky week? NOT POSSIBLE. I said I am Great because of YOUR EXAMPLE! I went to her home and talked for awhile and played her favorite Hymn. I left Marjorie's home with a plate FULL of homemade orange, raspberry and apple rolls! Marjorie is my HERO! Marjorie is an ANGEL ON EARTH! Marjorie is my Example to learn from and she is there for me - pleasantly and lovingly - ALL THE TIME! On the day I was diagnosed with cancer - November 30, 2011 - after we returned home we immediately walked the distance to Marjorie's home to tell her my news. Majorie has helped me understand different procedures, medications and I ALWAYS leave her home feeling invigorated!
Please pray for my friend Marjorie - she needs ALL of our PRAYERS! She is a huge BLESSING to so very many people - quiet, unassuming and a TRUE EXAMPLE of the meaning of LOVE - HOPE - and CHARITY! Marjorie needs our prayers! I love that LADY!
My week has been a ROYAL RUN AROUND - I will NOT be starting Treatment Monday as I had ONCE AGAIN been scheduled for. I have received the RUN AROUND from the Radiation Oncology Department at Central Utah Clinic. They have known for over a month about my treatment and what I would be needing and it was not until Wednesday the 18th that they submitted preauthorization for such treatment to my insurance company. Trust me - when I an finished with this MESS - I will be an advocate for anyone and everyone! It has taken ME calling my Insurance Company and being my own ADVOCATE to get to the bottom of the stories I have been told. I am at the MERCY of others BUT it is up to me to be my own ADVOCATE. I will not complain - I will continue seeking the answers that I need in order to get the proper treatment to cure my CANCER. I am GRATEFUL for those people who have helped me in ANY small way!
Every person in this LIFE experiences certain levels of FRUSTRATION. Life is difficult and life is frustrating. It is how we HANDLE our frustrations each and every day that determines whether we become VICTIMS or whether we BOUNCE BACK and move FORWARD! At the end of each day I go to bed strong in my convictions, KNOWING that I have done EVERYTHING possible in MY POWER to solve my problems. The saying I have to say each night is "THIS TOO SHALL PASS".
I have great examples of WONDERFUL PEOPLE all around me. I am THANKFUL and I am GRATEFUL. I have wonderful friends and a great support base. I have an amazing family. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Continue to pray and me and my family. I need ALL the help I can receive! I have stayed busy. Bubba and I have been on our daily BICYCLE BUILT FOR TWO rides and this is EXTREMELY therapeutic for me. If you are ever in Northeast Orem and see us riding the RED BIKE - honk and wave. Just know I am on the BACK and even though my legs are still pumping, my hands are free to wave back!!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "Every individual has a place to fill in the world and is important in some respect whether he chooses to be or not. Perseverance is a great element of success if you only knock long enough and loud enough at the gate - you are SURE to wake someone up".
AND....
"It is better to be a LION for a day, than a SHEEP all your life". Yes - this week I have been a LION! But a NICE lion! Love and Hugs to all. I will surely keep you updated.
Sunday, January 15, 2012
HUMBLING SUPPORT
I am very HUMBLED today! I think it must be SOMETHING I need to learn just a little better. I fought as hard as I could to begin treatment tomorrow - January 16th to NO AVAIL! THEY (those very naughty people) would have NONE of it! I got the run around from NUMEROUS people - until late Friday afternoon I took control and called Dr. Bott's office and asked to have HIM call me BEFORE he left for the evening. At the end of our conversation I at least had the reassurance that I had done everything in MY power to stand up for myself. This is ONE THING I learned early in life. If YOU do not stand up for yourself or your children, etc. NO ONE else will either! It is up to each of us to develop that level of confidence within ourselves. We are on this earth to learn and grow - part of that is knowing and loving OURSELVES! To know the depth and breadth of our own SOULS!
I teach the Young Single Adults at Church. I took a picture today of their YELLOW wrist bands showing their SUPPORT for ME! My children and grandchildren wear these same YELLOW wrist bands in SUPPORT of ME! My niece Haley and her husband Chase McCormick live in our basement apartment. They are ACUTELY aware of the day-to-day adventures going on at THIS house! They wear their wrist bands showing continued SUPPORT for ME! The Frischknecht/McCutcheon Family in Las Vegas sent a picture of their YELLOW wrist bands showing that same SUPPORT for ME! I am truly HUMBLED. I am GRATEFUL for the SUPPORT which has been and CONTINUES to be offered in my behalf!
