I AM FINISHED.... WITH THIS PART..

I FINISHED my RADIATION and CHEMOTHERAPY treatments today - EARLIER than expected!  I cannot begin to tell you how incredibly GRATEFUL and THANKFUL I am!  Monday I completed day 25 out of 28 treatments.  Tuesday was an x-ray day in Radiation but I still had the chemo pump on - so that was day 26.  Today I was supposed to start the BOOST radiation for three days - Today, Thursday and Friday.  Friday was to be my last day.  I see the radiation doctor every Wednesday - AFTER treatment.  I asked to see him FIRST today because of the burns.  They are bad!!  It is hard to SIT!  I have been able to LAY on my bed and that is about it because I am just too exhausted to do anything more!  The Doctor reviewed my chart and noted that I had had the dosage of radiation required - they OVER TREAT just to make sure - but after looking at my burns- he proclaimed me FINISHED!  They are full thickness burns and will heal - but the effects I am feeling are from the radiation LAST WEEK - it takes about ten days after finishing radiation to experience the full effect of radiation as the effects continue to build for that long!  SOoooooo - The doctor said I had had ENOUGH!   I still had my pump on - today was day 27.  We left radiation and drove home.  I called the Oncology office on the way home to make sure I could get my pump removed tomorrow - day 28 and not have to wait until Friday as originally scheduled.  I was told I could come right back and get the pump off so we drove back to get it removed!!  I have had ENOUGH chemo also!   So I DID IT!  I did not WANT to do it but I finished this part of my journey.  I am EXHAUSTED.  I have been taking the nausea pills which make me sleepy and to be frankly honest - I have slept away a lot of the last week - which has been just fine with me.  It has been miserable.  By completing the radiation they were able to give me Silvadene which is for burns.  The Catch 22 here is - while being treated with radiation - Silvadene cannot be used.  Perhaps it is in my head - but I honestly do not feel as bad tonight as I did earlier today. 

 I am THANKFUL I had the intuition to ask to see the doctor BEFORE treatment - rather than after.  I honestly did not know how I could continue with the boost for three days getting burned more.  Tonight I am without my chemo pump and I do NOT have to go back for more treatment - NOW.  I will schedule an appointment tomorrow with my surgeon who is at the Huntsman Cancer Center in SLC for three weeks from now.  The tumor continues to shrink for an additional 6-8 weeks after treatment has continued.  Surgery will be scheduled for 6-7 weeks from now.  I will have time to get stronger and recuperate and be ready to face the next part of my journey.

I want to THANK all my family and friends who have prayed for me.  People I do not even know who have prayed for me!  It is very HUMBLING!  Please continue.  I am not finished with my journey - just this part of it.  As far as I am concerned, this has GOT to be the worst!  I cannot imagine anything worse!   I have been BLESSED with many notes, messages, flowers, food, blankets, etc.  THANK YOU.  My heart is so FULL and I am truly GRATEFUL! 

Tonight I will sleep well!  I will take the time I need to heal and recover and then WATCH OUT!  I cannot wait to be NORMAL again - actually I was NEVER really normal - but I cannot wait to get back to the life and things that add to my HAPPINESS!  I will NEVER be the same - I am a changed WOMAN!  But all in a good way!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  "HAPPINESS IS NOT THE ABSENCE OF CONFLICT - BUT THE ABILITY TO DEAL WITH IT".  I am THANKFUL to be FINISHED with this part of my JOURNEY!  YAY HOORAY!!  Love and Hugs to EVERYONE!!