READY TO COUNT DOWN.....

This has been a week from HELL - AND - if you are offended by that - I DO NOT CARE!! I cannot think of any word to describe the week better! It was found that I had a massive yeast infection. I have been completely miserable along with the STUPID radiation burns. I am so THANKFUL for my sister Jill who got some medication called in for me. I talked to both physicians who are treating me and both suggested I go to my PRIMARY CARE - for care of that - SHE doesn't even know what is going on with me!!!! I am under their care and I hoped they would help me. So JILL had a prescription called in for me Monday - two pills - one Monday and one Tuesday. Side effects from this drug? Headaches and nausea were two of them - both of which happened. I have had a little nausea the whole time - enough to take at least one nausea pill a day. I have had to up that dosage to three a day. I awoke Tuesday morning with a MASSIVE headache! The same Wednesday and ever since then. Thursday morning I awakened with a massive headache and tried to get up. The room was spinning and I felt very sick. Kerm helped me get to the bathroom and I was so sick and weak I just laid down on the floor in there. He got me my BLANKIE and my pillow. I stayed there for at least an hour before I could even move. So yes - that was just yesterday. I got ready to leave for radiation and was home within the hour - back to bed. Just in case you want to know - YES I have broken my bed thing! I am getting INSIDE the bed cause I am sick. I leave my window wide open and it is nice and COLD and I love my warm covers! I have slept a lot of this week away. The nausea pills make me sleepy and I am just thankful to have made it.

Last week the Relief Society Ladies came by with a lap quilt that had been made for me. It is very cozy and pretty and I love the warmth it provides for me. I am very appreciative to all those who helped with that quilt. I feel a little guilty - simply because that's the stuff I do - it is very humbling to receive and I realize that is one of the lessons I have to learn from this experience! It is a tough one!

Last Friday evening there came a knock at my door and there was my oldest sister, Carol Ann and her husband Lee Bahr along with Kallie their daughter, bringing dinner for ME! I was very thankful for not only the dinner - but also for the visit. She just decided to fix and bring it and I am THANKFUL for that. I need to tell you a little about her. She is the oldest of nine siblings. I am right in the middle - four older and four younger. Two of my younger siblings - Cynthia and Kurt were tragically killed in car accidents. I miss them so. Back to Carol Ann. She is the mother of FIFTEEN children - yes - FIFTEEN children she herself gave birth to. Ten boys - Five girls. She is an amazing story! She and her husband Lee returned in July from being Mission Presidents in the Morristown New Jersey Mission for the LDS Church. It was a three year assignment given them that they fulfilled. Lee is a retired physician and they call Bountiful their home.

When I was growing up I always had a fear of something happening to one of my brothers or sisters. I remember praying daily for their safety. I loved them all so much and remember saying that if something had to happen to one of them - let it happen to me because I could not imagine life without them. Of course life is not perfect. We all grew up and all have definitely had their differences but I still love each one of them. I remember when Cynthia, and then Kurt died. I was dumbfounded that it wasn't me. Now I know it was not my time to go - as it is NOT now. I still pray for my remaining brothers and sisters and wish for nothing more than their happiness. I am THANKFUL that I have had the opportunity to have them a part of my family.

Today is day 24 out of the 28 treatments. I figure I would be finished Thursday March 8th. UGH!!! That is NOT TRUE!!!!!! I will have normal treatment Monday - getting my chemo pump put on. Tuesday rather than receiving radiation, it will be an X-RAY DAY! So NO treatment. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday, based upon the X-RAYS taken, the radiation will be directed closer to the actual spot - same dosage, just more directed. That means I have to go to FRIDAY the 9th!!! I cannot get the pump off until I am finished with radiation SO - they got an extra day out of me! Trust me - I have been COUNTING DOWN!! I originally figured I would make a chain- much like those my little children made at Christmas Time years ago! I quickly REALIZED there was NOTHING exciting at the finish line! Just more of the journey so I discarded that lame idea! I am counting down NOW. I technically have only FOUR treatments left. It has been rough - the treatments have taken a toll on my body. I have been asked if I have lost hair. NOT EVEN. I have maybe seen TWO hairs in the drain - in fact, my hair has grown FASTER as have my eyelashes. Go Figure! I do NOT have an explanation for that!

My Spirits are WOUNDED! I am still OKAY but this has NOT been a walk through the PARK! I ONLY WISH FOR THAT!! I am THANKFUL today for the BLESSING of the weekend. I am THANKFUL for treats brought to me. I loved the fresh eggs Jon and Linda brought - scrambled eggs have tasted really good. I love the cinnamon rolls from Meg! Bread from Ranae! Bread from Ann! All sorts of stuff.   I received TULIPS ready to bloom from Cheryl and family!  THANK YOU! Thank you for thinking of me. It gets harder and harder each day to think of something good to eat. Usually after eating it the thoughts of eating it make me sick to my stomach! Yesterday all I had were some French Fries from McDonalds. That is absolutely all I could think of! I had some banana bread and only wished for more cause it was just a little piece! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE - the best thing ANYONE can do is PRAY for me - I FEEL IT - I know it has helped. Monday evening I told Jill I would just as soon die as live like this. Well I am THANKFUL Today that I feel a little better. I am NOT a baby! I am TOUGH and this has been ROUGH! A toll has definitely been taken on my BODY!!!!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "HARDSHIP IS OFTEN GOD STRENGTHENING US" Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face TRIALS of many kinds, because YOU know that the testing of YOUR FAITH develops perseverance. PERSEVERANCE must finish it's work so that YOU may be mature and complete, not lacking ANYTHING! I HOPE I end up NOT LACKING ANYTHING!

Please pray for me and put my name in the Temples. I know my name is in Temples around the WORLD. It makes me weep to think of that! I am so GRATEFUL and I am truly COUNTING MY BLESSINGS! Love and Hugs to EVERYONE!