I have wondered what kind of LESSONS are mine to learn from this JOURNEY. Evidently one of them is HUMILITY.
What is Humility? I think the meaning is often misunderstood. That perhaps a person must be down on themselves or have a poor self image in order to exhibit humility.
My BELIEF is exactly the opposite! That it takes a true understanding of one's self to feel free and secure enough to say I do some things well and others not so well! A humble person is one who seeks the advice of other people and asks questions. It is a true recognition of one's strengths AND weaknesses. A humble person still wants to LEARN even after he KNOWS IT ALL!!
My BELIEF is exactly the opposite! That it takes a true understanding of one's self to feel free and secure enough to say I do some things well and others not so well! A humble person is one who seeks the advice of other people and asks questions. It is a true recognition of one's strengths AND weaknesses. A humble person still wants to LEARN even after he KNOWS IT ALL!!
So I am counting my BLESSINGS! I am HUMBLED. I am GRATEFUL. I want to get ON WITH my treatment and I will - Monday the 23rd of January! This week I will go to Radiation Oncology Thursday to have a DRY RUN (WHATEVER!!!!) before beginning the treatment. I am truly at the MERCY of others! I am THANKFUL for the TENDER MERCIES I feel each and every day from My Heavenly Father. I know HE is in control. I know HE knows ME and my strengths and my weaknesses and I know HE knows exactly what I need. I have great FAITH!
THANK YOU to ALL of YOU for your continued SUPPORT in my behalf. Thank you for your PRAYERS! Please continue to pray for me and my family. I can HONESTLY say I FEEL THE LOVE!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "It just ain't possible to explain some things. It's interesting to wonder on them and do some speculation, but the main thing is - YOU have to accept it - take it for what it is and get on with your growing" Jim Dodge
So ON WITH MY GROWING I go - counting my BLESSINGS along the way! I will work hard this week on my business which I basically put on hold! I will work HARD! My NONPROFIT FOUNDATION is almost complete! I cannot wait to begin helping others with that very foundation!
Love and BIG HUGS TO ALL!!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
BUMMER!!
When I decided to begin blogging, I decided I would be perfectly HONEST! Wellll - It has truly been a BUMMER of a day!! Literally! While I was still reading in bed this morning I received a phone call from Radiation Oncology. I was scheduled to get my permanent TATOOS today at 11 am - something I was looking forward to simply because it was a process that needed to be completed before I can begin treatment! The LADY on the other end of the phone told me that I really didn't need to come in today because the PHYSICS department had not finished putting together my radiation plan! She said that NEXT THURSDAY would be the DAY to come get my tatoos. Last Thursday I had a CT scan at the Radiation Department of my HIPS/BUTT so the PHYSICS department could put together my plan. I was originally told it would take about TEN days. Which was a great plan - they cannot begin chemotherapy without radiation - for WHATEVER reason that is - I can handle that --- HOWEVER I am scheduled to begin treatment Monday the 16th which was the end of the TEN days! I was BUMMED that she would call and schedule what was supposed to be done TODAY for NEXT WEEK! The LADY asked if the markings they put on both sides of my hips and on my tailbone last week were still in place. I said NOT REALLY!! Those markings were done with a permanent marker and fade as you bathe daily! The LADY then proceeded to contradict what she told me two minutes earlier - that physics HAD decided the markings were in the correct place. So this is the deal - I went to Radiation Oncology and had tatoos on both hips and on my tail bone. They are NOTHING tatoos - NOTHING special, NOTHING cute, NOTHING meaningful! NOTHING NOTHING!! Just permanent markings!! So much for a great TATOO!! BUMMER!! Just know this - the one on the tailbone HURT!
I had been instructed yesterday by my Patient Care Coordinator to head upstairs to the Oncology Department after completing my tatoos to schedule a time Monday the 16th to begin treatment. Well you can very well imagine that I headed upstairs - TICKED OFF! This is what you need to know about ME! I have done motivational speaking in front of thousands of people. I know how to deal with people - I also know that I need to be a VOICE for those who a) don't know how b) do not have the courage or c) don't really care. I have the know how and I have the courage and trust me, I CARE!! You DO NOT mess with a cancer patient! I am a CANCER PATIENT! I can handle being a CANCER PATIENT - I CANNOT handle being MESSED WITH! And those of you who know me well - know me well. I will NOT be messed with!
