MY NIGHTMARE WEEK.......

Kerm is telling me I need to write down the events of this week before I forget!  HA!!!!   I will NEVER forget!  I have said all along that I would be frankly honest.  AND - those of you who know me REALLY well know that I always call it like it is. 

I know today is Saturday.  I cannot tell you what happened really to the days in between my last post which was Sunday.  I know that Monday morning I was at the imaging center to have CT scans of my lungs and liver.  The scans were CLEAR - which was what I had hoped for - but until you HEAR the real news - You can't know for SURE!  I then went upstairs to the Oncology Department for my first of EIGHT treatments - every other Monday.  I knew what side effects could happen to me and I was prepared.  Tell me how can one EVER prepare for TERRIBLE, AWFUL and ICKY???????

They drew my blood work through the PORT in my chest.  When all that came back fairly normal (remember I had surgery four weeks prior) they came back with the STUFF - the DRUGS that are needed evidently for a CURE!  Actually I had no cancer in any of 24 lymph nodes.  The six weeks of chemo and radiation that I went through during Jan, Feb and March basically shrunk the tumor to NOTHING and then for asurety - they took a foot of colon!  Just to make SURE!!!

I am not - nor will I ever be the ONLY person in the world to have chemotherapy.  I sat there and EVERY SINGLE chair was FULL with cancer patients getting DRIPS of DRUGS!  It is FREEZING in there and everyone has blankets and coverings on them because it is so COLD!   I forgot my Relief Society Blanket.  I LOVE my Relief Society Blanket.  The ladies in my ward made it for me and I use it every day of  my life!  I called over to the Surgical Center where my sister Jill Andrews is Administrator and asked if they would bring me some HOT blankets from the warmer.  Kelli - who I absolutely love and adore ran immediately over with blankets for Kerm and I.  They were so warm and felt so good.  While I was sitting there my right hand got really cold and starting CONTORTING!   If you have ever had CONTORTIONS then you will know what I mean.  It was like my fingers had charly horses in them and they would stiffen out and stay stiff and I could not move them without tremendous pain.  Little did I know that today, Saturday, I would still be feeling those effects!

They drip the really NASTY stuff in which takes about two hours or so - then they get the trusty fanny pack out and put in the 5FU in a pump which is the present you GET to go home with - Until Wednesday.  I know we went back Wednesday to get the pump off but honestly - I do not remember - it is a huge BLUR!.  I felt pretty good going home Monday but felt nauseated so I laid down.  I know I got up Wednesday to go back to get the pump off but I did not GET UP until this morning. 

The contortions started with my right hand - MY EVERYTHING hand!  In the beginning they asked if I did HAND things - such as playing the piano - crocheting, etc.  I PLAY PIANO every day of my life and I had just purchased a bunch of yarn to make an afghan for my Kamie.  And in fact, I took it with to hopefully work on it while I was sitting there for those hours.  Ya - so much for THAT!

The contortions soon started all over my body.  From the beginning to touch anything cold or drink anything cold caused a big tingling/hurt sensation.  I could handle that.  I drank warm juice and warm water.  I will tell you this - by today (SATURDAY) it has been so hard to quench my thirst.  I drink over 64 ounces a day but the thirst is not quenchable.  Today I decided to put ice in my water.  It is a weird sensation in your mouth but the throat feels like it is constricting and just feels sore.  Cold water tasted SO GOOD!  Don't ever take that for granted!!!   It is a huge blessing to be NORMAL!! 

My feet, my ankles, my toes, my lips, my eyes, my arms and basically all my muscles CONTORTED!  I cried more this week than I have in  YEARS!!!!!!!!!   That hurt too - I had to really work hard to NOT cry because it hurt so bad.  It was hard to walk.  My calves were so sore that I could just get up and down - I could not go far.  The WORST??????  My right hand!  The hand that is my best friend because I use it the MOST!   I couldn't really hold anything in it - it would spasm and go into STUPID CONTORTIONS!!

