BUMMER!!

When I decided to begin blogging, I decided I would be perfectly HONEST!   Wellll -  It has truly been a BUMMER of a day!!  Literally!  While I was still reading in bed this morning I received a phone call from Radiation Oncology.  I was scheduled to get my permanent TATOOS today at 11 am - something I was looking forward to simply because it was a process that needed to be completed before I can begin treatment!  The LADY on the other end of the phone told me that I really didn't need to come in today because  the PHYSICS department had not finished putting together my radiation plan!  She said that NEXT THURSDAY would be the DAY to come get my tatoos.  Last Thursday I had a CT scan at the Radiation Department of my HIPS/BUTT so the PHYSICS department could put together my plan.  I was originally told it would take about TEN days.  Which was a great plan - they cannot begin chemotherapy without radiation - for WHATEVER reason that is - I can handle that ---  HOWEVER I am scheduled to begin treatment Monday the 16th which was the end of the TEN days!    I was BUMMED that she would call and schedule what was supposed to be done TODAY for NEXT WEEK!  The LADY asked if the markings they put on both sides of my hips and on my tailbone last week were still in place.  I said NOT REALLY!!  Those markings were done with a permanent marker and fade as you bathe daily!  The LADY then proceeded to contradict what she told me two minutes earlier - that physics HAD decided the markings were in the correct place.  So this is the deal - I went to Radiation Oncology and had tatoos on both hips and on my tail bone.  They are NOTHING tatoos - NOTHING special, NOTHING cute, NOTHING meaningful!  NOTHING NOTHING!!  Just permanent markings!!  So much for a great TATOO!!  BUMMER!!  Just know this - the one on the tailbone HURT!

I had been instructed yesterday by my Patient Care Coordinator to head upstairs to the Oncology Department after completing my tatoos to schedule a time Monday the 16th to begin treatment.  Well you can very well imagine that I headed upstairs - TICKED OFF!  This is what you need to know about ME!  I have done motivational speaking in front of thousands of people.  I know how to deal with people - I also know that I need to be a VOICE for those who  a) don't know how   b) do not have the courage or  c) don't really care.  I have the know how and I have the courage and trust me, I CARE!!  You DO NOT mess with a cancer patient!  I am a CANCER PATIENT!  I can handle being a CANCER PATIENT - I CANNOT handle being MESSED WITH!  And those of you who know me well - know me well.  I will NOT be messed with!

As you walk into the Oncology Office there are lots of patients sitting, waiting for their various appointments and treatments. Usually they have a significant other with them.  There are men and women with bald heads.  There are people hooked up to fanny packs full of chemo!  Lots of people who are struggling with this DAMN disease!  Each time I go in that clinic my heart goes out to those sitting there.  I try to figure out how I can actually HELP them.  I am fairly NEW to the club!  You can also trust that before I am finished - I will be a voice for those people!!   I walked up to the desk and guess what?   The people sitting there acted as though I wasn't there!  Those of you who really know me know that it is KIND OF HARD to miss me!  I have been 5' 11 1/2" since I was in the 8th grade!   Yes - since I was 13 years old!!!  That means with my flip flops on I am SIX FEET TALL!!  One lady got up and walked away.  The other was sitting across the whole office and asked if I had an appointment.  I told her that I needed to speak with my Patient Care Coordinator.  She was speaking loudly - remember she was across the room!  She wanted me to tell her what I wanted from the Patient Care Coordinator.  I told her that I really didn't think everyone in the office would really like to HEAR my business!!!  Amazingly she invited me around the corner and over to her desk.  Long story short on that - she would TEXT the Patient Care Coordinator and have her CALL ME!!  Ok - Great - WHATEVER!!  We (that would be BUBBA and myself) LEFT the office and headed for home - Tatoos on my BUTT!

By later in the afternoon I had not heard from the COORDINATOR!  So guess what?  I called again.  She finally called me at the end of the day - convenient!  I explained my situation - that just YESTERDAY she assured me I would be starting treatment MONDAY the 16th.  Lest anyone thing I am EXCITED to have treatment - let me set you straight!  I am NOT!  HOWEVER, I want to get it OVER with - to wait another week is TORTURE!!  I am ready - I have my mind set on doing what I need to do to be finished.  I want it OVER ALREADY!  So supposedly she will SPEAK with Dr. Bott sometime before tomorrow - who will speak with Dr. Blair in Radiation Oncology and I simply told her I NEED to start Monday.  There is NO REASON for the STALL!   As we ate dinner tonight I told my husband it reminded me of being OVERDUE when I was pregnant.

I started ELEVEN pregnancies!  Now don't get me wrong - I had NO intention of having ELEVEN children - it is simply what it took to bear FOUR children.  I LOVED my babies!!  Each time I was given a due date I had the mind set that I could do it in LESS time - that I would go early and beat that 9 MONTH gestation period!  SILLY ME!  With all that POSITIVE thinking, jumping rope on my due date, Castor Oil, the whole NINE YARDS,  My due date came and went FOUR TIMES!  The first pregnancy I had the due date of October 13, 1976!  I remember by August the doctor telling me that I was big enough - perhaps my dates were wrong - and that I could have the baby any time!   HA HA HA HA HA!  I was so excited - thinking my baby would come early.  This is what you need to know - I had KASEY November 2, 1976.  Election Day!  Jimmy Carter was elected President of the United States.  The FIRST time I was registered to vote!  Kasey came 20 days LATE!!  So much for August -  So much for EARLY!  After 56 hours of labor he weighed in at just about ELEVEN pounds!  Yes - that's correct - ELEVEN pounds!  Pretty darn near killed me!