As you walk into the Oncology Office there are lots of patients sitting, waiting for their various appointments and treatments. Usually they have a significant other with them. There are men and women with bald heads. There are people hooked up to fanny packs full of chemo! Lots of people who are struggling with this DAMN disease! Each time I go in that clinic my heart goes out to those sitting there. I try to figure out how I can actually HELP them. I am fairly NEW to the club! You can also trust that before I am finished - I will be a voice for those people!! I walked up to the desk and guess what? The people sitting there acted as though I wasn't there! Those of you who really know me know that it is KIND OF HARD to miss me! I have been 5' 11 1/2" since I was in the 8th grade! Yes - since I was 13 years old!!! That means with my flip flops on I am SIX FEET TALL!! One lady got up and walked away. The other was sitting across the whole office and asked if I had an appointment. I told her that I needed to speak with my Patient Care Coordinator. She was speaking loudly - remember she was across the room! She wanted me to tell her what I wanted from the Patient Care Coordinator. I told her that I really didn't think everyone in the office would really like to HEAR my business!!! Amazingly she invited me around the corner and over to her desk. Long story short on that - she would TEXT the Patient Care Coordinator and have her CALL ME!! Ok - Great - WHATEVER!! We (that would be BUBBA and myself) LEFT the office and headed for home - Tatoos on my BUTT!
By later in the afternoon I had not heard from the COORDINATOR! So guess what? I called again. She finally called me at the end of the day - convenient! I explained my situation - that just YESTERDAY she assured me I would be starting treatment MONDAY the 16th. Lest anyone thing I am EXCITED to have treatment - let me set you straight! I am NOT! HOWEVER, I want to get it OVER with - to wait another week is TORTURE!! I am ready - I have my mind set on doing what I need to do to be finished. I want it OVER ALREADY! So supposedly she will SPEAK with Dr. Bott sometime before tomorrow - who will speak with Dr. Blair in Radiation Oncology and I simply told her I NEED to start Monday. There is NO REASON for the STALL! As we ate dinner tonight I told my husband it reminded me of being OVERDUE when I was pregnant.
I started ELEVEN pregnancies! Now don't get me wrong - I had NO intention of having ELEVEN children - it is simply what it took to bear FOUR children. I LOVED my babies!! Each time I was given a due date I had the mind set that I could do it in LESS time - that I would go early and beat that 9 MONTH gestation period! SILLY ME! With all that POSITIVE thinking, jumping rope on my due date, Castor Oil, the whole NINE YARDS, My due date came and went FOUR TIMES! The first pregnancy I had the due date of October 13, 1976! I remember by August the doctor telling me that I was big enough - perhaps my dates were wrong - and that I could have the baby any time! HA HA HA HA HA! I was so excited - thinking my baby would come early. This is what you need to know - I had KASEY November 2, 1976. Election Day! Jimmy Carter was elected President of the United States. The FIRST time I was registered to vote! Kasey came 20 days LATE!! So much for August - So much for EARLY! After 56 hours of labor he weighed in at just about ELEVEN pounds! Yes - that's correct - ELEVEN pounds! Pretty darn near killed me!
KAMIE was due March 6, 1978. I was bound and determined NOT to let that day pass without having my baby! I got up early, took a HUGE dosage of Castor Oil and went immediately into labor! YAY - there was NO WAY I was going to pass that date! After a day of MISERY - going to hospital only to get sent HOME I was so distraught thinking I had to wait AGAIN! March 20, 1976 - 14 days late - KAMIE was born at 9 1/2 pounds. GOSH!!! Kamie was my shortest labor - ONLY 12 hours!!
KURT was due May 11, 1980. That was a Sunday and it happened to be Mother's Day. I remember going to Church and EVERYONE encouraging me - I could hurry and STILL have a baby that day! If you can imagine - I still had positive thoughts - thinking I could actually have that baby! Sunday and Monday passed, Tuesday I ran all my errands and came home with the two little ones and I was MAD! I walked up the stairs and kicked off my shoe so hard that it went sailing down the stairs and THROUGH the window by the side of the door. HA HA - that was enough to start me into labor - it only took until Thursday at about 5 pm to give birth - I was thrilled!! ONLY four days late! ONLY 9 pounds EVEN! I felt I had this thing under control!
