STAGING

I went to Salt Lake City today to LDS Hospital to have a rectal sonogram which staged my disease.  I am going to be TRUTHFUL!!  For the last four weeks I have been in limbo.  I was told on December 7th that the mass was the size of a TENNIS ball!  That SCARED me!  I went through the Holidays being upbeat and cheerful!  I did not share my fear with anyone other than BUBBA!!  I was told that I could not feel the mass.  However, every time I felt even the slightest twinge I was afraid that I was full of cancer.  Because I did not know what I was truly up against, it was a very difficult experience.  I HONESTLY have never wanted the Holidays to pass so quickly!  I NEEDED to get to TODAY!! 

My DEAR family and friends - I need to tell you that I have FELT your PRAYERS!!  I go to bed at night and lay behind BUBBA with a SMILE on my face!  I can HONESTLY FEEL the love and warmth!  Can I tell you how incredibly GRATEFUL I am for each one of you!  I have so much GRATITUDE in my heart and I am so THANKFUL!  THANK YOU!

Yesterday was the third time in four weeks that I had a CLEAR LIQUID day - ugh - then the drinking of the NASTY stuff once again!  I felt sick - I was nauseated - I did not want to be going through this AGAIN!  We arrived at the Hospital at 8 am.  I was scheduled for 9 am.  I went through the USUAL procedures to be ready for the staging.  I was on the table and they allowed BUBBA to be there with me.  My blood pressure was elevated until he came and stood by me and held my hand.  I LOVE holding hands with him.  I calmed right down.  The doctor came in and began the procedure.  This was done without anesthesia this time.  He did the ultrasound and spoke to me through the whole thing. 

I BELIEVE in the POWER OF PRAYER!  I cried when he was finished because I was SO THANKFUL!  The BAD NEWS --  I have CANCER - we already knew that.  The GOOD NEWS????  I am STAGED at a IIA T3 NO MO level.  That in simple terms means - there are NO lymph nodes involved.  There are NO organs involved.   The lesion is about 3x5 cm.  3 cm is about an INCH.  That is a FAR CRY smaller than a TENNIS BALL!   Can I tell you how GRATEFUL I am???  Can I tell you I BELIEVE??? 

The RELIEF I felt today was huge.  I have NEVER felt such relief.  I KNOW now what I am dealing with.  I can FIGHT!  I am a FIGHTER!!  We went immediately back to Provo where we met at 1 pm with Radiation Oncology.  I have permanently marked sites on my BUTT!  That will stay until next Thursday when I will get my TATOOS!   To be HONEST - I have always SECRETLY wanted a Tatoo.  Ha Ha - Now I get a few!   January 16th I start chemotherapy and radiation concurrently for 28 treatments.  Five days a week means 5 weeks and 3 days.  I know there will be ups and downs.  Bring them ON!!  I am ready to FIGHT this head-on!!

I have friends who have lost children - Jamie and Linda to name a few.  I have friends who have spouses or children going through trials of their own - Ann and Audrey.  I have friends who are currently battling and have battled CANCER - Marjorie, Linda, Mary Kay, Sue, Barbara.  I know there are more I am not naming.  This is the DEAL - We ALL have trials and tribulations we go through on this EARTH!  That is why we are HERE!  We are here to learn and to grow and to stretch and most importantly - we are here to BEAR one another's burdens.  On my facebook site my favorite quote states -
"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other???" 

That is the way I have tried to live my life.  To HELP others.  I will help ANY of you any time you need me!  I will pray for you - I will help you in any way I can possibly help.  I want to start a Nonprofit Foundation.  I want to raise money for those in need.  For those who are undergoing similar trials and tribulations who may not have the resources needed to battle their TRIAL!  My deductible alone is $10,000.00.  How do people pay that kind of money?  I want to USE THIS DISEASE as a way to HELP other people and I will SUCCEED!  I will continue to blog about this and together we can put together a FOUNDATION which will HELP OTHERS!   I am EXCITED to get through this - to get better and move on.  I will be the BIGGEST CANCER advocate around.  I promise to help others in their time of need. 

Please continue to pray for me and my family.  Look what we have already ACCOMPLISHED!   I am GRATEFUL!  I am THANKFUL.  My heart is so full tonight.  I am EXHAUSTED!  I am BEAT and TIRED but tomorrow is a NEW DAY!   I can hardly wait to wake up and greet the beauty of TOMORROW!  Never waste a day.  Never waste a minute.  Spend your time and energy thinking positive thoughts and helping others.  This is a WONDERFUL LIFE.

I have another favorite quote - it is a New Year's message from Britain's King George to his embattled people at the beginning of WWII.  I love what he said.....    I said to the man at the gate of the year, "Give me a light that I may go forth into the unknown."  And the man replied, "Put your hand into the hand of GOD.  That shall be to you better than a light, safer than a known way."

Friends - I have put my hand in the hand of GOD.  He will be by my side helping and guiding and directing me in this current JOURNEY I have to take.  My oncologist called me later this afternoon and told me this is GOOD NEWS!!  He was HAPPY.  I can be CURED!!  All I need are PRAYERS and FAITH in my behalf!  I have enough FAITH for ALL of us!!  Please continue praying for me.  Love and hugs to ALL.  I am THANKFUL!!