HALFWAY THROUGH......

Today is a BEAUTIFUL Sunday in Orem, Utah.  It is only 64 degrees at 2:30 in the afternoon but the sun is shining and it is beautiful!  We went to Church this morning and today was the first time in weeks that I taught the Young Single Adults. I LOVE them and I love teaching.  I didn't stay for the third hour!  ONE STEP at a time!!

I saw Dr. Bott, The Oncologist on Friday afternoon.  Friday was four weeks since my surgery.  Each week I feel like I have turned a corner.  I can honestly say I ALMOST feel normal.  My energy is still lacking because it is hard to get nourishment - and I am actually eating A LOT!!  HA HA - for the FIRST time in my life - I can eat absolutely ANYTHING I want and still go down almost a half pound a day!  I have lost almost 20 pounds and like I tell everyone - It is a HARD way to lose weight! 

Dr. Bott has determined that I am ready to begin the last chemotherapy treatments.  I will start tomorrow, June 11th.  It has been six months now since my CT scans, etc. of my liver and lungs - which by-the-way showed NO cancer.  So tomorrow at 9 am I will have CT scans and then head to the Oncology Department for the beginning of my final round of chemotherapy.  There are a total of three drugs which will be infused.  On Monday I will sit there for ths first infusion which lasts about 3 hours.  They will then send me home with my trusty FANNY PACK (Good luck cause I have no FANNY LEFT) which will have the rest of the chemo being to\pumped through the port in my chest until Wednesday when they will take the pump off.  I will then have 11 days to recover and will return on Monday June 25th for the SAME THING!  I have to do this for 8-12 treatments which will take 4-6 months.  Because there was no lymph node involvement I have already made the decision that I will go the 4 months.  I will then have a month to recover and will have the final surgery to reconnect EVERYTHING!  I am on the countdown.  Each day is one day closer to being FINISHED.  I actually consider myself MORE than half way through because supposedly the chemo combined with the radiation is harder than what I am going to have to go through and the 8 hour surgery was the WORST!  The next surgery is about an hour.  So here I go.

 I have heard all sorts of HORROR stories about this next chemotherapy treatment.  I read the side effects and truly FREAKED out!   Last time I had only the one drug which is called 5-FU.  I have to laugh.  What a name for a cancer drug!  I did OK with that and only had a little bit of nausea.  This time there are THREE drugs involved.  One is more of the 5FU - the other is Leucovorin which is a reduced folic acid and actually works with the other drugs to ENHANCE the effectiveness.  Great - I for SURE want to enhance that effectiveness!  GOSH!!!  The third drug is called Oxaliplatin.  That is the BAD one!  They say it is used in cancer which has metastasized but MINE HAS NOT!!!  So I don't know WHY I have to do this - only that they say it is BEST!  I will follow the instructions because I WANT TO LIVE!   I DO NOT want to do any of this.  But I want to live and in my mind I HAVE TO DO IT!!  The side effects of this drug are awful!They do say however, that these side effects are ALMOST always reversible and will go away after treatment!  WHATEVER! 

There is peripheral neuropathy  which is numbness and tingling and cramping of the hands or feet often triggered by cold.  These symptoms will generally lessen or go away between treatments HOWEVER - as the number of treatments increase the numbness and tingling will take longer to lessen or go away!  Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, mouth sores, low blood counts, fatigue and LOSS OF APPETITE!  Great!  I have heard that you cannot drink anything COLD at all and remember - we are in the SUMMER MONTHS!  I can handle this part because I can drink warm water and keep my juices in small cans that I can consume without having to refrigerate.  If you were to open a refrigerator WITHOUT GLOVES it would feel like your hands are burning!  I mean NO COLD at all.  If you drink cold stuff it will feel as if your throat is closing off and you cannot get air.  They TELL ME that this is ONLY a feeling - what they don't know is that if that happens to me - I will have a PANIC attack!  If there is anyone who has had this drug please let me know how you have done with it.  I will outline my journey HONESTLY and tell the whole STORY! 

With that being said I am GRATEFUL.  I am THANKFUL.  I am so HAPPY to be feeling so much better and doing NORMAL things AGAIN!   We had Simone, Lukas and Stella yesterday afternoon and took them to the Orem Summerfest which was a lot of fun.  It was however FREEZING with blowing winds so we only stayed a couple of hours.  We had a GREAT sleepover last night and it felt normal and fun!  We did not ask yet for Charlotte for the night because she needs to hang close to her mama right now.  Eventually we hope she gets to join our sleepovers!  I LOVE LOVE LOVE these babies!  Oh my gosh - They are truly my REASON for LIVING!!!  For WANTING to LIVE!.  I am THANKFUL!

It is interesting because my blog talks about Angels attending me through this journey and I need to tell you this is the TRUTH!  I have ANGELS who are watching out for me - who help bless my life and help me through hard times.  For this experience - I am ETERNALLY GRATEFUL!   I ALSO KNOW that I have ANGELS on the other side of the VEIL who are attending me!  I feel their presence - I feel the love and I am GRATEFUL!  I feel very blessed.

What I will ask now is this - PLEASE PRAY HARD FOR ME - AND my family!  I  know it seems like such a selfish thing for me to ask but I NEED your prayers.  I need help going through these next few months!.  Please continue putting my name on the Temples where you are.  I KNOW with assurance that it WORKS.  I feel the power of prayer in my life and it is very HUMBLING.

THANK YOU - EVERYONE.  Thank you for your kindnesses, your kind thoughts and notes and EVERYTHING.  I am TRULY APPRECIATIVE!  Kerm and I pray hard for those we know who are undergoing difficulties.  If you know someone who needs help or prayers - please let us know. 

I will be a SURVIVOR.  I DO NOT WANT to go through the next few months but my reward will be HAPPY HOLIDAYS!  They will be here BEFORE we know it!  I will update and outline my journey.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  "Your Ship is Equal to the Load of TODAY; but When You are Carrying Yesterday's Worry and Tomorrow's Anxiety, You Must Lighten Your Load or You will SINK" 

I am trying to take this one day at a time.  That is the ONLY way I can do it.  It is mind boggling to think of the weeks I have to go.  I can do this - ONE DAY AT A TIME!    Love and Hugs to EVERYONE!