KELSI was due July 29, 1982. That was my grandma's birthday and had she actually been born that day, she would have been Katie - after my grandma! Long story short - Kelsi was born August 15, 1982 - 16 days late - TEN POUNDS even! Just tonight on her husband's facebook page - there is a picture of the sign at their FIRST hypnobirthing class! Good luck my baby girl! I hope and pray it WORKS for YOU!! Kelsi's first baby - a girl - is due in March - I WANT and NEED to be finished with my treatment. I WANT to be there for Kelsi! I would LOVE to tell you HER daughter's name - I can't YET!! Just you wait!!
Now that you know my birthing history - you may catch of glimpse of my FEELINGS! If I have ANYTHING at all to do with my own destiny - I am going to take control and grab it by the horns! I have done this all my life! I am bound and determined NOT to wait until January 23rd to start my treatment. I will be loud and I will be a voice and I will let THEM know that this is NOT all right! In fact - It is just WRONG! You can trust I will keep you updated on my progress. I am prepared mentally at this point to wait until then but I will FIGHT my hardest to be able to start my treatment on the day I was scheduled for! It is WRONG to mess with a CANCER patient - It is WRONG to mess with ME!!!
So my friends - I will PROMISE you this - I will help any and all CANCER patients that I come in contact with. I will help anyone - any time. Most people do not realize or even know that they DO have a voice. I will help with that. My foundation is almost finished. I will be raising money to help these people. Last week when I went for my semi-permanent tatoos I had to have my PORTACATH flushed with Heparin. I asked (because I had been told) about some numbing cream BEFORE they accessed the site. Imagine this - at the Oncologist's office there is NO numbing cream. These CANCER patients who have Portacaths implanted into their bodies have blood drawn through them, have chemo infused through them, have them accessed LOTS and LOTS of times. I will be frankly HONEST! It HURTS! It does NOT feel good. I was informed there was no numbing cream. I will make sure that people KNOW they can have this called in as a prescription. There is NO need to feel that particular pain. There is ENOUGH pain without feeling pain from having a Portacath accessed! I will be a VOICE for people and let them know their OPTIONS! I LOVE options! As long as I have OPTIONS I can survive. Can you imagine a world with no OPTIONS????? UGH - I cannot even imagine.
So today has been a bit of a BUMMER. I can laugh now and I am happier tonight. I am very BLESSED. I am not complaining at all - I am simply telling a story of how it FEELS and what it is REALLY like! I am BLESSED! I have HOPE! I have a wonderfully amazing HUSBAND who holds my hand through ALL of this! I am so THANKFUL and GRATEFUL! I have been inboxed by so many of my friends and so many people have left wonderfully amazing messages that stir my SOUL! You lift my SPIRITS! You help to make this BEARABLE for me! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know what I can do for YOU!
Please continue to pray for me and my family. I am so THANKFUL for ALL of you. It has been a long day - It has been a LONG week! I am excited to go to bed tonight - to have my WINDOWS wide open in my room and have the covers pulled up around me. I am excited to have BUBBA by my side. I am EXCITED to get this OVER WITH!! LOVE and MANY HUGS to ALL of YOU!!!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "HOPE----That bubbling ingredient in Life which is like Carbonation in a Drink; Giving it Zest, Keeping it in Motion, Always pushing it up...." I have HOPE - I am THANKFUL!!
I had been instructed yesterday by my Patient Care Coordinator to head upstairs to the Oncology Department after completing my tatoos to schedule a time Monday the 16th to begin treatment. Well you can very well imagine that I headed upstairs - TICKED OFF! This is what you need to know about ME! I have done motivational speaking in front of thousands of people. I know how to deal with people - I also know that I need to be a VOICE for those who a) don't know how b) do not have the courage or c) don't really care. I have the know how and I have the courage and trust me, I CARE!! You DO NOT mess with a cancer patient! I am a CANCER PATIENT! I can handle being a CANCER PATIENT - I CANNOT handle being MESSED WITH! And those of you who know me well - know me well. I will NOT be messed with!