KAMIE was due March 6, 1978.  I was bound and determined NOT to let that day pass without having my baby!  I got up early, took a HUGE dosage of Castor Oil and went immediately into labor!  YAY - there was NO WAY I was going to pass that date!  After a day of MISERY - going to hospital only to get sent HOME I was so distraught thinking I had to wait AGAIN!   March 20, 1976  - 14 days late - KAMIE was born at 9 1/2 pounds.  GOSH!!!  Kamie was my shortest labor - ONLY 12 hours!!

KURT was due May 11, 1980.  That was a Sunday and it happened to be Mother's Day.  I remember going to Church and EVERYONE encouraging me - I could hurry and STILL have a baby that day!  If you can imagine - I still had positive thoughts - thinking I could actually have that baby!  Sunday and Monday passed, Tuesday I ran all my errands and came home with the two little ones and I was MAD!  I walked up the stairs and kicked off my shoe so hard that it went sailing down the stairs and THROUGH the window by the side of the door.  HA HA - that was enough to start me into labor - it only took until Thursday at about 5 pm to give birth - I was thrilled!!  ONLY four days late!  ONLY 9 pounds EVEN!   I felt I had this thing under control! 

KELSI was due July 29, 1982.  That was my grandma's birthday and had she actually been born that day, she would have been Katie - after my grandma!  Long story short - Kelsi was born August 15, 1982 - 16 days late - TEN POUNDS even!  Just tonight on  her husband's facebook page - there is a picture of the sign at their FIRST hypnobirthing class!   Good luck my baby girl!  I hope and pray it WORKS for YOU!!  Kelsi's first baby - a girl - is due in March - I WANT and NEED to be finished with my treatment.  I WANT to be there for Kelsi! I would LOVE to tell you HER  daughter's name - I can't YET!!  Just you wait!!

Now that you know my birthing history - you may catch of glimpse of my FEELINGS!  If I have ANYTHING at all to do with my own destiny - I am going to take control and grab it by the horns!  I have done this all my life!  I am bound and determined NOT to wait until January 23rd to start my treatment.  I will be loud and I will be a voice and I will let THEM know that this is NOT all right!  In fact - It is just WRONG!  You can trust I will keep you updated on my progress.  I am prepared mentally at this point to wait until then but I will FIGHT my hardest to be able to start my treatment on the day I was scheduled for!  It is WRONG to mess with a CANCER patient - It is WRONG to mess with ME!!!

So my friends - I will PROMISE you this - I will help any and all CANCER patients that I come in contact with.  I will help anyone - any time.  Most people do not realize or even know that they DO have a voice.  I will help with that.  My foundation is almost finished.  I will be raising money to help these people.  Last week when I went for my semi-permanent tatoos I had to have my PORTACATH flushed with Heparin.  I asked (because I had been told) about some numbing cream BEFORE they accessed the site.  Imagine this - at the Oncologist's office there is NO numbing cream.  These CANCER patients who have Portacaths implanted into their bodies have blood drawn through them, have chemo infused through them, have them accessed LOTS and LOTS of times.  I will be frankly HONEST!  It HURTS!  It does NOT feel good.  I was informed there was no numbing cream.  I will make sure that people KNOW they can have this called in as a prescription.  There is NO need to feel that particular pain.  There is ENOUGH pain without feeling pain from having a Portacath accessed!  I will be a VOICE for people and let them know their OPTIONS!  I LOVE options!  As long as I have OPTIONS I can survive.  Can you imagine a world with no OPTIONS?????   UGH - I cannot even imagine.

So today has been a bit of a BUMMER.  I can laugh now and I am happier tonight.  I am very BLESSED.  I am not complaining at all - I am simply telling a story of how it FEELS and what it is REALLY like!   I am BLESSED!  I have HOPE!  I have a wonderfully amazing HUSBAND who holds my hand through ALL of this!  I am so THANKFUL and GRATEFUL!  I have been inboxed by so many of my friends and so many people have left wonderfully amazing messages that stir my SOUL!  You lift my SPIRITS!  You help to make this BEARABLE for me!  PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know what I can do for YOU! 

Please continue to pray for me and my family.  I am so THANKFUL for ALL of you.  It has been a long day - It has been a LONG week!  I am excited to go to bed tonight - to have my WINDOWS wide open in my room and  have the covers pulled up around me.  I am excited to have BUBBA by my side.  I am EXCITED to get this OVER WITH!!   LOVE and MANY HUGS to ALL of YOU!!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:   "HOPE----That bubbling ingredient in Life which is like Carbonation in a Drink; Giving it Zest, Keeping it in Motion, Always pushing it up...."   I have HOPE - I am THANKFUL!!