By Wednesday they prescribed some XANAX for me - which is an anti-anxiety drug.  It wasn't so much that I was ANXIOUS but that they hoped it would calm down my muscles.  The nausea was FAR WORSE than the nausea I had during my chemo and radiation in the spring.

The days have been LONG!  I didn't see some of the days.  I didn't see outside.  Before I knew it it was dark and I welcome the dark because I knew I wouldn't have to toss and turn - that I could take some BENADRYL and a little XANAX and I would SLEEP!  I welcomed the sleep.  During the days it was HOT!  The air conditioning gets so COLD - COLD affects you more and causes more symptoms.  I laid on my bed with my BLANKET and tossed and turned.  I did not eat much - food is way OVERRATED - HA!!  NOT TRUE!  I cannot wait to eat today. I had a little this morning but we are going to BAJIO and we always just share a salad but GOSH - it sounds so good.  Kerm is ready to leave as soon as I am finished with this.

My dad, Neil Frischknecht got his PhD in Botany.  All of dad's kids have ALWAYS prided themselves with beautiful yards.  Last year we had a wedding Reception in our yard and it was so beautiful.  This year I have not planted one flower.  I have a walkway up to my front door and it is always alive with beautiful flowers and sitting in the rocking chairs on the front porch has always been such a JOY!  I walked out this morning - the first time all week and was AWESTRUCK!  My walk had been planted with LARGE flowers that are ready to bloom.  It had been weeded - something I have not been able to do.  I have always done the yard and It is THERAPY to me.  Kerm left this morning to go coach his coach pitch team.  He is the coach for our grandson Lukas.  There bright and early was my friend CATHY METTEN!  She has been my friend for 50 YEARS!  She had come early and to my COMPLETE SURPRISE planted my walkway with flowers.  My heart is overwhelmed.  I could not even speak because I was crying!  How thankful I am for friends and neighbors who have been so good to me. 

There were flowers yesterday from Kelsi and John and Charlotte.  Flowers today for Annalee who lives in my neighborhood.  The Christensen's and Stasinos' live on either side of us.  They both have chickens and have kept us in fresh eggs.  Kelsi has chickens and has brought me eggs from time to time.  Scranbled eggs taste really good to me.  It is a food that the taste doesn't change for me with these awful drugs!  I am humbled beyond anything ever before.  I am GRATEFUL.  I am BLESSED!

My body reacts TERRIBLY! The radiation gave me severe full thickness burns.  These new chemotherapy drugs have caused SEVERE reactions in my body.  I completed one course of 8 total.  Every other week.  I will speak with the oncologist and ask to have these drugs modified for me.  I CANNOT do this again.  I AM STRONG!  And I also KNOW that each treatment gets cumulatively worse!  I CANNOT do worse.  So hopefully they will modify my course of treatment.  I think they will because the cancer was NOT in any lymph nodes and at surgery ALL the margins were clear.

I do feel BLESSED.  I am feeling a little better today.  I do FEEL like I cannot get any worse than this treatment was.  So here's to hoping they will modify my treatment and I can make it through.

Thank you for thoughts, flowers, notes, EVERYTHING!  The week has been a BLUR!  I know it is summer - the cherries are EARLY and I walked out today to some PURPLE cherries!  There are PLENTY!

I do need prayers.  I feel them and I am THANKFUL.  Please hang with me a little longer and keep praying for me. 

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:  All I can say today is COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS.  We ALL have them.  Please ENJOY every minute of good HEALTH!  DO NOT EVER take it for granted.  GET YOUR CHECK UPS!   A check up may just save your life!   LIFE is so PRECIOUS and VALUABLE!  I WANT TO LIVE!!!!   I HAVE WORK TO DO!!  I CANNOT DO IT THIS SICK SO I HAVE TO GET BETTER!!!   I CANNOT WAIT!     Love and HUGS to EVERYONE!