As you walk into the Oncology Office there are lots of patients sitting, waiting for their various appointments and treatments. Usually they have a significant other with them. There are men and women with bald heads. There are people hooked up to fanny packs full of chemo! Lots of people who are struggling with this DAMN disease! Each time I go in that clinic my heart goes out to those sitting there. I try to figure out how I can actually HELP them. I am fairly NEW to the club! You can also trust that before I am finished - I will be a voice for those people!! I walked up to the desk and guess what? The people sitting there acted as though I wasn't there! Those of you who really know me know that it is KIND OF HARD to miss me! I have been 5' 11 1/2" since I was in the 8th grade! Yes - since I was 13 years old!!! That means with my flip flops on I am SIX FEET TALL!! One lady got up and walked away. The other was sitting across the whole office and asked if I had an appointment. I told her that I needed to speak with my Patient Care Coordinator. She was speaking loudly - remember she was across the room! She wanted me to tell her what I wanted from the Patient Care Coordinator. I told her that I really didn't think everyone in the office would really like to HEAR my business!!! Amazingly she invited me around the corner and over to her desk. Long story short on that - she would TEXT the Patient Care Coordinator and have her CALL ME!! Ok - Great - WHATEVER!! We (that would be BUBBA and myself) LEFT the office and headed for home - Tatoos on my BUTT!
By later in the afternoon I had not heard from the COORDINATOR! So guess what? I called again. She finally called me at the end of the day - convenient! I explained my situation - that just YESTERDAY she assured me I would be starting treatment MONDAY the 16th. Lest anyone thing I am EXCITED to have treatment - let me set you straight! I am NOT! HOWEVER, I want to get it OVER with - to wait another week is TORTURE!! I am ready - I have my mind set on doing what I need to do to be finished. I want it OVER ALREADY! So supposedly she will SPEAK with Dr. Bott sometime before tomorrow - who will speak with Dr. Blair in Radiation Oncology and I simply told her I NEED to start Monday. There is NO REASON for the STALL! As we ate dinner tonight I told my husband it reminded me of being OVERDUE when I was pregnant.
I started ELEVEN pregnancies! Now don't get me wrong - I had NO intention of having ELEVEN children - it is simply what it took to bear FOUR children. I LOVED my babies!! Each time I was given a due date I had the mind set that I could do it in LESS time - that I would go early and beat that 9 MONTH gestation period! SILLY ME! With all that POSITIVE thinking, jumping rope on my due date, Castor Oil, the whole NINE YARDS, My due date came and went FOUR TIMES! The first pregnancy I had the due date of October 13, 1976! I remember by August the doctor telling me that I was big enough - perhaps my dates were wrong - and that I could have the baby any time! HA HA HA HA HA! I was so excited - thinking my baby would come early. This is what you need to know - I had KASEY November 2, 1976. Election Day! Jimmy Carter was elected President of the United States. The FIRST time I was registered to vote! Kasey came 20 days LATE!! So much for August - So much for EARLY! After 56 hours of labor he weighed in at just about ELEVEN pounds! Yes - that's correct - ELEVEN pounds! Pretty darn near killed me!
KAMIE was due March 6, 1978. I was bound and determined NOT to let that day pass without having my baby! I got up early, took a HUGE dosage of Castor Oil and went immediately into labor! YAY - there was NO WAY I was going to pass that date! After a day of MISERY - going to hospital only to get sent HOME I was so distraught thinking I had to wait AGAIN! March 20, 1976 - 14 days late - KAMIE was born at 9 1/2 pounds. GOSH!!! Kamie was my shortest labor - ONLY 12 hours!!
KURT was due May 11, 1980. That was a Sunday and it happened to be Mother's Day. I remember going to Church and EVERYONE encouraging me - I could hurry and STILL have a baby that day! If you can imagine - I still had positive thoughts - thinking I could actually have that baby! Sunday and Monday passed, Tuesday I ran all my errands and came home with the two little ones and I was MAD! I walked up the stairs and kicked off my shoe so hard that it went sailing down the stairs and THROUGH the window by the side of the door. HA HA - that was enough to start me into labor - it only took until Thursday at about 5 pm to give birth - I was thrilled!! ONLY four days late! ONLY 9 pounds EVEN! I felt I had this thing under control!
KELSI was due July 29, 1982. That was my grandma's birthday and had she actually been born that day, she would have been Katie - after my grandma! Long story short - Kelsi was born August 15, 1982 - 16 days late - TEN POUNDS even! Just tonight on her husband's facebook page - there is a picture of the sign at their FIRST hypnobirthing class! Good luck my baby girl! I hope and pray it WORKS for YOU!! Kelsi's first baby - a girl - is due in March - I WANT and NEED to be finished with my treatment. I WANT to be there for Kelsi! I would LOVE to tell you HER daughter's name - I can't YET!! Just you wait!!
Now that you know my birthing history - you may catch of glimpse of my FEELINGS! If I have ANYTHING at all to do with my own destiny - I am going to take control and grab it by the horns! I have done this all my life! I am bound and determined NOT to wait until January 23rd to start my treatment. I will be loud and I will be a voice and I will let THEM know that this is NOT all right! In fact - It is just WRONG! You can trust I will keep you updated on my progress. I am prepared mentally at this point to wait until then but I will FIGHT my hardest to be able to start my treatment on the day I was scheduled for! It is WRONG to mess with a CANCER patient - It is WRONG to mess with ME!!!
So my friends - I will PROMISE you this - I will help any and all CANCER patients that I come in contact with. I will help anyone - any time. Most people do not realize or even know that they DO have a voice. I will help with that. My foundation is almost finished. I will be raising money to help these people. Last week when I went for my semi-permanent tatoos I had to have my PORTACATH flushed with Heparin. I asked (because I had been told) about some numbing cream BEFORE they accessed the site. Imagine this - at the Oncologist's office there is NO numbing cream. These CANCER patients who have Portacaths implanted into their bodies have blood drawn through them, have chemo infused through them, have them accessed LOTS and LOTS of times. I will be frankly HONEST! It HURTS! It does NOT feel good. I was informed there was no numbing cream. I will make sure that people KNOW they can have this called in as a prescription. There is NO need to feel that particular pain. There is ENOUGH pain without feeling pain from having a Portacath accessed! I will be a VOICE for people and let them know their OPTIONS! I LOVE options! As long as I have OPTIONS I can survive. Can you imagine a world with no OPTIONS????? UGH - I cannot even imagine.
So today has been a bit of a BUMMER. I can laugh now and I am happier tonight. I am very BLESSED. I am not complaining at all - I am simply telling a story of how it FEELS and what it is REALLY like! I am BLESSED! I have HOPE! I have a wonderfully amazing HUSBAND who holds my hand through ALL of this! I am so THANKFUL and GRATEFUL! I have been inboxed by so many of my friends and so many people have left wonderfully amazing messages that stir my SOUL! You lift my SPIRITS! You help to make this BEARABLE for me! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know what I can do for YOU!
Please continue to pray for me and my family. I am so THANKFUL for ALL of you. It has been a long day - It has been a LONG week! I am excited to go to bed tonight - to have my WINDOWS wide open in my room and have the covers pulled up around me. I am excited to have BUBBA by my side. I am EXCITED to get this OVER WITH!! LOVE and MANY HUGS to ALL of YOU!!!
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "HOPE----That bubbling ingredient in Life which is like Carbonation in a Drink; Giving it Zest, Keeping it in Motion, Always pushing it up...." I have HOPE - I am THANKFUL!!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
STAGING
I went to Salt Lake City today to LDS Hospital to have a rectal sonogram which staged my disease. I am going to be TRUTHFUL!! For the last four weeks I have been in limbo. I was told on December 7th that the mass was the size of a TENNIS ball! That SCARED me! I went through the Holidays being upbeat and cheerful! I did not share my fear with anyone other than BUBBA!! I was told that I could not feel the mass. However, every time I felt even the slightest twinge I was afraid that I was full of cancer. Because I did not know what I was truly up against, it was a very difficult experience. I HONESTLY have never wanted the Holidays to pass so quickly! I NEEDED to get to TODAY!!
My DEAR family and friends - I need to tell you that I have FELT your PRAYERS!! I go to bed at night and lay behind BUBBA with a SMILE on my face! I can HONESTLY FEEL the love and warmth! Can I tell you how incredibly GRATEFUL I am for each one of you! I have so much GRATITUDE in my heart and I am so THANKFUL! THANK YOU!
Yesterday was the third time in four weeks that I had a CLEAR LIQUID day - ugh - then the drinking of the NASTY stuff once again! I felt sick - I was nauseated - I did not want to be going through this AGAIN! We arrived at the Hospital at 8 am. I was scheduled for 9 am. I went through the USUAL procedures to be ready for the staging. I was on the table and they allowed BUBBA to be there with me. My blood pressure was elevated until he came and stood by me and held my hand. I LOVE holding hands with him. I calmed right down. The doctor came in and began the procedure. This was done without anesthesia this time. He did the ultrasound and spoke to me through the whole thing.
I BELIEVE in the POWER OF PRAYER! I cried when he was finished because I was SO THANKFUL! The BAD NEWS -- I have CANCER - we already knew that. The GOOD NEWS???? I am STAGED at a IIA T3 NO MO level. That in simple terms means - there are NO lymph nodes involved. There are NO organs involved. The lesion is about 3x5 cm. 3 cm is about an INCH. That is a FAR CRY smaller than a TENNIS BALL! Can I tell you how GRATEFUL I am??? Can I tell you I BELIEVE???
The RELIEF I felt today was huge. I have NEVER felt such relief. I KNOW now what I am dealing with. I can FIGHT! I am a FIGHTER!! We went immediately back to Provo where we met at 1 pm with Radiation Oncology. I have permanently marked sites on my BUTT! That will stay until next Thursday when I will get my TATOOS! To be HONEST - I have always SECRETLY wanted a Tatoo. Ha Ha - Now I get a few! January 16th I start chemotherapy and radiation concurrently for 28 treatments. Five days a week means 5 weeks and 3 days. I know there will be ups and downs. Bring them ON!! I am ready to FIGHT this head-on!!
I have friends who have lost children - Jamie and Linda to name a few. I have friends who have spouses or children going through trials of their own - Ann and Audrey. I have friends who are currently battling and have battled CANCER - Marjorie, Linda, Mary Kay, Sue, Barbara. I know there are more I am not naming. This is the DEAL - We ALL have trials and tribulations we go through on this EARTH! That is why we are HERE! We are here to learn and to grow and to stretch and most importantly - we are here to BEAR one another's burdens. On my facebook site my favorite quote states -
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other???"
That is the way I have tried to live my life. To HELP others. I will help ANY of you any time you need me! I will pray for you - I will help you in any way I can possibly help. I want to start a Nonprofit Foundation. I want to raise money for those in need. For those who are undergoing similar trials and tribulations who may not have the resources needed to battle their TRIAL! My deductible alone is $10,000.00. How do people pay that kind of money? I want to USE THIS DISEASE as a way to HELP other people and I will SUCCEED! I will continue to blog about this and together we can put together a FOUNDATION which will HELP OTHERS! I am EXCITED to get through this - to get better and move on. I will be the BIGGEST CANCER advocate around. I promise to help others in their time of need.
Please continue to pray for me and my family. Look what we have already ACCOMPLISHED! I am GRATEFUL! I am THANKFUL. My heart is so full tonight. I am EXHAUSTED! I am BEAT and TIRED but tomorrow is a NEW DAY! I can hardly wait to wake up and greet the beauty of TOMORROW! Never waste a day. Never waste a minute. Spend your time and energy thinking positive thoughts and helping others. This is a WONDERFUL LIFE.
I have another favorite quote - it is a New Year's message from Britain's King George to his embattled people at the beginning of WWII. I love what he said..... I said to the man at the gate of the year, "Give me a light that I may go forth into the unknown." And the man replied, "Put your hand into the hand of GOD. That shall be to you better than a light, safer than a known way."
Friends - I have put my hand in the hand of GOD. He will be by my side helping and guiding and directing me in this current JOURNEY I have to take. My oncologist called me later this afternoon and told me this is GOOD NEWS!! He was HAPPY. I can be CURED!! All I need are PRAYERS and FAITH in my behalf! I have enough FAITH for ALL of us!! Please continue praying for me. Love and hugs to ALL. I am THANKFUL!!
My DEAR family and friends - I need to tell you that I have FELT your PRAYERS!! I go to bed at night and lay behind BUBBA with a SMILE on my face! I can HONESTLY FEEL the love and warmth! Can I tell you how incredibly GRATEFUL I am for each one of you! I have so much GRATITUDE in my heart and I am so THANKFUL! THANK YOU!
Yesterday was the third time in four weeks that I had a CLEAR LIQUID day - ugh - then the drinking of the NASTY stuff once again! I felt sick - I was nauseated - I did not want to be going through this AGAIN! We arrived at the Hospital at 8 am. I was scheduled for 9 am. I went through the USUAL procedures to be ready for the staging. I was on the table and they allowed BUBBA to be there with me. My blood pressure was elevated until he came and stood by me and held my hand. I LOVE holding hands with him. I calmed right down. The doctor came in and began the procedure. This was done without anesthesia this time. He did the ultrasound and spoke to me through the whole thing.
I BELIEVE in the POWER OF PRAYER! I cried when he was finished because I was SO THANKFUL! The BAD NEWS -- I have CANCER - we already knew that. The GOOD NEWS???? I am STAGED at a IIA T3 NO MO level. That in simple terms means - there are NO lymph nodes involved. There are NO organs involved. The lesion is about 3x5 cm. 3 cm is about an INCH. That is a FAR CRY smaller than a TENNIS BALL! Can I tell you how GRATEFUL I am??? Can I tell you I BELIEVE???
The RELIEF I felt today was huge. I have NEVER felt such relief. I KNOW now what I am dealing with. I can FIGHT! I am a FIGHTER!! We went immediately back to Provo where we met at 1 pm with Radiation Oncology. I have permanently marked sites on my BUTT! That will stay until next Thursday when I will get my TATOOS! To be HONEST - I have always SECRETLY wanted a Tatoo. Ha Ha - Now I get a few! January 16th I start chemotherapy and radiation concurrently for 28 treatments. Five days a week means 5 weeks and 3 days. I know there will be ups and downs. Bring them ON!! I am ready to FIGHT this head-on!!
I have friends who have lost children - Jamie and Linda to name a few. I have friends who have spouses or children going through trials of their own - Ann and Audrey. I have friends who are currently battling and have battled CANCER - Marjorie, Linda, Mary Kay, Sue, Barbara. I know there are more I am not naming. This is the DEAL - We ALL have trials and tribulations we go through on this EARTH! That is why we are HERE! We are here to learn and to grow and to stretch and most importantly - we are here to BEAR one another's burdens. On my facebook site my favorite quote states -
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other???"
That is the way I have tried to live my life. To HELP others. I will help ANY of you any time you need me! I will pray for you - I will help you in any way I can possibly help. I want to start a Nonprofit Foundation. I want to raise money for those in need. For those who are undergoing similar trials and tribulations who may not have the resources needed to battle their TRIAL! My deductible alone is $10,000.00. How do people pay that kind of money? I want to USE THIS DISEASE as a way to HELP other people and I will SUCCEED! I will continue to blog about this and together we can put together a FOUNDATION which will HELP OTHERS! I am EXCITED to get through this - to get better and move on. I will be the BIGGEST CANCER advocate around. I promise to help others in their time of need.
Please continue to pray for me and my family. Look what we have already ACCOMPLISHED! I am GRATEFUL! I am THANKFUL. My heart is so full tonight. I am EXHAUSTED! I am BEAT and TIRED but tomorrow is a NEW DAY! I can hardly wait to wake up and greet the beauty of TOMORROW! Never waste a day. Never waste a minute. Spend your time and energy thinking positive thoughts and helping others. This is a WONDERFUL LIFE.
I have another favorite quote - it is a New Year's message from Britain's King George to his embattled people at the beginning of WWII. I love what he said..... I said to the man at the gate of the year, "Give me a light that I may go forth into the unknown." And the man replied, "Put your hand into the hand of GOD. That shall be to you better than a light, safer than a known way."
Friends - I have put my hand in the hand of GOD. He will be by my side helping and guiding and directing me in this current JOURNEY I have to take. My oncologist called me later this afternoon and told me this is GOOD NEWS!! He was HAPPY. I can be CURED!! All I need are PRAYERS and FAITH in my behalf! I have enough FAITH for ALL of us!! Please continue praying for me. Love and hugs to ALL. I am THANKFUL!!
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